FI one night stand / "bff" invited

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 61
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee

She woukdn’t be welcome at my wedding, and she wouldn’t be welcome in my life. This would have been a deal breaker for me (and almost was several years ago). Two-faced, disrespectful, shady bitches aren’t worth keeping around. Sorry, not sorry. 

Post # 62
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I wouldn’t invite a woman who slept with my Fiance to my wedding. Let alone a rude women who slept with my Fiance. Buh-bye.

Post # 64
Member
2844 posts
Sugar bee

tmanon2211 :  Ok, if she’s not an intrinsic part of his group of friends then I’d be more firm with not wanting her there. He’s had plenty of time to try and put up better boundaries in the last couple of years – your wedding is not the time to test them out. 

You shouldn’t be having to worry about snakey girls on your wedding day, and your fi should be more concerned with your comfort and happiness on your wedding day than hers. Smart that you’re planning to talk to him about it soon! 

Post # 65
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I must be feeling totally petty and immature today because I’d actually want her at my wedding. 

The next time I saw her before the wedding (since you said this could be an option) I would hand deliver her invitation and sweetly say “of course I want you to have a front row seat to see us getting married! -lower voice- If you don’t want to be there though I would totally understand.” Smile and leave.

Shrug. Two can play a game. 

 

Buuuuuuut, the very best shut down I’ve ever heard of by a guy was on a thread here where the guy told the woman “stop being inappropriate” and the woman said “oh your wife is getting jealous huh?” And the guy said “what? My wife? She doesn’t even think about you. This is me telling you that you bore me.” If your Fiance said/did something similar it would be epic for your relationship. 

Post # 68
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Glad to hear the conversation went well. I’m a firm believer that sometimes men are just oblivious until you show them the black and white of it all. 

Side note: It sounds like this chick won’t be around much after your wedding. once you have that “Husband and Wife” title girls like this tend to give it up and move on. 

Post # 69
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Happy to hear that it all worked out.   I was going to post it sounded like the girl still had feelings for him (even if they did have sex, and your Fiance said it was a one off)  and was pissed that he was seeing you so that is why she was rude to you.   

 

Post # 71
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

tmanon2211 :  Just throwing this out there…I am in a similar (but not quite the same) boat. My Fiance has a close friend of the opposite sex. They went out on a few dates and nothing came of it and didn’t talk for months…then started talking again and went out on a few more dates and moved into friendship. Two months later, my now Fiance and I began dating. I am an, admittedly jealous and somewhat insecure person, and I’m not totally cool with how good of friends they were. There was some drama at the beginning of our relationship because of her…or rather, him not setting boundaries with her. While I know they are not romantic, the boundaries being set was super important to the health of our relationship. And to be honest, because they weren’t set/enforced until recently, I am not cool with her being at our wedding. My Fiance knows, understands, and is okay with that. If I were you, I would not invite her. Trust me, I know the guilt of feeling “well, my friends are coming, so yours should be able to too.” I, too, have a close dude friend and he is invited to the wedding and I felt mildly guilty that I didn’t want to extend the same courtesy to my Fiance. But at the end of the day, I just wouldn’t feel comfortable or happy with his friend there because I feel she has been disrespectful of our relationship and there is lingering resentment there. My Fiance supports me and understands not inviting her.

Your Fiance wins MAJOR points for stopping to assess her behavior and coming to the same conclusion. I love hearing that this worked out for the best and that your Fiance was open to your communication! I am so glad you talked to him 🙂 I hope your wedding day is infinitely less stressful!

Post # 72
Member
3463 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

tmanon2211 :  I wouldn’t focus on your desire that she not cause a scene. Because your Fiance could have a “talk” with her during which she promises not to do so and then you no longer have a leg to stand on. I’d focus on her open disrespect of you and how that disqualifies her as a wedding guest.

ETA I was late to the party, but I see it all worked out. Congrats on your excellent communication! 

Post # 73
Member
1683 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

tmanon2211 :  I don’t think the fact they slept together one time in hs is an issue, and the lie was obviously discussed and sorted out ages ago so i dont think that’s an issue anymore either.

But hellll no would I stand for one of my male friends to treat my Fiance the way this woman treats you. If they Did, no way would I stay close to them and no way would they be invited to my wedding.  I think your Fiance needs to reevaluate his friendship with this woman who is so rude to you and i dont think she should be invited.

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