(Closed) FI overpaid on a bachelor party BIG TIME–what should we do?

posted 12 years ago in Money
Post # 17
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with Mr. Bee, he needs to come clean and be honest.  That’s the best policy.  Especially since it sounds like from what you’ve said that they all knew the costs going into it. 

I hope that it works out!

Post # 18
3605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

so they all knew it was going to be that much money – then hell yeah, chase them up for it


Post # 19
2220 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m with eloping– if it WAS discussed before these guys need to settle the debt. Guys arent on top of small details like this (especially if they have wives, secretaries, or nurses lol)

Your Fiance just needs to break it down to the guys & get his money back. Its only fair since they all talked about splitting the cost.  

Post # 21
2220 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Did your Fiance foot the bill when they were out at restaurants & bars too?

Post # 23
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

If he gave them an estimate of 1000 for the night, then he definitely deserves to get more. If I were him, I’d send the following emails:

to the guy that hasn’t paid:

hey man… so I tallied up the total costs for the weekend and they came out to 1200. I know I told you 1000 so if you just want to give me a third of that, its total cool. My address is ___ and if I could get a check before ___ so I can cover rent, that’d be awesome. Thanks!


to the guy that paid 200:

hey man, thanks so much for the $200 you gave me last weekend for the party– it really helped tide me over until I tallied up all the costs. Total party came out to 1200, but I know I told you 1000 so if you just want to split that its cool. etc

Post # 24
530 posts
Busy bee

When I’ve shared costs for showers in the past, we’ve been given a general budget.  Sometimes we even throw into the kitty for an operating budget.  Then after the event, the coordinator sends another email with a breakdown of costs and subtracts out costs that each of the other hostesses have paid from the divided total.  Like total is $XX per person.  Then each person is listed with how much the person (or couple) owes less their initial contribution.  If one person intially contributed more, than one of the other hosts might be told to pay that person.

Post # 25
16 posts

I think its very difficult to come up with an EXACT budget for something like this. When I did it for my cousin, I asked all the bridesmaids how much they would be comfortable with spending. They gave me a maximum amount and I stayed within that budget to the best of my ability.


If he told them $1000 beforehand, I think $200 (bringing it to $1200) is definitely a reasonable amount of overage. He is owed the $600 from each of the other guys. In my opinion, they’re being cheap. Sorry, I said it. He should e-mail them with something like what corgitales suggested. There is nothing wrong or embarassing about that.


I totally understand what it feels like to be in a situation like this. A friend promised to split something with me and then completely bailed/avoided it. Rather than start something nasty with someone I need to interact with daily, my BF and I just ate the cost and considered it an important lesson learned. We will never get into a situation like that again! I suspect you won’t either. So either way, a lesson learned! Good luck and let us know what happens.





Post # 26
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think everyone has the obligation to pay him back!   $300 for a weekend away is not crazy in my opinion.

Simply email the two guys and ask them for the cash.  Easy.

And I think being a groomsman or not has nothing to do with it. 

Post # 27
1751 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

ouch – good luck.  I say it’s best to be up front from the get-go about costs, but since that hasn’t happened, i think that the best way to do this would be to email everyone together with the total, and break it down, and thank the people that have given so far and hope that the rest of the guys give more.  If there was an agreement for sure, then i think there will be no problem.  But if it was ambiguous, or if your Fiance thinks there was an agreement but really there wasn’t, then you may have to eat the cost.  

Post # 28
5280 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

i agree that the guys may not even have thought about it and trust me when i say that i know how hard it is to go from a great financial situation to a sucky one (i’m there now).  just give them a call or shoot them an email saying hey when are you going to give me the rest of your portion of the money, you know carriea.s.b. isn’t working and we really don’t have the extra cash to spare.

Post # 29
1652 posts
Bumble bee

 I think I would be angry with my Fi for doing that.  It soundsl ike he gave them an idea of what the cost would be.  So when they gave him $200 or whatever, why didn’t he say, “hey thanks, but where’s the other $100?”  What did he say to them, at the time?  And personally, if I fronted most of the money for lodging etc. (and wasn’t reimbursed until then) I wouldn’t be the one buying the groceries.

I think he should have been more direct with them.  He  can go back and do it now.  But he has no control at this point, if they don’t pay up.

Post # 30
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think this should certainly be a lesson for your Fiance about money. This is definitely something you should talk about ‘with the guys’ beforehand. That being said, hindsight is 20/20 as they say. I would suggest he email or call the other guys like hey, this is what it actually came out to be and I need more help financially on it. We all enjoyed it and in turn all need to chip in equally to pay for it (this is why he  should get $ up front next time). If that doesn’t work, you are basically stuck footing the bill, unfortunately. 🙁


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