FI met his first girlfriend last week and I only got to know today

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 196
Member
2507 posts
Sugar bee

Oh, bee, I’m so sorry. This is heartbreaking. But thank goodness you found out now and can move on before you’d put down deposits on wedding vendors, and thank goodness you’re finding out before you’re married or have kids in the mix. It’s really crappy regardless, but it could be so much worse if this had happened a year from now. And on the bright side, you are young and have so much ahead of you, and you will meet someone 100% better than this jerk.   

Post # 198
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Shit. I knew he was up to no good. Fuck this guy. He should leave the house ASAP and give you your space. Hopefully he packs his stuff up by the end of this weekend. Really sorry OP.

Post # 199
Member
12114 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

liyag :  I get what you mean about her moving on, but then why did she come back to be closer to him?! 

Who knows? It’s three years later. Maybe she did originally move on. Maybe he thought he had too. Time can make you look at the past through rose colored glasses. 

Post # 200
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Don’t fall into the trap of blaming the other woman.

If he was lying to you, he was almost certainly lying to her too.  He played both of you.  Saying he wanted to propose but didn’t propose because she articulated her standards should set off warning bells. He is (and has been) full of shit and extremely selfish for a very long time.  That’s his character. 

A free woman (which she is) is free to move wherever she damn well pleases.  She can reach out to an old friend if she wants to.  Your fiance is the one who broke your trust. Your fiance lied. Your fiance is the entire problem here.  He is the one who is accountable for this debacle. 

Post # 201
Hostess
3838 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

liyag :  I am so sorry to read your updates OP, but I want to say that you clearly are a badass who knows how she deserves to be treated.  I hope you have an amazing support system and a fabulous life without this guy.  

Post # 203
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

liyag :  You’re repeating the story the person who deceived you told.  He may very well have initiated the “I miss you” talk, or told her that you guys were on the outs… or anything else.  The one thing I’ve learned from watching relationships fall apart is that liars lie. 

I am not saying this to argue with you about what the ex gf was like… but as your relationship with this guy unravels, please protect yourself by remembering that he lies to you about other women.  This may not be the first time.  The conversations may not have occured the way he’s describing. The other woman may be a victim of his bullshit, too.

Post # 205
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee

liyag :  he should pay his half until you find a roommate. 

Post # 206
Member
4042 posts
Honey bee

What a fucked-up guy. I’m so sorry OP. It’s a low blow to hear something like this. But I have to say he showed his character to you and it wasn’t good. Personally I’d be very skeptical that he hasn’t seen her more than he let on. This is the kind of man who leaves his wife onr day because he met his “soulmate”. You don’t need that in your life.

The ring is incidental. Give it to him, sell it, whatever, just get rid of it.

Post # 208
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

liyag : I am so, so sorry to hear that this happened to you. I don’t care how long they dated or what their history is. He’s scum. He had years with you and decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. It shouldn’t matter if she is in the picture or not if he wanted to marry YOU. The only thing I can think is that he proposed without being all in, and that should make you furious. He played at house with you and wasn’t completely serious about it. How immature and awful. 

When my fiance left me, I got the book It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken, and honestly it really really helped me. I read it over and over again. Definitely give it a read. 

Just remember, as tempting as it is to compare, there is nothing wrong with YOU. You were dating for a reason, he proposed to you for a reason – because you are awesome. This happening does not detract from your awesomeness, even though it may feel like it. He may feel she is better for him, but that doesn’t mean she is better than you. Be kind to yourself. 

Post # 209
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - City, State

DAMN. what a PIECE OF SHIT. you didn’t even need to snoop because this just blew up. you seem like such a strong person who will not take responsibility for his atrocious behavior, and that tells me that you are going to be just fine. be sad, mourn the relationship, but then LET IT GO. you are going to find someone that will never treat you that way, wouldn’t even dream of it! please do something special for yourself this weekend. get a massage, go for a run, eat a tub of ice cream. SOMETHING! whatever makes you feel relaxed and happy- you deserve some peace after all of this. 

Post # 210
Member
30 posts
Newbee

liyag :  I know that times will be difficult for you moving ahead and I just want to say I’m glad that you have enough self respect for yourself to get out of this toxic relationship and to tell him to move out. In my life, I’ve had cousins and friends who’ve been through these toxic relationships and everytime they ask me for advice, which is to LEAVE, they never take it, which ends up being soo worse in the long run. I wish they had the strength like you to leave. 

Make sure you take care of yourself, go out with your friends, have a spa day, whatever, just focus on taking care of yourself.  Regarding the ring, I know you don’t care for it and you’d give it back if he asked, but I would suggest selling it to help pay for the rent until you can find another roommate, that way it’s not such a financial burden on you. If he’s on the lease as well, then make him pay for his half of the rent. 

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