(Closed) FI of BM, friend of groom: Relegated to a table of strangers?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Would you go to a wedding if you were sitting without your friends and OH?

    Yes

    No

    Only if the seating plan was changed

  • Post # 33
    Member
    1601 posts
    Bumble bee

    Not everyone finds the format of a wedding fun. I personally have found the weddings I’ve attended generally pretty boring, and have attended out of a sense of obligation rather than interest. And it’s an annoyingly expensive obligation after the travel costs and hotel cost and gift cost. But I do it because I don’t want the couple to think I don’t care about them.  

    You’re good friends with the groom, so I don’t think this is a chore you can get out of. I sympathize. But I wouldn’t ask to switch up the tables, I’d just suck it up and remember not to do that to other people at your wedding. 

    This is probably not a popular opinion here, but I don’t think it’s some failing not to enjoy someone else’s wedding. You can like and care about someone very much, but also think their wedding was boring. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    335 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    My now-husband and I went to three weddings in the first six months we were dating.  He was a groomsman in two, and I was a bridesmaid in the other.  The first time we sat together at a wedding was our own.  The worst one was when I was not only at a different “odds and ends” table while he was at the head table, but we were actually in a different room(!!) from the bridal party and the “primary” guests.  

    We’re both introverts (I’m also hard of hearing and struggle with my hearing aids in crowded buzzing rooms), but we both made the best of it – even at the dry wedding – and managed to have fun.  We *might* have texted each other a few times during the different rooms one. 😉

    It sucks, but you’ll be fine, and you’ll be like us: at our wedding, everyone sat with their date.

    I don’t really get why skipping the wedding would even be an option for you, given how close you are to the groom.  We suck it up for people we love, even when they don’t treat us as well as we’d like.

    Post # 35
    Member
    1052 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I think head tables where couples are split are a little rude but I’d still go to the wedding. It’s only for dinner. Still, I’m glad head tables are dying out.  Last few weddings I’ve been to had sweetheart tables. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    1759 posts
    Buzzing bee

    this seating is so weird to me- I’m more than a few decades old so I’ve been to a lot of weddings (lol) of different cultures and economic status across a few states—– I’ve seen sweetheart tables most often just the couple, sometimes with parents and/or best man,woman. Only once the whole bridal party and it was a small group without and significant others (all of them shared a table close by).

    I wouldn’t go to a wedding where I wasn’t sitting next to my date.

    Post # 37
    Member
    10540 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    View original reply
    trueblue42 :  No, in my comment I was saying to remember to seat people (including your wedding party) with thier dates because of how you feel now. I was not suggesting you be petty and seat them apart.

    Post # 38
    Member
    9079 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Eh. My husband was the best man at his friend’s wedding. I knew literally no one except the groom & my husband. I sat by myself and survived.

    Post # 39
    Member
    507 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    View original reply
    trueblue42 :  Will you really “suffer” through the reception? 

    I get it, small talk is annoying at times but to “suffer” sounds dramatic. Would you be upset if they didn’t extend a plus 1? 

    You understand it is their wedding and they are paying to host their guests so they can design their seating however they want. You have the right to decline to prevent an evening of suffering. 

    FWIW, We sat couples together at our reception. We wanted our guests to enjoy themselves with their date/mate.

    Just keep in mind, it isn’t all about you on their day.

    Editing: I see you are going through some things which is making this wedding/party overwhelming. I totally get it. My mom has had major surgery several times and the last I felt like was small talk. 

    They’re more than likely not going to change their seating for you, so do whatever feels right to you. You can decline and spend time with your mother.  

    I hope it works out…

    Post # 40
    Member
    9105 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    trueblue42 :  I’ve been in almost this exact situation. I’m an introvert and hate having to make small talk with strangers but it never occurred to me to be upset. My husband’s best friend was getting married. I was so happy and excited for him. It literally did not cross my mind to fuss about the fact that I was sitting with strangers. I chatted with people like an adult and had a great time. I don’t understand this mindset or how “only if the seating plan is changed” is even an option. Their wedding is not about you. You’d sit there with headphones on if you could? wtf. Grown-ups make small talk with people they’ll never see again all the time. Do you see the inconsistency in saying “The groom is such a good friend that I’d be in the wedding party if I was a man, but I’d rather miss his wedding than be civil to people for an hour.”

    Post # 41
    Member
    545 posts
    Busy bee

    I’ve never gone to a wedding where non-bridal party members sat at the head table. Thankfully I won’t have this issue because we opted for a sweetheart table 

    Post # 42
    Member
    816 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    trueblue42 :  The only time I am sitting during a wedding is when food is served, other than that I am at the bar or on the dance floor so that would give you plenty of time to spend with your boyfriend 🙂

    Post # 43
    Member
    393 posts
    Helper bee

    I hear where you are coming from and it is unfortunate but I don’t think it is intentional.  I would try to make lemonade out of the situation and meet some new people and enjoy the food and new company.  Your fiance is lucky to have you; he can  pay it back later.  Sadly in life we will all face sitautins where we have to grin and bear it.  Trust me I know. 🙁

    Post # 44
    Member
    2543 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Even as a bridesmaid I hated the head table…I would hate to be the half of the couple that had to sit with strangers. Sure, you’ll survive, but that doesn’t make head tables any less rude.

    Post # 45
    Member
    1300 posts
    Bumble bee

    Personally I wouldn’t care, but I love meeting new people and chatting to them. ONCe dinner is over you can all dance etc anyway. I think you should go, put yourself out there a bit. xo

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