(Closed) FI parents contribute?!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@cassandra102012:  I don’t think either set of parents is required to pay for anything. Traditionally, the brides parents paid for the wedding (sans guys apparel, the wedding license, the ring, etc) and the groom/his family did the rehearsal dinner, the honeymoon, etc. I don’t think it would be right to confront them. It’s their choice whether or not they contribute.

Post # 4
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think sometimes they pay the bar bill?  At least that’s what I’ve heard!  

My FI’s family doesn’t give even daughters much more that $500 towards the wedding. 

Post # 5
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

@cassandra102012:  I understand why you would be frustrated, especially with paying for the step-daughters wedding, but contributions are gifts, not mandatory. Unfortunately, you are not in a position to confront his dad. If they want to help, they need to be the ones to offer it.

Post # 6
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@cassandra102012:  In modern times, the only people responsible for paying for your wedding are you and your Fiance. It’s always nice when family helps out, but you are absolutely not entitled to spend anyone else’s money on your wedding. If your FI’s dad wanted to contribute, he would offer money. Since he hasn’t, there’s no reason to confront him, just accept his decision.

Post # 7
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Its not really their obligation to pay for anything. They should morally, but technically they do not have to. Sadly, thats the way it is. My parents are divorced and my dad isn’t paying a cent for anything. Yeah it upsets me sometimes, but whatever…

I think both you and your Fiance should tell them politely that you would appreciate any help if they are willing.

Post # 8
275 posts
Helper bee

They’re not responsible to pay for anything BUT how nice of his mom to provide your flowers. Glass half full, glass half fulllllllllll!

Post # 9
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Agreed with PPs. If you are old enough and mature enough to get married, then you are old enough and mature enough to pay for the wedding yourselves.  Any contributions from parents or others are gifts…and you can’t demand gifts.

That said, it’s frustrating to see a parent give to one child and not another, so I can see why that would hurt and I’m really sorry you’re going through that. But there really isn’t anything you can do about it.

Post # 10
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

When both of my brothers were married my father paid the bar bill and the rehearsal dinner.  There are things that the groom’s family are ‘supposed’ to do, but it is essentially a gift. 

With my wedding, my fiance’ is a only child of a single mother.  She isn’t in the financial position to help a lot but she is going to do what she can.  It’s a case by case situation and if they haven’t offerred I don’t think you can ask.   But hey, his mom is buying your bridal party flowers…that’s awesome!

Post # 11
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

but his dad and evil step mom hasn’t offered to due anything! I understand it is the brides parents job to pay for most of the wedding, but its not like their freakin rich! What his is parents “suppose” to contribute…. i want to confront them but im not sure if nots the right thing to do

good grief!

its lovely other family members have given money to pay for your wedding but you shouldnt confront anyone for money – its rude and screams entitlement

Post # 12
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am sorry, but I don’t understand this rant.  The FI’s family is not “supposed” to be responsible for much more than the groom’s/rehearsal dinner…. however even that these days cannot be counted on.  The tradition is that the bride’s parents pay for the whole wedding.  And let’s cut them some slack, we know that most of the parents out there nowadays are in no position to pay for their daughter’s full wedding. (I blame it on the wedding market – it’s become ridiculously expensive!!!!)  So we cannot simply say that the bride’s parents are off the hook from having to fulfill their duties, but the groom’s parents not only have to fulfill their duties but also contribute more to make up for the bride’s parents?  I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be rude, but in today’s society if you’re goind to get married you should really expect to pay for it all yourself and if you get help from others you should be THANKFUL for that help, not expentant of it.

As for him helping with your fiancee’s step-sister’s wedding, remember that it’s tradition for the parents of the BRIDE to pay for things.  So if he is considered the parent of bride in that situation, albeit a step parent, then he has fulfilled his duty.  He may naturally feel that it is not his duty to contribute to his son’s wedding and although it sucks I don’t fault him for it. 

I’m sorry, I’m not trying to rip apart your side, I’m just trying to help you see it from his perspective.

Post # 13
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow.  No one in this day and age owes you anything in regards to your wedding.  It is the norm for the couple to pay for their own wedding – every single part of it.  If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pop for your own wedding. 

Consider anything that you’ve gotten so far simply a bonus and not required.


Post # 14
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@cassandra102012:  The only people who are “supposed” to contribute to your wedding are the people getting married. Gifts and contributions from parents are lovely and generous, but not obligated.

Also, as a mother of a child with a step-parent, your comment about the “real son” rubs me the wrong way so badly I can’t even express it. I’m going to assume you said it because you’re obviously very frustrated about the situation, but it’s not really cool to imply a bio child is anymore ‘real’ than a step-child. I get that it sucks that his parents helped with one child’s wedding and not another, but… well.

Post # 15
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

When my brothers got married, my parents did the rehearsal dinner… They also bought all of the dishes as shower gifts… and then gave large financial gifts at the wedding.

The only “bill’ they paid, though, was the rehearsal… I have also sometimes heard that the groom’s family additionally pays for flowers – but that’s uncommon where I am

Post # 16
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

When my FI’s brother got married, his parents gave him $20,000. We get nothing except an “I’ll try to make it there.”

We have not said anything about it. We have not expected anything. We are smiling and continuing with everything as planned with no financial help from anyone.

Nobody has to help you with anything.

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