(Closed) FI not wanting to go to a family dinner

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@TattooedChick23:  How old is he?

Did he say exactly WHY is doesn’t feel like it?

Did you express how important it is for him to go with you?

Post # 4
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@TattooedChick23:  I always go to my hubby’s family events but he RARELY comes to my family events. Honestly, it hurts deep down but you love him for who he is. HUGS! I know it’s tough trust me I’ve gone through it for 3 years now. I take the TV cord and his video games sometimes with me if he pisses me off that bad.

Post # 5
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Wow, that wouldn’t fly with me.  This is not a no-big-deal dinner, it’s Christmas dinner with your family.  You are becoming each other’s family, you have to go to these things even if you sometimes doen’t want to.  I would literally give my fiance no other option but to come, unless he was really sick or in a deep bout of depression/anxiety or something.  And I’m not some uberbitch, there are just some things too important to skip!

As for suggestions, have you made it clear to him that it’s REALLY important to you?  Like REALLY REALLY?  If you have, and he’s still refusing, then uhhh… does not seem like a keeper to me…  :/

Post # 6
Member
3775 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@TattooedChick23:  I don’t know how to ask this in a diplomatic way, so I am just going to ask.  Are your family a$$holes?  The reason I ask is because I would rather be thrown into a sewer than spend with DH’s family.  He goes to my family’s things willingly because they treat well.  Just thought I would throw the possibility out there.

Post # 7
Member
4933 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I understand becuase I’m the one that doesn’t want to go to family events. Christmas is too stressful and far to overwhelming. I usually do end up going, but I am hesitant and not happy about it quite often. They have big family dinners fairly often and I just find it’s too much to take. The stress of my family and step family, extended etc and driving around to see everyone around Christmas gets to be too much. Sometimes it’s also becuase I’m very shy, and being bombarded by people is daunting. Then my fiance is in another room talking to other people the whole night. I’m basically alone navigating a sea of people awkwardly. I would ask him what about going is unnappealing. Maybe it’s just that he really doesn’t like baba’s pot roast or something silly. 

Post # 8
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You really need to chat with him and express how improtant this dinner is to you, it’s Christmas. Maybe offer him to skip a future less important family dinner, and/or make a deal that he doesnt have to go to every family dinner in future but that there are a few, Christmas included he’s expected to be at.

Post # 9
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

I don’t believe in making someone do something they don’t want to do. If he’s going to go and be miserable, I cant imagine you wanting him there anyway.

Any idea why exactly he doesn’t want to go? Video game playing seems like a lame excuse. Is he super socially awkward?

Post # 10
Member
4933 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@TattooedChick23:  Oh also, hey, fellow peg city girl here, also getting married in may. 😀

Post # 11
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@TattooedChick23:  I think he should nut up and go.  If you haven’t already, communicate how important it is to you.  Perhaps to compromise, you guys can drive separate and he can stay for drinks only or cut out before dessert… something.  But to go because he “doesn’t feel like it” is infantile.  There are a ton of things I don’t feel like doing, but sometimes you gotta suck it up and do it, especially if it’s to make your partner happy.

Post # 12
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I keep going back and forth on this becaue I sometimes don’t like going to things as well.  I understand shyness because I don’t always like group get togethers.  But for me, this is an important dinner and he should suck it up for an evening.

Post # 13
Member
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Jer72:   I don’t believe in making someone do something they don’t want to do. If he’s going to go and be miserable, I cant imagine you wanting him there anyway.  +1

Post # 16
Member
3775 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@TattooedChick23:  Good luck negotiating this with him.  Hopefully you can find a way to get both of you the most of what you want.  I am glad to hear that your family are nice people too, makes life easier for everyone. 😉

The topic ‘FI not wanting to go to a family dinner’ is closed to new replies.

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