FI one night stand / "bff" invited

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
47 posts
Newbee

I personally wouldn’t have someone like that at my wedding. If your soon to be hubby needs to have a word with her then I would be worried.

Post # 3
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

Do yourself a favor and don’t invite her to your wedding. If a grown ass woman needs to be “told” how to behave, she shouldn’t be there. Normally I’m very understanding about friendships of the opposite sex but in this case, I feel like there’s a reason why she’s such a bitch to you and that’s because she’s jealous of you. I’m also a little worried that he lied to you about this. Sex changes everything, I don’t care what anyone says. This isn’t a normal friendship and you should put your foot down on this one. It’s your day too. I certainly wouldn’t pay for, or have MY family pay for some rude bitch to disrespect ME on MY day! Oh HELL no! I don’t think you should either. You’re the one getting married, not her. If you feel uncomfortable having her there, she shouldn’t be there, plain and simple. You are the wife, you are THE priority moving forward. NOT HER! 

Post # 5
Member
7748 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yeeah no I would not want this person at my wedding. I don’t like being around people who are rude to me and/or weirdly flirty with/possessive of my Darling Husband on normal days – certainly not on my wedding day.

ETA: I also think the fact that he lied about his relationship with her to you gives you extra veto power here. I just see no reason why this girl needs to be there.

Post # 6
Member
5002 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Why would you want someone that is rude to you and ignores you at your wedding? Why does your Fiance not respect the way you feel about it? She is not the problem, your FIs complete disregard to your feelings is.

Post # 8
Member
1127 posts
Bumble bee

tmanon2211 :  was your Fiance at that wedding? If not, recap and explain you’re afraid of her behavior because you recently witnessed someone behaving badly at a wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

tmanon2211 :  You said “I’m secure enough to let her do these petty things during normal visits….” 

Why and why would he stand for it?  God gave women a 6th sense for a reason and it sounds to me like your antenna is going off about her screaming ‘danger’…. please do not ignore that.

Post # 12
Member
9561 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Yeah. It’d be a no from me… A sister who you guys need to worry about? Normal. A girl who obviously wishes she were you and is openly rude to you? No fucking way. 

I’d tolerate him still being friendly with her because I understand that he values her as a friend.. but not all friends need to attend your wedding.. and she has made it clear she shouldn’t be one of the friends who does.

Post # 13
Member
5860 posts
Bee Keeper

To be blunt – but not unkind because I’m on your side here- stop playing ‘Cool Girl’ saying you’re ‘secure enough to let her do these petty things’. 

Insecure is putting up with shit you shouldn’t put up with and pretending to be okay with it so people don’t think you’re insecure. 

Be secure enough to expect people to treat you decently and this first and foremost includes your fiance, because he isn’t being ‘pulled into a corner’ by this woman unwillingly nor is he blind to the way she treats you. “She gets like that sometimes” doesn’t cut it. SHE is out of line and HE is either enjoying the attention, too spineless to put a stop to it, or both. But whatever his motives, he’s allowing his friend to treat his future wife like crap and get away with it. 

IMO the fact that they slept together in the past wouldn’t be a dealbreaker in them being friends IF she acted like a platonic friend NOW. Platonic friends don’t treat their friend’s partner like crap nor like a rival. That speaks volumes. 

Why doesn’t your fiance have your back in all this? 

Post # 14
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

tmanon2211 :  Sorry… I just get passionate sometimes! Lol! I just can’t stand women like this! Even if it didn’t mean anything to him, it clearly meant a whole lot to her. He needs to accept the fact that he ruined the friendship by even going there with her and start making some new friends. I WOULD NOT let this chick anywhere around my future husband if I were you moving forward. And also, if she’s really that rude to you, he shouldn’t want to hang out with her in the first place. You two are getting married and he needs to be more supportive of your feelings!  

Post # 15
Member
5884 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

tmanon2211 :  Honestly, I’d try not to let this get to me.  You got him, she didn’t.  There is nothing here to indicate that your Fiance isn’t totally in love with you.  Who cares that they slept together in highschool?

I’d invite her, I’d give her a plus one (I’d hopefully want to give all single adults a plus one if you can) and I’d leave it at that.  You had a discussion with your Fiance about your concerns that she’s going to try to monopolize him adn he seemed to have an appropriate response.  Now just don’t stress over it.  

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