(Closed) FI-nancially irresponsible?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Set him up on automatic billpay, and maybe suggest that after the wedding you’ll handle the financial management of the household. Or propose a budget, and get him on an all-cash basis so he has to really think about going over-budget.

This can be a really hard subject to deal with, but one of the most important as you’re getting married/buying a home together. Good luck addressing it!

Post # 4
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You could offer to acquire power to act on all his accounts so you could always monitor his spending and pay his bills on time, remind him not to spend $ when the balance is low, etc. In that case, you’ll have no need to nag because you control all finances.

If he’s understanding and has a habit that will take a while to change, I believe he’ll actually be happy for you to take the control. If he’s very territorial, maybe he won’t be open to that. If he’s not open to that, then your situation will warrant further discussion or even counseling. Finances is the #1 reason for marital disputes. Set goals for him to reach, set rules, and if he fails to comply, he needs to hang over his finances to you or some other repurcussions. Explain to him that in an ideal marriage, both partners bear the joy of wealth and burdens of debt so his financial habits do affect you. Unless you guys want to do a prenup 🙁 Good luck!

Post # 5
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Definitely set him up with automatc billpay. I use it to pay all my major bills (student loans, car loan, electricity, everything) and it keeps me from accidentally missing a payment or getting things in late.

The good news is, he isn’t hiding this from you! He told you about the late charge, which means he wants to be honest with you and he probably knows you can help him get this figured out. I’d suggest agreeing on a spending limit for each week or month and taking out that much cash in advance. So if you each have $200 for spending in July, take it out on July 1st and pay only cash for things. Or take out $50 each week. But if you guys set up a plan to help him, make sure you are using it for yourself too. Don’t let him feel like he’s the only one who needs to work extra hard to be good 🙂

Post # 6
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yes, automatic billpay and an offer to head up these things.

Also, it may be helpful to talk w/ a financial advisor about how to organize payments and set budgets.  That way it is 3rd party advice from an expert rather than what may be perceived as "nagging" from a fiance/ wife! 

Post # 7
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think an offer to be the "head of the household", so to speak, on finances might be a good approach.  I missed a cc payment last summer, and my husband pretty much just took things over for me from there.  I was actually pretty relieved!  I can stick to a budget, but finances generally stress me out.  Having my husband do all our financial stuff (bills, savings, etc…) and just giving me a monthly spending allowance works really well for us.  Also, it gives me a chance to concentrate on other areas that matter more to me and that he hates doing (like housework, laundry, dishes, social planning, etc…).

Post # 8
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree that it would be a good idea to put all the bills on automatic payment.  If you are considering taking over the family finances, make sure that he is involved.  I take care of our finances because I am in accounting/finance as a background but my husband and I discuss what to spend/save, our financial goals and investments so it isn’t just me doing everything without him knowing.

It does seem like he really wants to change since he told you about it and hasn’t hidden the late payment charges.  Good luck.

Post # 9
32 posts

Great advice from everyone above– auto bill pay is definitely helpful.

I really like mint.com for tracking spending in different categories.  It’s free and makes it very easy to keep tabs on things directly from your credit card purchases, bank accounts, etc.  You can also set up alerts to let you know your weekly status.

The most helpful thing we do is set up a specific time to talk about household stuff– take a weekend morning every month to sit down together and discuss bills, what needs to be paid, what you’re saving for, and a joint strategy.  The fact that it’s proactive rather than reactive makes it much easier to deal with, and it doesn’t feel like nagging when it’s just there on the calendar like any other chore.  Because of his history, you may want to just check in every week or so, whatever works for you, but it’s much easier to communicate and head off potentially sticky situations before they arise.

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