(Closed) FI not invited!?

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Wow lots of rudeness! Yes you should have gotten your own invite. Yes they should have invited your SO (FI or not!). No idea wtf your mom was thinking.

TBH I probably wouldn’t travel to a wedding that my Fiance wasn’t invited to. If I were you, I would call the hosts directly and let them know:

If you want to go regardless of FIs invite: That you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it due to class schedule. Ask when their RSVP due date is, and say you’ll let them know before then.

If you want to go only if Fiance is invited: Clarify if the invite is for you + Fiance. They will either say yes or no. You can decide from there.

If you dont want to go: Apologize for not letting them know earlier/that your mother RSVPd for you but you are unable to make it, but wish them the best.

Post # 3
3856 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Your mum was pretty out of line there! I think first of all you need to find out exactly what the invite said. If it did just say ‘and family’ then it might be totally fine to contact them and see if your Fiance can come too. If it specifically stated your name and not his then you’ll have to decide whether to go without him or not. Either way if you don’t even know if you can go you need to contact them ASAP and tell them that you were unaware of the invite and your mum RSVPed for you.

Post # 4
511 posts
Busy bee

In my family, it’s very normal to receive a wedding invitation attentioned to the parents + Family only. I don’t think i’ve ever received a family wedding invitation that was attentioned to me directly. In fact, I’ve sent out my Destination Wedding invitation in the same way – to ‘parents + family’. I think that ‘Family’ reference would definately include your Fiance. 

Post # 5
897 posts
Busy bee

I remember when hubby and I were first dating a family friend of his was getting married. His mum got the invite but for her and family, I dont think I ever even saw the invite but I was invited, found out through my hubby, and attended happily.  It seems strage that they wouldnt invite your Fiance, maybe they just assumed that you would know he is invited?

I would talk to your mum and get her to find out what the deal is, and if he really isnt invited then you will need to decide if you still want to go. Asking him to watch the animals while everyone is at the wedding though? That would probably upset me even more than the non invite 🙁

Post # 6
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

tricky… I would of had 2 invites bit may of left yours with your mother if you where going to see her soon (I HATE the postal system) but your mother should NOT RSVP for you esspecially without asking if you could even come


in my family though its common that my parents get invites and respond for us though… I find it a pain in the ass, I havent lived at home for 13 years

Post # 7
2626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

misslioness:  They probably thought he’d just come anyway.

My Dad’s side of the family is Italian and apparently it’s quite common for people to just… turn up. We had my Brother’s Wedding Reception in an Italian Restaurant and they were setting out extra places for all the family who would just ‘turn up’

We had to explain that we don’t do it like that in the UK haha 

I do agree though that it was rude not to send you a separate invite, and for your mom to RSVP on your behalf


Post # 8
511 posts
Busy bee

stephisaur:  My family has ‘extras’ who just up as well. All my cousins had about 300 people at their wedding but only knew about 100 of them. I’m having a small destination wedding for 50 people and am adamant that no extras will just show up at my wedding, however, unfortunately, we’ve ‘reserved’ 10 extra rooms/spaces just incase because its really hard to control in my family. Actually, now I’ve just realised from this thread that it could be because we always attention our invites as ‘parents + family’!!

Post # 9
7669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am 31 yrs old, have lived in another state from my parents for over a decade, and still occasionally someone will send a wedding invitation to my parents’ house and include me on that invite. I find it really tacky and sloppy. Like how hard is it to find out my actual address if you really want to invite me? If I was still living at home, fine, but that hasn’t been the case for literally more than a decade! 31 yrs old! Unreal…

Although I have to say this has not happened since I got engaged. I guess now that I landed a man, people have finally accepted that I’m independent from my parents? harrumph

Post # 10
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

The only time I send the invitation for adult children to the parents is when I don’t know their address and no one will respond to my requests on their actual address.  However I always make a seperate invite because saying “and family” could be confusing.  I wouldn’t assume the fiance was invited if it was worded as such.

Post # 12
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

misslioness:  Easy solution. Don’t go and tell your mother your fiancé will not be watching her pets. 


Post # 13
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Vineyard Lake

I’m really sorry your mom is treating you this way. She sounds alot like my mom. I would definitely find it hard to want to help her out with the animals when she doesn’t bother to treat you fairly…

Post # 14
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

impatientbee:  Agree, would also stop giving her help financially.  MAYBE a documented loan

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