(Closed) FI not putting me first

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 76
Member
684 posts
Busy bee

Dump his ass this is Bullshit. How many female friends will he be playing sleepover with during the course of your relationship. 

 

 

Post # 78
Member
2732 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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thegrandinquisitor:  It’s girls like you who ruin perfectly good friendships over their own insecurities.

And it’s girls like you who clearly have no respect for the girlfriend of a male friend and their relationship. Boundaries need to be set regardless. Opposite sex or same sex! Even if a guy is hanging out with his “bros” way too often and choosing them over their SO regardless of their SO’s feelings. It’s not okay. Girls who jump to the “god that bitch is so insecure” are usually the ones crossing those boundaries and disrespecting the SO’s valid feelings.

Trust me, I have wayyyyy more guy friends than girl friends. My best friends have been guys my entire life. And they’ve all gotten into relationships and our friendship automatically shifts. Into a way that completely respects their relationships and their girlfriends. It’s the natural and right way to go about it. And trust me, I am not the jealous insecure type. But I still have my boundaries with my Fiance and he respects them as I do his.

ETA: I have never lost a friendship with one of my guys over them having a girlfriend. And it sounds like you have (hence the bitterness). Maybe the reason you have is because of how you are with these girlfriends. Maybe you’re crossing boundaries or making them feel uncomfortable or shaming them for being “jealous” and “insecure”. So your male friends chose their SO’s over someone who didn’t respect their relationship. Just a thought.

 

Post # 79
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

ineedadvice:  I would not have made those three different options. I would have said “end communication AND couples counseling or we break up” PERIOD. He still is not choosing to end communication with her or at least tone it down. Him choosing to go to counseling most likely is to atempt to justify his actions and get a third party to tell you that YOU  are being unreasonable. It doesn’t seem, based on his choice of those three things, that he has any intention of evaluating his boundaries with this friend. I would tell him that at least until you two go to counseling and figure out how this is going to work that he needs to cut ties with this friend and ask for some space and time to figure out his relationship and then he can revisit the friendship and set some boundaries you are both comfortable with. If this girl is such a great friend, she will understand.

Post # 80
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

interchangeable:  this is perfect. I would totally do this! What option would they have at that point? ha!

Post # 81
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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ChrissyMary9515:  “And it’s girls like you who clearly have no respect for the girlfriend of a male friend and their relationship.” THIS TIMES A MILLION. Thank god someone said it.

Post # 82
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

So he’s choosing couples counseling over ditching this girl? Ew. I’d remove that choice from the options.

Post # 83
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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thegrandinquisitor:  one more thing…just because I have relationship boundaries and do not act like a high school girl with all my guy friends doesn’t make me “insecure”. And like PP said, I have maintained ALL of my friendships with the opposite sex and so has my Fiance. So please don’t jump to ridiculous and judgemental conclusions because my opinion differs from yours. 

Post # 84
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I can’t even imagine WANTING to spend the night watching movies with another guy..and I have a lot of very good guy friends and have remained in contact with all of my ex’s. But spending an evening one-on-one with another guy would just feel really weird and disrespectful to my husband. Not to mention sleeping over at another guy’s house.. that’s just flat out cheating. Again, why would I even want to do that? There’s nothing nicer than snuggling up in bed with your SO. 

This guy clearly has feelings for this girl and is trying to turn it around on the OP to buy some time and justify his actions. He’s not ready for marriage and deserves to be dumped.

Post # 85
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I haven’t caught up on the whole story but I would never EVER invite a friend of the opposite sex over for a sleepover by ourselves if he was with someone. If I really wanted to have a sleepover, i’d invite them as a couple. It’s just completely inappropriate and wouldn’t fly with me. 

The date to the work even MAYBE if I was really close with the girl and my Fiance was the last option and they were like brother/sister. MAYBE

Post # 86
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you should not have made couple’s counseling an option in place of stopping communication with this girl. He probably chose it because he is still intent on keeping up communication with her.

I honestly don’t see how this could be a problem for him. If your Fiance loved you as much as he says he does, then he wouldn’t hesitate to drop this broad for you.

I hope it all works out though and the counselor knocks some sense into him.

Post # 87
Member
1865 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Holy crap, I can’t believe he chose couples counseling over ending things with her. 

And I don’t understand why you were not invited to go to this event with him for his so called friend. If she were a true friend to him, she would respect the fact that he is engaged and would without a doubt extend an invitation to come along to the event. It’s just weird and screams red flag. 

Post # 89
Member
260 posts
Helper bee

Um hell no, this is completely unacceptable and disrespectful. I went through a similar situation where my fiance has a female friend who he hangs out with, however it is a group of friends she just so happens to be apart of the group. anyway i thought she was ok although for some reason i didnt care for her but i still remained cordial. needless to say i found out she had made some nasty comments behind my back and yea that pretty much ended my respect for her. Although my fiance and her are still friends , they are never one on one. He knows there will never be a one on one with her ass and he has definitelyput my feelings first despite them having been friends since high school. I dont play that BS. I trust him but some females are just triflin and will go out of their way to sabotage a relationship and be that friend you can “lean on” in troubled times when to me is just a ploy to jump in if the opportunity arose. I dont trust this chic hes traveling hours away for. And ultimatum or not you deserve respect and to be heard and for him to at least take steps to show you are his priority.

Post # 90
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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thegrandinquisitor:  LOL oh thanks for the laugh. You are incredibly naive. I wish you the best in your relationship.

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