Post # 1
So Fiance proposed a few weeks ago and intially we were going to have a 3 year engagement (due to school/finances) but last week we were talking and he wanted to move it up a year. We got it figured out and it is feasible so long as a) I don’t let the planning affect my schooling and b) we stick to our wedding plan budget. Well I have been working my butt off and sticking to my end (stop buying clothes, mainly lol) but I am getting so frusterated because Fiance has been leaving work early almost everyday for the past week. I write in a rant because I just got a text “home now” (its noon, not even half way through his shift). Its annoying because a) he was the one who wanted to move up the wedding and b) we have had so many discussions about saving in the past so we had a huge convo last week about our new budget and how he has to start staying at work in order to be able to live comfortably still and save up for this wedding in 2 years. Basically I know that when the paycheque comes next week it will only be enough for bills and just the basics for around the house so that leaves his pitch of savings into our wedding fund non-existant at this point. Its very upsetting. I know he has never been the best with budgeting but I was really hoping our wedding would be enough incentive to really stick to it. I don’t know what to do at this point. I hate seeming like the nagging girlfriend.. well fiance now.. and we have talked so many times about him leaving work etc. He always gets frusterated when the paycheque isnt as big as he thought (well when you dont work, you dont get paid!!!). Its just got me so bothered. Bees I need help and/or at least some motivating words/thoughts.
Post # 3
When he sends you those texts, ask him why he’s home already. You’re right in that you aren’t going to get paid the hours if you don’t work the hours. He needs to start buckling down and working more in order to get that bigger paycheck. Why did he come home at noon today? I would text him back and tell him to get back at work!!
Post # 4
Talk to him and ask him how many hours he wants to work that week on Sunday. Crunch the numbers with him and show him how 20 hrs a week just barely pays the bills. Use concrete language. Instead of, “I want/need you I work more. Why are you home? Please stay later!” say things like, “You need to work X hrs to make $x this week. If you want us to get married by X date, at this rate, we will have $x saved if you continue to work x hrs like you did last pay period.
If he still comes home early, say, on a Tuesday, you can say, “I see you’re not working this afternoon. Are you planning on making up the hours Wednesday or Thursday?”
Post # 5
Oh 2peas.. I have talked to him about it so many times!! We actually got in a tiff last week because he left at 8 am (his shift JUST started) and then tried to tell me he left at noon – I found out he left at 8 and confronted him – his excuse was that he lied about it because he knew I’d be mad that he left so early. I am not concerned he is ‘up to anything’ and I genuinely believe he lied because he didn’t want me to be mad that that is the kicker – he KNEW I would be mad and still continues to leave early. Why not just stick it out for the day and avoid the fight? His issue is that his work offers VTO (voluntary time off) when there is little to no work to do (basically their way of NOT paying people to do nothing) anyways, he can leave without pay and without penalty. He promises to not give into the temptation of leaving but does every time (they can’t MAKE him leave, he has to sign the VTO sheet and he can go, if he stays he will have little work to do but will still get paid). I really hoped our wedding would be enough to at least make him want to stay more. Man if I could get paid to do nothing – I would totally take it lol!! Thank you 2 peas, at least I am not the only one that sees an issue with his ‘lack of working ways’. Sometimes he makes it seem like its not a big deal, his ‘buddys gfs’ don’t give them crap. WELL his buddies gfs don’t have a house to pay for and a wedding to plan!! GRR.
Post # 6
@MrsBroccoli: Mrs Broccoli, you are on to something. I will do this. I will show him exactly how much he would need to work in order to meet our budget. Good call on the, “so I guess you’ll be making it up on X day”. This takes away from my ‘nagging’ just to stay but also gets the point across that this is unacceptable. I will figure out the numbers and talk to him tonight. I’ll keep you ladies posted!! Thanks so much xo
Post # 7
I’m confused…does he hate his job? Because it sounds like he is trying to get fired!
EDIT: I just read about the voluntary time off—you may not kow the whole situation, he may be strongly pressured to go home early–companies don’t want to pay employees when they don’t have to–they can’t MAKE him leave but they can strongly imply he should
Maybe it’s time for him to find a more dependable full time job
Post # 8
What kind of job does he work at that he can just come home halfway through a shift? Is he in danger of loosing his job?
