Post # 196
Oh, bee, I’m so sorry. This is heartbreaking. But thank goodness you found out now and can move on before you’d put down deposits on wedding vendors, and thank goodness you’re finding out before you’re married or have kids in the mix. It’s really crappy regardless, but it could be so much worse if this had happened a year from now. And on the bright side, you are young and have so much ahead of you, and you will meet someone 100% better than this jerk.
Post # 197
Charliejeorge : Fortunately he’s agreed to leave soon; he wrote back saying he will move out over the weekend sometime and stay with a friend while he finds a place, and then take the rest of his stuff later.
Post # 198
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
Shit. I knew he was up to no good. Fuck this guy. He should leave the house ASAP and give you your space. Hopefully he packs his stuff up by the end of this weekend. Really sorry OP.
Post # 199
liyag : I get what you mean about her moving on, but then why did she come back to be closer to him?!
Who knows? It’s three years later. Maybe she did originally move on. Maybe he thought he had too. Time can make you look at the past through rose colored glasses.
Post # 200
Don’t fall into the trap of blaming the other woman.
If he was lying to you, he was almost certainly lying to her too. He played both of you. Saying he wanted to propose but didn’t propose because she articulated her standards should set off warning bells. He is (and has been) full of shit and extremely selfish for a very long time. That’s his character.
A free woman (which she is) is free to move wherever she damn well pleases. She can reach out to an old friend if she wants to. Your fiance is the one who broke your trust. Your fiance lied. Your fiance is the entire problem here. He is the one who is accountable for this debacle.
Post # 201
liyag : I am so sorry to read your updates OP, but I want to say that you clearly are a badass who knows how she deserves to be treated. I hope you have an amazing support system and a fabulous life without this guy.
Post # 202
coffeecakez : He certainly is accountable but she must have seen on Facebook that he wasn’t single if she didn’t already know.
Yet she told him when they met that she’s back to be closer to him and missed him. I don’t think that was appropriate on her part either.
missinthecity : Thank you. I’ll have to pick up the rent on my own but I’ll manage until I find someone else to share with. It’s better than living with him.
Post # 203
liyag : You’re repeating the story the person who deceived you told. He may very well have initiated the “I miss you” talk, or told her that you guys were on the outs… or anything else. The one thing I’ve learned from watching relationships fall apart is that liars lie.
I am not saying this to argue with you about what the ex gf was like… but as your relationship with this guy unravels, please protect yourself by remembering that he lies to you about other women. This may not be the first time. The conversations may not have occured the way he’s describing. The other woman may be a victim of his bullshit, too.
Post # 204
coffeecakez : Well, whatever it is that actually happened, she’s choosing to take him back. And she’s welcome to him.
All I know is that he is leaving me for someone else and so I want him to leave asap.
Post # 205
liyag : he should pay his half until you find a roommate.
Post # 206
What a fucked-up guy. I’m so sorry OP. It’s a low blow to hear something like this. But I have to say he showed his character to you and it wasn’t good. Personally I’d be very skeptical that he hasn’t seen her more than he let on. This is the kind of man who leaves his wife onr day because he met his “soulmate”. You don’t need that in your life.
The ring is incidental. Give it to him, sell it, whatever, just get rid of it.
Post # 207
zl27 : I’m asking him to leave so I’m not sure if he ought to be paying? I mean, he might insist that I should let him stay until he’s found somewhere permanent to live if he pays half the rent. I’ll ask him when I see him in the evening.
Post # 208
liyag : I am so, so sorry to hear that this happened to you. I don’t care how long they dated or what their history is. He’s scum. He had years with you and decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. It shouldn’t matter if she is in the picture or not if he wanted to marry YOU. The only thing I can think is that he proposed without being all in, and that should make you furious. He played at house with you and wasn’t completely serious about it. How immature and awful.
When my fiance left me, I got the book It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken, and honestly it really really helped me. I read it over and over again. Definitely give it a read.
Just remember, as tempting as it is to compare, there is nothing wrong with YOU. You were dating for a reason, he proposed to you for a reason – because you are awesome. This happening does not detract from your awesomeness, even though it may feel like it. He may feel she is better for him, but that doesn’t mean she is better than you. Be kind to yourself.
Post # 209
- Wedding: June 2020 - City, State
DAMN. what a PIECE OF SHIT. you didn’t even need to snoop because this just blew up. you seem like such a strong person who will not take responsibility for his atrocious behavior, and that tells me that you are going to be just fine. be sad, mourn the relationship, but then LET IT GO. you are going to find someone that will never treat you that way, wouldn’t even dream of it! please do something special for yourself this weekend. get a massage, go for a run, eat a tub of ice cream. SOMETHING! whatever makes you feel relaxed and happy- you deserve some peace after all of this.
Post # 210
liyag : I know that times will be difficult for you moving ahead and I just want to say I’m glad that you have enough self respect for yourself to get out of this toxic relationship and to tell him to move out. In my life, I’ve had cousins and friends who’ve been through these toxic relationships and everytime they ask me for advice, which is to LEAVE, they never take it, which ends up being soo worse in the long run. I wish they had the strength like you to leave.
Make sure you take care of yourself, go out with your friends, have a spa day, whatever, just focus on taking care of yourself. Regarding the ring, I know you don’t care for it and you’d give it back if he asked, but I would suggest selling it to help pay for the rent until you can find another roommate, that way it’s not such a financial burden on you. If he’s on the lease as well, then make him pay for his half of the rent.