Post # 1
Up until now, we haven’t had any RSVP surprises…however Fiance just called to let me know that his best man’s mother (let’s call her Sue) responded that she will not be in attendance. He’s angry (though, truthfully, I think “hurt” is a better word for it). She was his next-door neighbor growing up and he introduced her to me as “my other mom” the first time we met. She was one of the first people he called after we got engaged.
I’ve hung around the bee long enough to hear the common, “a wedding invitation is not a summons” and “guests don’t need to give a reason for not attending”, but I’m still sad for my Fiance since we honestly have no idea why she won’t be making the trip. It’s not that we need to have a reason, it’s just that it would probably help Fiance feel less hurt if he understood why. Sue’s a teacher and it’s a Summer wedding, so it isn’t work related; plus, even though she lives 3 hours away, she often stays with family in the town we live, and her son is IN the wedding, so she would have free transportation and lodging if money was an issue (which we doubt is the case, anyways). It could be that there are things going on in her personal life that we know nothing about, but FI feels like she declined simply because she doesn’t want to attend, (which even if that’s the case, she’s allowed to do)…but leaves Fiance feeling pretty sad because she has always been so important to him.
I just wish there was something I could do to help, but short of calling her up and demanding an explanation (which, I’m not going to do for obvious reasons), it looks like my only course of action is to be supportive and remind him that there won’t be a shortage of supporting family and friends there and that I’m sure that Sue will love to hear all about the festivities the first time we visit his hometown after the wedding.
I’m not sure what the point of this post is…mostly just a vent to get it off my chest, I guess. I’m sure this isn’t an uncommon occurance for weddings, so if anyone’s been through something like this and has advice, feel free to share. I’m just hoping that by the time the wedding gets here, we’ll be so surrounded by other guests who are flying in from all over the States that a single absence (even of someone so close to FI) will hardly be missed.
Post # 2
I’m sorry to hear that, that sucks.
Since I assume your Fiance and his best man are pretty close, why doesn’t he call him up, and mention it? It’s okay to tell your best man if you’re sad that his mom won’t be there.
Post # 3
Aw poor fella, he’s just sad and disappointed. Like you said just be there for him, she may have legit reasons why she’s choosing not to attend. We never know what someone is going through, sometimes the issues are internal rather than monitary or distance. You never know 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2016 - Simsbury 1820 House
Seconding your Fiance should talk with his best friend, her son. See what he says about it. Maybe there will be some closure there.
Post # 5
My Fiance also had a similar situation. I was very surprised they said no especially as money is not an issue. I was pretty sad for him. He is playing it off but I know it bothers him. I would just say do as you think and concentrate on the positives of the day 🙂
Post # 6
I don’t think your Fiance should talk to anyone about why she isn’t coming. He should be mature about the situation and realize that not everyone you invited will be able to come.
Support him by reminding him that he knows nothing about the personal reasons she may not be able to attend. Perhaps she already made travel plans she cn’t change. Perhaps she has registered for a summer program upgrading her qualifications. Perhaps she is undergoing chemotherapy. Perhaps she has surgery scheduled. She is entitled to her privacy.
He can be hurt if he so chooses, but no follow up is acceptable.
Post # 7
He should ask his freind why his mom can’t make it…. I would want an explanaion as well.
Post # 8
I agree with PPs that he should ask his friend why she’s not coming. If someone very close to me couldn’t attend my wedding, they would probably explain why without any provocation. To me, it’s a little weird for someone you consider a second mom to RSVP no and not offer any type of explanation.
Post # 9
I disagree with anyone asking anyone why they cannot come. If she can’t or won’t come, her loss.
Post # 10
Perhaps she has other plans that can’t be changed?
My FIs brother recently went on a 2 weeks vacay to Mexico, a trip that was planned and paid for well over a year ago. If we’d decided to get married during that time, his bro wouldn’t have come because of that trip. Perhaps she has a similar situation.
I agree with the PP and think asking even his best man is rude. Just get over it.
Post # 12
If this is an unexpected and out of character invitation decline, I would suggest fiance asked his best friend how the second mother is doing. (Don’t mention the wedding at all.)
Post # 13
I don’t think there is anything wrong with Fiance mentioning to her son that he was disappointed to see she won’t be in attandance as she means a lot to him and then ask why. As long as he isn’t demanding a reason but instead showing it as an expression of how much she means to him I think its actually a nice gesture.
Post # 14
I invited my best friends mom to my wedding and she didnt even respond to the invite. My BFF was a Bridesmaid or Best Man so she obviously told me what was going on – her mom was having some mental health issues and was very unhappy with her life at the time. I was really hurt, too as I grew up with her family. The mom also lived 15 minutes from the venue.
However, on my wedding day – I didnt even think twice about her not being there. I was so caught up with my new husband and the people who were there. Your Fiance may be disappointed now but on your wedding day – he wont even think about it.