(Closed) FI mad that "second mom" RSVP'd no….

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
amanda.417:  I’m sorry to hear that, that sucks.

Since I assume your Fiance and his best man are pretty close, why doesn’t he call him up, and mention it? It’s okay to tell your best man if you’re sad that his mom won’t be there.

Post # 3
73 posts
Worker bee

Aw poor fella, he’s just sad and disappointed. Like you said just be there for him, she may have legit reasons why she’s choosing not to attend. We never know what someone is going through, sometimes the issues are internal rather than monitary or distance. You never know 🙂

Post # 4
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Simsbury 1820 House

Seconding your Fiance should talk with his best friend, her son. See what he says about it. Maybe there will be some closure there.

Post # 5
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My Fiance also had a similar situation.  I was very surprised they said no especially as money is not an issue.  I was pretty sad for him.  He is playing it off but I know it bothers him.  I would just say do as you think and concentrate on the positives of the day 🙂

Post # 6
47412 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think your Fiance should talk to anyone about why she isn’t coming. He should be mature about the situation and realize that not everyone you invited will be able to come.

Support him by reminding him that he knows nothing about the personal reasons she may not be able to attend. Perhaps she already made travel plans she cn’t change. Perhaps she has registered for a summer program upgrading her qualifications. Perhaps she is undergoing chemotherapy. Perhaps she has surgery scheduled. She is entitled to her privacy.

He can be hurt if he so chooses, but no follow up is acceptable.

Post # 7
2848 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

He should ask his freind why his mom can’t make it…. I would want an explanaion as well.

Post # 8
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I agree with PPs that he should ask his friend why she’s not coming.  If someone very close to me couldn’t attend my wedding, they would probably explain why without any provocation.  To me, it’s a little weird for someone you consider a second mom to RSVP no and not offer any type of explanation.

Post # 9
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I disagree with anyone asking anyone why they cannot come. If she can’t or won’t come, her loss.

Post # 10
2083 posts
Buzzing bee

Perhaps she has other plans that can’t be changed?

My FIs brother recently went on a 2 weeks vacay to Mexico, a trip that was planned and paid for well over a year ago. If we’d decided to get married during that time, his bro wouldn’t have come because of that trip. Perhaps she has a similar situation.

I agree with the PP and think asking even his best man is rude. Just get over it.

Post # 12
533 posts
Busy bee

If this is an unexpected and out of character  invitation decline, I would suggest fiance asked his best friend how the second mother is doing. (Don’t mention the wedding at all.)

Post # 13
146 posts
Blushing bee

 I don’t think there is anything wrong with Fiance mentioning to her son that he was disappointed to see she won’t be in attandance as she means a lot to him and then ask why. As long as he isn’t demanding a reason but instead showing it as an expression of how much she means to him I think its actually a nice gesture. 

Post # 14
5151 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
amanda.417:  I invited my best friends mom to my wedding and she didnt even respond to the invite. My BFF was a Bridesmaid or Best Man so she obviously told me what was going on – her mom was having some mental health issues and was very unhappy with her life at the time. I was really hurt, too as I grew up with her family. The mom also lived 15 minutes from the venue.

However, on my wedding day – I didnt even think twice about her not being there. I was so caught up with my new husband and the people who were there. Your Fiance may be disappointed now but on your wedding day – he wont even think about it. 

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