Post # 1
So my Fiance lost in job due to the ecomony last February. It was a hard blow. He was an engineer and had a great job making great money. The past almost year now he has been working for his Dad’s company which has been fine. He is making less money but he also has more freedom. We got engaged in November and just celebrated our 2 year anniversary. We are getting married on 10/16/10.
His old roomie got a job with a company based 5 hours away and trained there but is now working back in Cincinnati. Well the Fiance got an offer to start Monday. They said it will only be 2 months which is fine but what scares me is that his roomie was told the same thing and ended up being there for 6 months!
To make matters worse we are supposed to close on our first home next week. So we wont even really get to celebrate. I am happy for him but it is just a hard time. We both see it as a necessary career move and he would be making twice as much money and since we bought our home based on what we were making we will be better off financially.
I don’t mean to sound like a selfish baby but we have never really spent any time apart. I think the longest was maybe a week?? My daily life will just be different. Luckily i have the wedding to occupy me! I just pray it is really only 2 months.
I think it may be easier if he was more excited….i feel like he is just a nervous about it as I am….
I know I have a lot to be thankful for but I am just so emotional about this….I keep freaking out thinking it will be 6 months or longer or something….uggg
any comments? Am i crazy? thanks ladies!
Post # 3
Oh wow.. I’m sorry! I can’t imagine being away from my hubby for even a week! I’m a very independent person, but still.. Well, hopefully your FH won’t end up being gone for 6 months. Will you be able to talk to him on a regular basis still? Jobs are really important, and it sounds like you both have really given this a lot of thought and decided that it was the right step for you financially, especially with the new house. My only advice is to hang in there, keep yourself occupied and enjoy fixing up your new house while he’s gone, so when he gets back it will look great 🙂 Also, you always have WB to keep you company when you get too lonely.
Post # 4
well i am sure we will talk at night since he will be living in an extended stay hotel and will probably be bored out of his mind! LOL They will pay for him to come home every other weekend so that is good. I guess I just had this idea about how the next 8-9 months were going to play out and him moving was NOT in the plan…
Post # 5
I can understand how it would definately not be in the plan, but then again, him losing his job last year was definately NOT in the plan either! I’m glad you will get to see him every other weekend at least! That’s a lot better than not at all for a couple of months. Hopefully if you were counting on any of his help for the planning process he will still be able to help you via the internet & phone convos!
Post # 6
Awww. That sucks. The good thing is that he got a job! And him coming home every other weekend will be great. Maybe some of the weekends he can’t come home you can go there and visit him? Also, making phone dates is important, so that you can stay in touch. Have you heard of Skype? That would also be good since you will be able to actually see each other as you talk. Hopefully it will only be 2 months, and maybe he can help with DIY projects since you think he will be bored in the extended stay hotel!
Post # 7
Oh that sucks!
Last your my Fiance got a job change which affected us badly and I was a baby about it for a long time. He hasn’t moved away but we know work completely opposite schedules. I work 3:30-4:30 M-F and he works 3:30-11:30 T-S. So we really on see each other on Sundays. It sucks sometimes but you really get used to it. I said that I could only do it for 6 months and we are going on a year right now! Hopefully he will get switched off this shift soon.
It will get easier and you will get through it. It strengthened our relationship actually and I hope this experience does the same for you!
Post # 8
i love the comment about having him do DIY projects hahhaha! Maybe if I wanted some centerpieces made out of legos! I have been doing most of the wedding planning during the weekends since i work the 8-5 corporate shift. I mean in the long run it will be good. We will be able to buy a lot of furniture and stuff a lot sooner with the extra $. Also, when it comes time to have a baby I am happy I am not the money maker anymore
Just the idea of doing the long distance is thing is a little unsettling. And the fact of having a big empty home for a few months….i will probably stay with my mom until he comes back…I hate staying alone!
Post # 9
I think you need to assume it will be 6 months so you aren’t constantly dissapointed if it gets pushed farther/pushed farther and are pleasantly surprised if it is 2 months.
