(Closed) FI not pulling his weight with wedding plans? Normal?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How much does your FI help with wedding planning?

    I can't make a decision without him, we are both equally involved

    He takes control mostly

    I take control mostly

    I do everything on my own

    He does the typically 'groom' jobs like honeymoon, music etc


  • Post # 47
    2080 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @EnglishWifey:  I did almost everything with our wedding planning. I found the venue, picked the colors, picked the flowers, picked the menu, picked the music, picked out the invitations, wrote and mailed the invitations, kept a spreadsheet on guests, kept a spreadsheet on your budget, picked the cake, and wrote all of our thank-you cards.

    My husband booked our honeymoon, found the DJ (one of his friends), and helped pick out the tuxes.

    He wasn’t really into the planning and I don’t think most men are. However, he is a great husband. Most men just don’t like picking out decorative items. Most the details and things we see, men pay very little attention to. I wouldn’t take it too personal.

    Post # 48
    872 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My Fiance does almost nothing when it comes to the wedding planning. I’ve been planning everything! 

    My Fiance is a dreamer, he would much rather dream up things versus actually follow through with them….Which is where I come in. I complete this “hole” and I am the one that plans out his dreams and show him how to make them reality, and then he accomplishes them. 

    I am a planner by nature, I love to plan everything, so wedding planning only shines my strengths while shows FI’s downfalls. I’ve planned out his tux and groomsmen. This was originally his task, but with his crazy work schedule and working two jobs almost everyday for 7 days for weeks on end it fell onto me to complete this. 

    However in the month of May I’ll be having him take over some of my tasks because there is some unrest amongst the bridal party and feel like he is much better suited at dealing with people then I am, so I feel like this would be a wonderful time for him to finally take parts of this wedding by the horns and own it as his own. He’ll be taking time off of work this month to help with the planning which is a God send. 

    I understand that it can get kind of crazy having to plan a wedding meant for TWO people, but hang in there it just seems like to me you are having some insecurities/doubts which is totally typical for some women during the wedding planning process. Talk with your Fiance and let him know how you’re feeling – Maybe he just needs a wake up call. Good luck~

    Post # 51
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My Fiance reluctantly helps.. he’s so excited about the wedding and always says “I can’t wait until you’re my wife” etc. But when I start talking wedding or asking questions he just seems lost. But I think a major reason for this is because he wants what I want, and probably just frankly doesn’t care about those small and big details. I’m sure your Fiance is the same way and just isn’t keen about the small details that we care about! Hope this helped!

    Post # 52
    6399 posts
    Bee Keeper


    From the off, I didn’t expect him to take any interest at all in things like the stationery, flowers etc, and knew these would fall to me; it can be a bit annoying, but, there you go; and TBF, I do have a bit of interest in these things, so guess it makes sense for me to deal with them. I’ve also done all the leg-work in terms of narrowing down venues, photographers etc, though we have chosen all the ‘big’ things (venue; photographer; cake; menu choices; rings; honeymoon; etc) together; he had very particular ideas, as did I (luckily we agreed on everything) so he did have equal input with these things.

    However, I did get really annoyed with him a few weeks ago, as there were things I needed to discuss (mainly, the guest list) and he was dragging his heels. I ended up telling him that despite what he thinks, I don’t actually enjoy spending hours and hours researching and emailing venues/photographers, and that he should consider himself lucky that I’ve done all the leg-work, and that he has to only look through the short-list of the best of the best. I also said that the ‘magic wedding fairy’ hasn’t planned this, that it;’s taken me hours, and that while I don’t expect him to take an interest in everything, when I DO ask for help/input, I bloody well expect to receive it. In my case, I was doubly annoyed because it was HIM, not me, who wanted a big, flash, expensive wedding; I was happy with a simple, cheap and cheerful reception at a local pub!

