(Closed) FI of BM, friend of groom: Relegated to a table of strangers?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
  • poll: Would you go to a wedding if you were sitting without your friends and OH?

    Yes

    No

    Only if the seating plan was changed

  • Post # 46
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    We are having a head table because the bridal party all know each other well and their partners are in the same friendship group essentially so everyone is comfortable. But I wouldn’t be looking forward to that wedding in your position either, I’m sorry.

    Post # 47
    Member
    918 posts
    Busy bee

    This is very common where I live. I was once sat at a random table while my husband sat at the head table. Literally the only two people I knew were my husband and the bride. Nonetheless, I had a GREAT time at my table. We had so much fun.

    Post # 48
    Member
    7558 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I think it’s lame to split up partners. Such a buzzkill. Just do a kings table or normal tables. This whole “+1’s don’t sit at the head table” is not a thing in my family/friend circle.

    that said, I agree with pp’s that it is just one hour and you’ll survive. I would still attend the wedding, though in my personal opinion, splitting up couples for dinner is inconsiderate and gauche.

    Post # 49
    Member
    5778 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m sensing this is all about you feeling un-recognized. As 

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    Horseradish :  mentions, you sound bitter about more than the seating arrangements. You’re clearly not a fan of the bride. You feel that you’re closer to the groom than half his groomsmen but feel excluded because he went with the same-gender tradition in choosing his wedding party. You feel it ought to count for more that you’re close enough to the groom to plan the bachelor party- but in  truth you did that to pick up your fiance’s slack so IMO that’s more btw you and your partner rather than one more reason you’re deserving of a better spot in the seating plan. 

    FWIW I do think it’s nicer to sit people with their partners (we did at our head table) and we also had a female ‘best man’ so I tend to view choosing-by-gender a little outdated. However, there’s still no guarantee you would have been chosen. I’ve gotten to know friends of DH’s over the years and consider many of them my friends too, and vice versa, but I think in instances such as choosing a wedding party, I would still tend to be thought of as ‘partner of DH’ even by those who truly like me. 

    BUT you were asked if you were okay with the seating plan and you said you were. I can see why you’d say this if you don’t want to cause a fuss- but if it’s not worth causing a fuss over, it’s not a big enough deal to consider missing out on the wedding. If you truly think of this groom as a friend, how do you think he’d feel if he found out or suspected you felt slighted enough &/ or uncomfortable enough that you wouldn’t attend his wedding over something you claimed you were fine with? 

    Post # 50
    Member
    5778 posts
    Bee Keeper

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    BalletParker :  
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    cmsgirl :  I’m thinking I’d be happy sitting at the +1 Big Girl Pantries table with Bees, wine, & chocolate smile

    Post # 51
    Member
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee

    Most people don’t know where they’re seated until after the ceremony when they arrive at the reception. Would you have left if you had found out you weren’t seated at the head table? I think you’re lucky to have a heads up and can prepare accordingly. If you can’t be away from your SO for an hour or so for dinner, the problem isn’t the seating chart.

    Post # 52
    Member
    11385 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

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    RobbieAndJuliahaha :  cmsgirl: ๐Ÿท๐Ÿซโ˜•๏ธ๐Ÿ<- all we need in life! (Added dark roast coffee because hello!) 

    Post # 53
    Member
    8262 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I think its horribly rude and selfish of people to seat the Bridal Party away from their partners. That said, I think its a little overkill to not goto the wedding at all because of it. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    1256 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

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    professorplum :  That happened to me too, at my FI’s best friend’s wedding – he was a co-best man and at the head table in one tent, while I was seated in the “overflow” tent. At least my table was near a space heater, though! And my fiance came and spent every moment he could with me.

    OP, the dinner can’t possibly last that long, right? And then you’ll be with your Fiance on the dance floor, or you can sit together at an open table, or whatever. If you have social anxiety maybe you can prepare a few conversation topics, or just try asking people at your table about themselves. People love to talk about themselves ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 55
    Member
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2020 - Windermere, Cumbria

    What is a sweetheart table? Saw a few PPs mention it. 

    Anyway, it sucks to be separated from your Fiance, but you can spend lots of time with him when not eating. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

    Post # 56
    Member
    9575 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

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    trueblue42 :  I would just sit and chat with some people for the meal…. headphones or skipping the reception are not really the most mature options. Sitting with the bridal party is often part of being in it… I’ve been at the “orphan” table many times. My husband will be at the “orphan table” this weekend while Im a bridesmaid. Its not a day we’ll be spending together, Ill be with my BFF the bride. Its not date night when youre in a wedding party. Dinner takes max a half hour… NBD. You can meet the dates of the groomsmen during the rehearsal dinner, youll probably be seated with them. Its not rude or selfish of the couple either- the bridal party is on their team for the day!

    I guess im in the minority… I think sweetheart tables are awkward and rude. Have a meal with your bridal party instead of casting them off after photos are done. Couples have the rest of their lives to eat 1 on 1. And if they invited you to join the top table, theyd have to ask all the dates… its too much and often the dates are not close to the bride and groom. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    I’m a little sad for you that not being seated with your Fiance for one meal is more important to you than celebrating the wedding of someone who sounds like they’re a close friend of yours.

    Post # 58
    Member
    1087 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    We were going to do a Kings Table (where the +1s could sit with the bridal party), but it just didn’t work with the room layout. There was only one +1 that didn’t know anyone, but she is a social person and did just fine on her own.

    I think you just need to suck it up. It’s not ideal for you, but this isn’t your day. Have a glass of wine for some liquid encouragement ;o)

    Post # 59
    Member
    4788 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

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    BalletParker :  
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    RobbieAndJuliahaha :  I’m so in…all my favorite things!! ๐Ÿ‘Œ

    Now you got me thinking about my big girls pantry… I want a secret door at the back but instead of leading me to Narnia, it takes me to whichever restaurant or take away I’m in the mood for!!

    Post # 60
    Member
    1285 posts
    Bumble bee

    I just did this at a wedding this weekend and it was not a big deal!  My husband was acting as the photographer so I was alone for the ceremony, the dinner, and frankly most of the reception and didn’t know anyone.  It was fine!  He came over and said hi when he could, I hung out and made the best of it, and most of all, I was supportive both to the couple and to my husband.  I know it’s not ideal for someone with social anxiety, but I think skipping the dinner will create drama.  

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