Post # 1
Member
30 posts
Newbee
I’m due to attend a wedding in a few weeks. I’ve been friends with the groom for 7 years. My fiance is the Best Man. I planned most of the bachelor party (because I’m his friend, my fiance is not the best organiser and it was a 3 day out of town trip). I have never met the bride, nor has the BM or other groomsmen (seriously.. what?). I know enough about the relationship to be concerned but the groom is commited to going through with it (yes, ‘going through with it’- his words).
I never thought about the seating plan until my fiance is informed this week that I will be sitting at another table because I won’t fit at the top table (fair enough, or so I thought). Initally I was fine but the more I think about it I can’t help but feel a little sore about this… literally the only people I know are groom or at the top table (I know all of the groomsmen, the parents of the groom etc.). I will be sitting at a table with no one I know. I thought I was fine but with a million other stresses in my life (I won’t begin the list but suffice to say it’s long) the idea of going to a wedding were I feel excluded is too much. (If I were a man, I’d probably be at the top table but as it stands I’m relgated to girlfriend of the Best Man and sitting at another table.) I don’t want to ruin it for anyone (including by making demands on the seating plan) but I also don’t want to sit through everything alone having to make small talk with people I’ll never see again (if I could sit with my headphones in and ignore everyone I’d be completely happy but that’s plain rude at a wedding).
The only solution I see is skipping the day and joining in the evening after the meal. Any thoughts?
Post # 2
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t know if practices are different in your area, but where I’m from partners of the wedding party are never seated at the top table, and it’s not the couple’s fault that you don’t know anyone else.
We chose to only have parents and us at top table – there simply wasn’t room at the top table for the entire wedding party, let alone partners too. But it worked well that way anyway, as no partners were left stranded.
I think you should just suck it up for one day and make friends on the table at which you are seated. If I was your SO I would be upset if you chose not to accompany me just for that reason.
Post # 3
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: January 2021 - City, State
This is quite common where I live also and we will be doing the same at our wedding, it’s for an hour or so at dinner, you’ll live.
Post # 4
Member
934 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: December 1969 - City, State
I’m not sure why you expect to be seated at the head table if you’re not in the bridal party? Many years ago DH and I went to a wedding that he was the Bridesmaid or Best Man at and I was seated with random cousins/friends of the bride, despite DHs family being at the wedding. Most of my table was awkward and I was bored, there was no alcohol and speeches lasted five hours, but I did end up meeting a nice girl I chatted with the entire night – so you will survive!
Post # 5
Member
3233 posts
Sugar bee
You shouldn’t be seated with their family. I also think it’s very common to only have the bridal party and not their dates at the head table. I think you can survive eating with strangers for an hour. Conversation starter: “Are you a friend of the bride or groom” and “how do you know said person”… after all 8 people answer that dinner will be close to over.
Post # 6
Member
7568 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Where I live, it’s considered rude to split people from their SO’s. But the regional customs don’t matter because the decision has already been made. OP the rest of your post makes you sound bitter about a lot more than just the seating arrangements; you’re mad at the seating chart because you don’t like the person your friend is marrying. You will survive dinner with strangers the same way you survive a trip to the DMV or cleaning up after a sick pet: you just power through and do what needs to be done, then don’t dwell on it. If you have serious concerns about the marriage then have an honest talk with your friend.
Post # 7
Member
11533 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Yes, I would go and sit at my assigned table.
Bee, you need to take a step back and look at this objectively instead of being upset and offended about how someone else’s head table and parents/immediate family table at their wedding is affecting you. You are not being “excluded.” You’re simply being placed where any non-immediate-family member, non-bridal party guest would be seated. It’s unfortunate that you don’t know anyone else, but no one is trying to be inconsiderate to you.
Post # 9
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
If you don’t know anyone except for the groom and groomsmen of course you will be sitting at a table with people you don’t know (maybe even the other partners of groomsmen). This is pretty common. It’s not the entire evening. Perhaps you’ll make a new friend or two.
Post # 10
Member
11375 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
PP are right, you’re not being excluded! You seem like you’re having a little pout, but it’s not clear over what except that this man is marrying someone you don’t know and don’t seem to think much of/or think much of their union.
you know the groom well enough to plan the Bach party, so put on your big girl pantries and suffer through an hour of small talk with strangers. It’s really not a big deal and certainly not a slight.
Post # 11
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
Lol. You can’t sit at a table and make mindless chit chat with others? I think it would be quite silly not to attend the wedding simply because you don’t know anyone. During the meal, you will eat the food and in between courses, the best man can come talk to you.
Ive been there many times as one of the weddings I went to this summer, I only knew my fiancé and the groom basically. And one other person.
Post # 12
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
In my opinion adults can suffer a few hour dinner with strangers by making small talk.
Post # 13
Member
3440 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
hmm, fair warning as this will not be a popular opinion. I think head tables and king tables that aren’t big enough to accommodate everyones dates suck furry cat balls. But I’m an introvert with strangers, extrovert with familiar persons plus I never did like faking courteous small talk. (I can and do simply not a fave use of time) The wedding party is often there while getting ready, through the ceremony and for pics after so sorry I don’t like the idea of then keeping them hostage by your side through dinner service nor do I feel its necessary. I was against a king table bc it would have been too large with dates but equally against splitting up couples and made it work where everyone can sit with their SO. No one should have to *suffer through* anything at our wedding. Having said all that I would still put on a happy face and go, I just wouldn’t be thrilled about it.
Post # 14
Member
4924 posts
Honey bee
trueblue42 : you are not family and you are not in the bridal party so you are seated exactly where you should be. You were invited so I don’t see how you have been excluded. You suck it up and take it as an opportunity to practice your conversational skills for an hour then you get up after the dinner and dance with your boyfriend and tag along when he chats to other people at the wedding that he knows. You may actually find yourself on a table with the other partners of the bridal party. They will be in the same boat as you and you might actually enjoy the night.
BalletParker : Lol….love your typo! Big girls Pantries! I’m a big girl and I think I need a big girls pantry in my life!!!! 🙌🙌🙌
Post # 15
Member
11375 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
cmsgirl : haha!🤣😂😉 I was literally just looking up how to clear the iPad of its autocorrect bullcrap- i already cleared the dictionary but it hasn’t helped.
I’m down for Big Girl Pantry! It better be full of chocolate.