    He apologised, and then I made a list of what we’ve done, and what still needs to be done, and I think seeing the sheer volume of things that still need to be done in black and white gave him a kick up the bum. He’s been much more helpful since then, coming to a wedding fair with me, coming to appointments with a baker and photographers, actually sitting down and finalising the guest list and menu options, etc. So, maybe that’s something you could consider?

    As far as how it bodes for later in life: in my case, I know that I will be the one making most of the big decisions, such as finding a property to rent and later to buy, managing home improvements/building work, dealing with the finances, etc. I don’t mind, as I’m good at these things, and he helps in other ways (DIY, cleaning, etc). If you feel like this may be the case for you, and you’re not happy, I do think this is something you need to discuss.

    Post # 53
    1748 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

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    @CiaArielleNeugebauer:  Ha. Yes. My STD has been custom designed. Jealous?? LOL

    Post # 54
    1293 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

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    @EnglishWifey:  He does everything. I’m not interested in planning, so I don’t. We are going away to the Caribbean though, so not much to do.

    Post # 55
    70 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My groom is supposed to do the honeymoon. We’re getting married in less than 50 days and he hasn’t done it yet! Everything else I’ve asked him to do (like asking his groomsmen and telling them about tuxes) took him FOREVER. He thinks “oh, it’ll all get done. don’t worry about it.” which is true but with all the things that will be getting done at the last second I wish he would do his few tasks faster! I love him though. This is teaching me major patience and trust.

    Post # 56
    297 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I think that’s pretty typical for grooms, honestly. Mine hasn’t helped with anything…and I’m totally ok with that. I’ve asked for his opinions on everything, but he doesn’t seem to care either way as long as I’m happy.

    Post # 57
    3823 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @EnglishWifey:  if i ask him for advice, he will ask me “do you really want my opinion?” i usually say no. lol but if i do, then he will give it to me, but it’s ultimately my decision. 


    he has a to-do list though. tuxedos, honeymoon, groomsmen logistics, and paper (invitations, save-the-date, table numbers, placecards). he’s responsible for paying for these things. we work together on the details, but for the most part he’s financing his list. i did not have any involvement in the honeymoon planning and that’s fine by me. i trust him. he’s so thoughtful and romantic and i am looking forward to what he has in store for us.

    Post # 58
    872 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    View original reply
    @EnglishWifey:  I totally understand that feeling of dampening FI’s dreams with realism. There was one time he had this plan with a friend to go into business with each other, but after I sat down and talked with him about the real challenges he’ll face, and the type of person his friend is that his dream of going into business with this friend was a bad idea. It crushed him because he hates to think bad of anyone, but once he mulled it over for himself (which took a whole year!) he finally admitted that I was right, and we worked with new ideas to channel his business ideas into another avenue. 

    As much as his dreamer side can upset me at some times in our lives I wouldn’t change it for the whole world. This is what makes him beautiful to me, and he can see things I cannot, and push me to do things I realistically thought I couldn’t do, and I am sure it is like that for you and your man. 

    I believe you two can over come this, and have a beautiful wedding and a wonderful marriage!

    Post # 60
    5187 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @EnglishWifey:  mine doesn’t do a damn thing. He can’t even give me a freakin’ head count of his co-workers, who he sees every day. The only time he’s ever seen our venue was when he  had to service their heater, which was like a decade ago. He says he remembers it being nice and That’s how I got his approval. He doesn’t know what’s on our menu Because he never attended any of the tastings. Does it bother me? It did a lot at first but I’ve gotten past it. If something bugs him on the big day it’s his own fault for not contributing any input.

    Post # 61
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    @EnglishWifey:  I’ve been reading your posts and LOLing, because I have really been through so many of the same things!

    My experience: it’s totally normal until they suddenly realise that there’s only a few weeks to go and start freaking out! Then they pull their weight. I’ve been trying to get Fiance involved since we got engaged over a year ago, but it’s only in these past few months that he’s got with the programme!

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