(Closed) FI missing my birthday – 1st one together :(

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

You’re right…it’s not the end of the world, dear! You guys can still celebrate your birthday, even if it’s not on the exact day. My husband is leaving on a trip (for leisure) a few days after Christmas, and he will be gone for my birthday, which is exaclty one week after Christmas. Granted we are very indepenedent people, so it may be different for us, but I don’t mind at all. I’ll still be here when he gets back, and we’ll go out to dinner or something…and it will still feel special.

Post # 3
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Do you have a friend or family member you can do something with on the day of? If not, plan something nice for yourself. Get a massage or go to some movie you know he would hate or plan something that would be fun to do alone. It sounds like the holidays are going to be rough for you this year so you’ll feel better if you take care of yourself. 

 

Post # 4
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I think you need to have a glass of wine, throw on your jammies and snuggle up with SO when you get home. My period makes me emotional too so i completely get it. Him missing your bday really isn’t a huge deal. You will be ok ๐Ÿ˜Š

Post # 5
Member
2443 posts
Buzzing bee

Get together with some friends or family on your actual birthday and just celebrate with him before or after. It will extend your birthday!

I travel a lot with work and in the seven years Darling Husband have been together I think I’ve missed his birthday five times. I always feel so bad. I’m sure he feels awful, too.

Post # 6
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee

Definitely not the end of the world. There are a few really cool things about this, actually: 1) ALONE TIME (you don’t realize how great that is until you are living together/married). I love my Darling Husband but I love my alone time, too. I can do WHATEVER I WANT (within reason)…even things that don’t include consideration for my Darling Husband or anyone else. If I want to sit on the couch and eat candy all day…I can. No strings attached!! Make some plans to do something you think is great. 2) You will have other birthdays in which he can “make it up to you. 3) When he gets back, he can also make it up to you.

I’m not saying this to be one of those annoying “look at the bright side” people. I’m actually very empathetic to your situation–my mother passed Nov. 2nd, not even a month and a half after my wedding. My only sister and I are estranged…since my mother can’t be here for Christmas, she has decided to fly up here and spend Christmas with my father–so now I can’t see him during the holiday because my sister and I are not on speaking terms (for very good reason). All my grandparents have passed, the last of which happened a year ago. And my FI’s father is in the middle of a cancer scare.

SO…if my Darling Husband told me he was missing my birthday and it was our first together, what I listed is just how I would think of it!! Hugs to you, bee. It gets better…always.

Post # 7
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m sure he will make it up to you! Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I know you will have a fantastic birthday!

Are you part of birthday clubs for any local businesses? I love getting free stuff on my birthday. I think Baskin Robbins gives you a free ice cream scoop for your birthday. 

Post # 8
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee

summerbride2016:  If it makes you feel any better….. Two years ago my Darling Husband moved us two states away from all my friends and family for work, and he had to work out of town on my birthday and thanksgiving. So I was completely alone in a new town and was unable to go home due to finances. It sucks and I understand what you’re going through. 

Like me, you too will get through this. Invite some girlfriends over, order take out and each the cheesiest movies possible. And when your SO comes back, dress up and go to a nice dinner. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
8800 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yes, put it down to the the pre-period thing . If you are old enough  to be getting married you are old enough not to cry about having been told  (even  by text) that  your fiance has  to work on your birthday and won’t  be in till late.

Woman up OP, life will throw you much worse stuff than this to cry about. You know this  anyway , I realise .  I just dont want you to throw yoruself at him sniffling  when he gets home from  a probably  quite boring and wearing trip !

Post # 10
Member
3040 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I’m sorry but it’s really not a big deal. He’s working to maintain his job and make money for you both as a couple. You’ll have plenty more birthdays and, as others suggest, you can celebrate on another day. There are many less fortunate in world, count your blessings. Periods aren’t an excuse in the adult world nor should they be used as one like they are so heavily. If you always jump to attack his work or how his trips are timed, you can create a lot of negativity on such a new relationship/marriage. Give the man some slack. Take a deep breath. Look into something that may help with your stress…I hear yoga or Pilates is a great outlet. 

Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m glad you’ve vented here rather than to him. 

Sorry he won’t be around for your whole birthday but this is work. I worked 12 hours my last birthday and presume I’ve usually been at work for OH’s. If he or I had to be away for a birthday there would be flowers and a phone call but no tears on either side. 

Between 21 and 100, adult birthdays are a nice excuse for a bit of fuss, but shouldn’t be a biggy or a cause for tears. 

I think texting this to you is just fine, he’s letting you know as soon as he knows. If an adult friend mildly, complained to me about her OH being away for her birthday I’d commiserate, if she bawled I’d be internally commiserating with her OH and gently trying to give her a sense of perspective. 

Post # 12
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Agree with other PPs – birthdays are fun for a fuss, but no reason for tears. You can celebrate either beforehand or after. I’ll be in a conference for work all day on my birthday this week. I could care less – it is what it is and I’ll celebrate the next day. ๐Ÿ™‚ Go bet a pedicure or a massage, then celebrate with him when he returns. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

First, totally get the period emotional thing.  I was sobbing the other day when Flynn Rider said he prefers brunettes in Tangled. 

But anyway…. don’t get to upset about him missing your day, Fiance and I have yet to be together on my birthday, EVER.  We’re long distance so we won’t get to celebrate my b-day together until we are married.  Maybe you’ll get something fun delievered or in the mail!  Spend your day celebrating with your girl friends or treat yourself to a relaxing night in. 

Post # 14
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

summerbride2016:  I’m sorry about the crappy family stuff. That is so hard at the holidays. As for your birthday he’s done nothing wrong so just let him know something lowkey and fun you would like to do when he returns!

Post # 15
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

craigslistgirl:  that is a great idea ๐Ÿ™‚ I joined those and the month of my birthday, I get all kinds of free stuff from B&R, Emerald Loop Grill, Sephora, IHop, Noodles and co 

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