(Closed) FI not wanting to register for things

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My ex H didn’t want to register anywhere either.  Dead set against it.  So we didn’t, even though in the 5 months from getting engaged to the wedding we got tonnes of his friends and relatives asking for our ‘list’.

We ended up getting a hell of a lot of mismatched glasses, and bits of chinaware etc.  I just couldn’t get it through his thick skull that whether he liked it or not, people would buy us presents.

This time round, I’ll either ask for a honeymoon fund, or set a registry up myself. 

Post # 18
Member
3728 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@melitabonita:  My Fiance and I have debated this. The way we settled it is that we know people will buy us stuff for the shower and the wedding– some people are anti-cash. We have money and have everything we need, but we really don’t want crap. We are registering for things we would use so that we don’t get huge bulky things that we would never want, but feel obligated to have. Instead we can get toys we wouldn’t buy for ourselves, but would enjoy.

One other thing that worked well for us– I asked Fiance what he cared about. He cared we got Corelle plates (his parents have had theirs for 40 years with 6 kids and 7 grand kids and none have broken). That was his only request. And soup bowls for pasta. So he got to pick out the plates and bowls and then I registered for other things. I asked for his input on some things (luggage, bedspread, furniture), but I did most of it myself.

As far as fun gifts, I put some on because I find that close friends prefer presents over cash. When people see something fun (an iPad, running watches, toys), they will buy them if they know you will use them. I know Fiance has spent $100 more than he was planning to on a gift because it was fun. Instead of a blender, they got to go zippling. Fiance hated the idea of giving a blender, and the bride was honestly happy not to have any more crap in her house!

 

Post # 19
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would appeal to etiquette. Guests will want to buy you gifts, and it is polite to provide them a variety of options in different categories and at different price points. Then I would ask what he does want to register for, since it kind of sounds like he’s criticizing without offering any contributions himself.

 

Also, I would set up the registry online and add or remove things from home where there’s less pressure. 

Post # 20
Member
1748 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@MexiPino:  We didn’t do fine china or crystal. A lot of things are upgrades and we got all new dishes and pots and pans. We also did bed sheets and towels. I don’t think I should have to register for more stuff when I registered for 10 place settings and I’ve only received 2 and 10 flatware place settins and I’ve received 0. Neither of those are on the pricey end (<40), so I’m leaving it.

Post # 21
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My Fiance has been great about registering for some items (kitchen/cooking stuff) but hoooorrrriiiibbbblllleeee on other fronts.     I’ve done 95% of the registering, and some stuff he has nixed after I put it on the list and some of it has stayed. I have re-done our registry like 15 times since we started them.   

 

However people DO ask about the registry and how to access it, so you might as well do it and that way get SOME things you actually want.   Just make one yourself, and register for things you want/need.  If he doesn’t cook…and you do…register for stuff you need in the kitchen.  That way you might actually get some of it.  

Post # 22
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@oneofthesethings:  Just wanna say- a lot of people I know, including my family, consider it very rude to NOT register for a wedding.  It’s understood that guests will give something to the couple- generally a gift or cash.  If a couple doesn’t register or only registers for a few things, it looks like the couple is asking for cash.  Some guests, especially older / more traditional people, are uncomfortable giving cash and only want to buy off the registry.  At the least, most guests like having the option of buying a gift or giving money.

 

It may be different in different countries or some cultures, but that’s how my family feels about it.

Post # 23
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I would just register and not tell him. My DH didn’t care about registering so I picked the stores and 95% of the items. I just verified my china selections with him. He may not be the one cooking, cleaning, or using appliances. Register. People don’t want to hunt arround for a gift. I’d rather select from a set list and press purchase.

Post # 24
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@MexiPino:  I’ve heard that you should register for twice as many things as you have people (even though you know that people in the same household will get you one gift). We invited like 120 people and registered for maybe 100 things. Its mostly for a variety of prices/options for people.

View original reply
@melitabonita:  My fiance didn’t want to register either, we love cooking so there were a handful of things we didn’t have that we really wanted, but after that he was just like i don’t think we need that lets go! Its normal. I did one whole registry without him.

Post # 25
Member
413 posts
Helper bee

I know how you feel. The other day we were at Macy’s and I was looking around and saying I wanted to register for a new waffle maker and some other things like dishes. My guy started saying how we didn’t need more stuff. I was very irritated and tried to explain that people will expect us to register for stuff and since we need a lot of it we are going to register for it. He always says that I “don’t use” stuff that we already have, which is not true. Whenever we do end up registering for real, I will definitely be adding more stuff online without telling him. Most of the physical gifts will be coming at the showers, anyways.

Post # 26
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Register without him

Post # 27
Member
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

lol you don’t need a garlic press, but yeah I can see where your Fiance is coming from on the gift awkwardness. It’s a bit grabby. I was made to register by my Mother-In-Law (I didn’t for the actual wedding), and I hated it. I put like 30 things on there and was done with it.

 

Post # 28
Member
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@MexiPino:  I’m registering at The Bay here in Canada and they actually have a guideline for quantities in price ranges based on the number of shower guests and the number of wedding guests to make sure you have enough choices.  

 

 

Post # 29
Member
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am going to be doing our registering, my FH has no interest in going to register for gifts.  He doesn’t understand why I want to register for new dishes, he thinks what we have are fine (I hate them, it’s a really ugly Corelle pattern his mother gave us a few years ago) I explained that it would be nice to have a complete set with serving dishes etc for when we have company.  When I pointed out we could register for things like luggage he perked up a little.  

I explained that people are going to buy us presents, we might as well suggest things we want instead of getting a bunch of crap we have to return – and mentioned a few less than ideal gifts we’ve received from my family in the past.  He came around.

Post # 30
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Fiance tried to insist that there was no point in registering because nobody even knows what a registry is so nobody would use it.  Ummmm, NO.  To prove my point, I asked his groomsmen, and they all (obviously) knew what they are.

I ended up doing the registering, at Bed, Bath, and Beyond and Crate and Barrel, by myself online, and then I just showed him and asked if there was anything he wanted to add, change, or delete.  I knew what we need and what kinds of things we like, so it was a pretty simple process.  Our registries aren’t that long (we’ve lived together for almost four years)

Post # 31
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Fiance said the same thing, so I just registered without him. We didn’t fight about it, but he isn’t comfortable with asking for gifts. I told him that we aren’t asking, we’re just registering for what we want/need and if people would like to give us gifts, they know what to get. Otherwise, we’ll end up with stuff that we don’t like or need, like more creepy Willow Tree figurines and velvet clow paintings.

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