Post # 1
Alright this is going to be your typical my Fiance was not invited to a wedding with me rant, but I really need a place just ot write out my frustrations.
So my mother received an invite for my dad’s cousin’s wedding three months before the wedding is even supposed to take place. This is the Italian side of my family who find family very umportant and I know from talking with them that this is going to be one big party all weekend event, plus we all know each other well since we have big family reuions every year.
So anyway back to the story…First of all my mother did not even tell me she recieved the invite for this wedding nor that she already rsvped. I found out today when she said that if my Fiance is still in our home state come time for this wedding (he is re-enlisting in the military and we should find out his ship out date any day now) she would like if he would watch the animals. This is how I found out mom had already recieved the invite, she already sent back the rsvp, and my Fiance was not invited. I have to say I am kind of offended that he was not invited one and two that a separate invited was not sent to me since I don’t live at home but in another city of our state.
My father’s cousin was informed that my Fiance and I got engaged back in April, we are getting married next summer, and I know if was not for lack of seats that my Fiance was not invited. My only other thought is that ithe invited listed my parents names and the phase “and Family” like the save the dates did back in December. Which knowing my mother she would miss read that to not include my Fiance. Also I really wish my mother would have told me about the rsvp becaue she told them I was coming when I don’t know if I will be able to attend yet or not for another month (the wedding is in MA and we live in Hawaii so I must get permission from my professors about beign allowed time off).
Sorry for the rant bees, I just really needed to get this off my chest, thanks if you have read this far.
Post # 2
Wow lots of rudeness! Yes you should have gotten your own invite. Yes they should have invited your SO (FI or not!). No idea wtf your mom was thinking.
TBH I probably wouldn’t travel to a wedding that my Fiance wasn’t invited to. If I were you, I would call the hosts directly and let them know:
If you want to go regardless of FIs invite: That you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it due to class schedule. Ask when their RSVP due date is, and say you’ll let them know before then.
If you want to go only if Fiance is invited: Clarify if the invite is for you + Fiance. They will either say yes or no. You can decide from there.
If you dont want to go: Apologize for not letting them know earlier/that your mother RSVPd for you but you are unable to make it, but wish them the best.
Post # 3
Your mum was pretty out of line there! I think first of all you need to find out exactly what the invite said. If it did just say ‘and family’ then it might be totally fine to contact them and see if your Fiance can come too. If it specifically stated your name and not his then you’ll have to decide whether to go without him or not. Either way if you don’t even know if you can go you need to contact them ASAP and tell them that you were unaware of the invite and your mum RSVPed for you.
Post # 4
In my family, it’s very normal to receive a wedding invitation attentioned to the parents + Family only. I don’t think i’ve ever received a family wedding invitation that was attentioned to me directly. In fact, I’ve sent out my Destination Wedding invitation in the same way – to ‘parents + family’. I think that ‘Family’ reference would definately include your Fiance.
Post # 5
I remember when hubby and I were first dating a family friend of his was getting married. His mum got the invite but for her and family, I dont think I ever even saw the invite but I was invited, found out through my hubby, and attended happily. It seems strage that they wouldnt invite your Fiance, maybe they just assumed that you would know he is invited?
I would talk to your mum and get her to find out what the deal is, and if he really isnt invited then you will need to decide if you still want to go. Asking him to watch the animals while everyone is at the wedding though? That would probably upset me even more than the non invite 🙁
Post # 6
tricky… I would of had 2 invites bit may of left yours with your mother if you where going to see her soon (I HATE the postal system) but your mother should NOT RSVP for you esspecially without asking if you could even come
in my family though its common that my parents get invites and respond for us though… I find it a pain in the ass, I havent lived at home for 13 years
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull
misslioness: They probably thought he’d just come anyway.
My Dad’s side of the family is Italian and apparently it’s quite common for people to just… turn up. We had my Brother’s Wedding Reception in an Italian Restaurant and they were setting out extra places for all the family who would just ‘turn up’
We had to explain that we don’t do it like that in the UK haha
I do agree though that it was rude not to send you a separate invite, and for your mom to RSVP on your behalf
Post # 8
stephisaur: My family has ‘extras’ who just up as well. All my cousins had about 300 people at their wedding but only knew about 100 of them. I’m having a small destination wedding for 50 people and am adamant that no extras will just show up at my wedding, however, unfortunately, we’ve ‘reserved’ 10 extra rooms/spaces just incase because its really hard to control in my family. Actually, now I’ve just realised from this thread that it could be because we always attention our invites as ‘parents + family’!!
Post # 9
I am 31 yrs old, have lived in another state from my parents for over a decade, and still occasionally someone will send a wedding invitation to my parents’ house and include me on that invite. I find it really tacky and sloppy. Like how hard is it to find out my actual address if you really want to invite me? If I was still living at home, fine, but that hasn’t been the case for literally more than a decade! 31 yrs old! Unreal…
Although I have to say this has not happened since I got engaged. I guess now that I landed a man, people have finally accepted that I’m independent from my parents? harrumph
Post # 10
The only time I send the invitation for adult children to the parents is when I don’t know their address and no one will respond to my requests on their actual address. However I always make a seperate invite because saying “and family” could be confusing. I wouldn’t assume the fiance was invited if it was worded as such.
Post # 11
Well here is an update bees. First of all thank you all for responding, I have to say I am am more upset with my mom than with my Dad’s cousins.
So come to find out my mom wants my Fiance to watch the animals for 2 weeks not a couple of days, since my brother is taking 2 weeks off to attend the wedding and spend some time with friends up in that area. Both of my parents will also be up near the wedding till the first week of october (wedding is mid september) so there will be no one to watch the animals for two weeks since as I said above I go to school in a different city.
On top of this my mom said she is going to be paying for my brother’s flight but not mine. This really upsets me since I am helping out with the payments on one of the houses my parents own till the new loan comes through (my brother isn’t), and my mom still expects me to pay for my own flight. Now to clarify I only work a little since I am a full time student with 3 degrees to finish with in 4 years(I am entering my last year), I have a bunch of scholarships but they barely cover all of my expenses. My brother on the other hand lives at home, doesn’t pay rent, has all his food paid for, his car insurance and car where bought and payed for him, and he works way more than I do.
Sorry for the rant bees but this is just starting to really piss me off. I know all along that even if Fiance was invited that he most likely would not be able to go because of his military training and our tight budget for the next year, but my mom is starting to really get out of line.
Post # 12
misslioness: Easy solution. Don’t go and tell your mother your fiancé will not be watching her pets.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2018 - Vineyard Lake
I’m really sorry your mom is treating you this way. She sounds alot like my mom. I would definitely find it hard to want to help her out with the animals when she doesn’t bother to treat you fairly…
Post # 14
impatientbee: Agree, would also stop giving her help financially. MAYBE a documented loan