Post # 9
@athame1983: not necesarily. I worked a job where they offered early release (same thing as VTO) to us when things were slow. It was encouraged so the compnay didn’t waste their money paying 25 people to do the same job that 15 could handle. So 10 people were allowed to go home with no penalty. He wouldn’t be fired for doing that.
OP, it’s VERY tempting when you’re offered to go home, but he seriously needs to get his act together. He’s an adult with financial commitments. I’d be worried about marrying him until he can prove he’s willing to work for a comfortable life for the both of you.
Post # 10
Thursday you are correct; its pretty much like the early release thing!
Well I had my chat with FI; he understood where I was coming from and why I was upset. We sat down and worked a few things out – we agreed that one day a week he can leave at lunch if possible, that much wouldn’t hurt the budget at all so its not a big deal and a nice compromise. The work is back breaking at times so I understand him needing a break but seriously, leaving every day is unnacceptable. So yeah – hopefully he will stick to it 🙂 Keep your fingers crossed for me bees. I have faith in my Fiance, he felt really bad for letting me down the past week.
Post # 11
Is your Fiance overwhelmed with the budget? Maybe he is self sabotaging so you can’t get married that soon….
I hope it works out for you…
Post # 12
Glad that he’s agreed to a compromise. But i would definately set out a policy of “If we can’t keep to our earning goals (AKA if you can’t keep from leaving early every day” then we will have to push back the wedding to accomodate.” If this then that. So it’s not you being the bad guy. It’s on him.
Post # 13
how the heck can he just up and leave work early?! I need to find myself a job where no one says anything if I peace out early! Honestly, regardless of the wedding he needs to be staying at his job for a whole shift – that would worry me regardless of saving for a wedding because it is an indicator of his motivation and willingness to be a good provider for his family. I’d be pissed if I were you.
Post # 14
My Fiance and I started taking Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University together before we got engaged (it is one night a week for 13 weeks, although they just released a new version so going forward it will only be 9 weeks). It goes over how to handle money in a relationship, budgeting, saving, preparing for the future, avoiding debt, protecting yourselves with insurance, etc in great detail.
It is EXCELLENT marriage prep and I’d highly recommend it! Money problems are one of the biggest stressors in a marriage and causes of divorce so you might as well try and work through it now.
If you can’t attend a live class or there isn’t one in your area, you can also go through the class together online – although I’d recommend going live if you can.
Fiance and I are both very good with money, have no problems budgeting/saving, and so on – but this class has brought up great conversations for us. I’d suggest looking into something you guys go together to learn, rather than you having to be the one nagging him.
Dave Ramsey also has a book The Total Money Makeover. It’s a great book but not as good at acting as marriage prep, in my opinion, as FPU. You can also download Dave’s podcast every day for free and start learning his principles. Fiance and I listen to it together sometimes in the car, again – great conversation starter.
I think once you guys get to really budgeting together and having a written plan, on paper, on purpose, before the month begins, he’ll start to see how his income choices are negatively impacting that budget. And the budget isn’t just for wedding, he’ll be able to build in fun stuff for himself too, so when he drops hours he’ll have to choose what he wants to cut, you know?
Hope that helps!
Post # 15
@xnikkibobikkix: “I know he has never been the best with budgeting but I was really hoping our wedding would be enough incentive to really stick to it.”
My two cents: It’s a mistake to think that your fiance will be a different person than your boyfriend.
Post # 16
Thank you to all the bees who have answered with supportive and helpful comments! I really appreciate it!! Kurzweil, your type of answer was the one I was hoping for! We are going to look in to Dave Ramsey; I think that is just what we need. We have never had to budget for something so big before and we are both pretty lost at it. We want to do this but its so hard when you dont know where to start! We have never had money problems but we also have never had such a huge expense/reason to budget so taking this course or even reading the book (I’m going to stop by chapters on my way home today and grab it 🙂 ) will hopefully help us have a guideline.
Anyways, to clear things up with people who thinks I should be concerned about Fiance supporting me – he has provided for and supported me and our family for over 4 years now, so I need not worry about that. It caught me off gaurd that he stopped staying at work and I could see where smcs was coming from – I also though that maybe he had regretting moving the wedding up a year (even though it was his idea) but we talked about it and really he just had a bad week and was upset that i even thought he wanted to push the wedding back. We are both pretty overwhelmed with where to begin. I can’t wait to get organized with things and get into a good budgeting routine. Thanks again for all the helpful answers!