And I think he needs to do it. It SUCKS, no doubt, but it is 6 mo of your life then you are back together in such a better financial place.
Post # 10
i don’t really think it will be six months. The reason his freind had to stay so long was because they had not yet established the Cincinnati office. He was trained but not really to run an entire branch alone.
I think the weekends will be fine, I am just worried abou during the week. We are both pretty busy but work pretty much 8-5 so eventhough we don;t live together yet we do spend almost every day together….at least part of it.
Post # 11
Oh that really sucks. Nothing like a last minute nasty surprise
Expect the worst, hope for the best. I kinda think he really has no choice–he needs a job! That’s just life and it’s pretty cruel to everyone right now.
its ony 6 months–it’ll give you guys lots of stability hopefully. In the meantime, he can keep looking for jobs in your city!
after all, love is great, but love can’t pay the bills.
Try not ot move back in with your mom….stay independent. It’s part of building a life together, not moving back in with the parents. I know this was an option for most of the miltiary wives I met and it was HIGHLY discouraged. It causes a strain on the relationship and basically causes retroversion they said. Don’t let yourself THINK it’s ok to be a ‘baby’ about it. Just keep telling yourself “i can do this!” and you will. But if you think you’ll handle it poorly…you will. And it is SO much harder when you wallow in it. Seriously.
Post # 12
I would expect the worst as well. Instead of hoping and wishing it is only 2 months, I would plan for 6 months. Even so, you can make it because you will be pretty busy with wedding planning to keep yourself busy. It is difficult but it will be better for his career in the long run and for you financially so that you aren’t struggling with the new house.
Post # 13
BIG FIGHT with the Fiance already! So he decided to accept the offer and is leaving Sunday. Earlier when we talked he said that his Dad thought it would be better for him to get a power of attorney and go to the closing with me instead of having my Fiance come back.
His new job said that he could come back for the closing but would have to come back right after it. I told my Fiance that it was VERY important to me that he come home for the closing. I am a very sentimental person and it is the first house that either one of us has purchased. He agreed.
Well now a few hours later I guess his parents convinced him otherwise. He says it is not logical for him to drive here for the closing and then back. I told him it is not all about being logical and it is up to US not his PARENTS. I am not trying to be selfish but I think buying your first home together is a huge moment. I don’t really want to look back and be like yeah it was horrible….Fiance moved to pittsburg and I went to close on the house with his dad….so exciting.
I am just totally bummed and I feel like he is siding with his parents instead of me. yes it is more logical for his Dad to do it but doesn’t my opinion matter? Isn’t it logical to want to not upset your fiancee even more than you moving away with 3 days notice?
HELP! I just cried and raised my voice in the lobby of my work….I hope no one noticed
Post # 14
I know it’s upsetting, but honestly we don’t really remember the closing on our house much. It is actually pretty boring, just signing things over and over (everything is in triplicate). It is going to be hard to begin the nesting process in the house without him. I do understand why he doesn’t want to drive back since it would pretty much be him driving 10 hours in a day or two which is completely miserable.
Post # 15
You need to talk to Fiance face to face and tell him again how important it is that you close together. His parents should really mind their own business. While I can see how that much driving would suck, it’s YOUR & FI’s FIRST house together and that is a big deal. If his new work gave him the OK he should take it and be thankful.
p.s. we are 10/16/10 twins
Post # 16
I think you need a deep breath.
First of all, this is not the first time ANY of us have discussed stuff with our parents, and in turn, they have said stuff that changed our minds.
But yeah,a 5 hour drive there, just to turn around and come back to sign a paper for the house…well, not so monumental.
I don’t even THINK about the day we signed paperwork on the house. Really! Maybe you are trying to hard to grasp at straws for the purpose of sentimentality?
If it’s more logical, why can’t you just see that site? Your opinion matters, I’m sure, but it’s not the most logical one in this instance.
The fact that you’re freaking out in the lobby–you need to go for a walk or something, calm down, deep breath.
This is life. Sometimes it gets in the way of what we imagine to be wonderful in our head. Then again, you’re talking to a military wife–going with the flow is the name of our game.