Post # 1
Soooo first major speedbump for me in planning. My Fiance parents are paying for our venue and we’re paying for everything else. My mom is helping with my dress and also threw our engagement party/will throw my shower. My dad hasn’t contributed whatsoever and probably won’t for financial reasons. So, Fiance said his mother wants her and her husband to be named on the invite as the person who’s inviting everyone’s presence, but does not want to include my dad.
I told him there is no way I am putting his parent’s name, my mother’s name, and not my dad. It’s either all or nothing. He won’t do “Together with their parents…” or just saying “Your presence is requested for the marriage of Gina and John” with our parents names because his mother wants people to know she paid for the venue. I need some serious help because I wanna scream! Has anyone else been in this situation? Or seen invites coming from groom’s parents? Any advice on wording would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 2
Post # 3
That is a tuff one. Maybe something along the lines of. ” his parents invite you to ~~~~~for the wedding of John and Gina with the blessing of your parents.” That way everyone is listed it is obvious his parents paid. And you’re mom will have to get recognition for the rest separately. Or you may have to leave your mom out of the invitations all together, so it isn’t outcasting just your dad.
Post # 4
That is Awful… Why do they Need to have everyone know so clearly they paid at the expense of someone less financially abundant being embarrassed ! Surely they can name everyone … Like together with their parents… And the groom can make a big deal during his speech about them paying for reception so everyone knows and they get their glory moment
Post # 5
Thank you pinetree and ItWasntMe!
Missjan – I said the same thing! that the invite is more to request people’s presence to witness us get married so why is this such a huge deal who paid for what. I get she’s proud she’s paying but I will absolutely suggest the same thing – to say something during his speech.
Post # 6
Yeah that seems pretty selfish of her. It’s really none of her business what your parents contributed so maybe in the future you should keep that private, if this is how she’s going to act. I agree, all or nothing. Good luck!
Post # 7
“moms name and dads name invite you to the celebration of marriage between their daughter ginae1255 and “FI’s name” the son of “fi’s parents name” blah blah blah….
Thats all I could really think of to make it “easy”. It is a tough one!
Or you could just make them wear signs at the wedding that say “I paid for the venue”. That way there is no confusion
Post # 8
I think I would do ANYTHING to avoid having them (the inlaws) pay for your wedding.
I’d rather be married under a tree in a public park to have this burden over me.
Families chip in and pay for what they all can reasonably afford, and hey, a wedding celebration is NOT a team competition, is it?
The unfortunate thing is that you didn’t have all your ducks in a row earlier on, because your mom has already layed out a chunk of money that might have been put toward the wedding itself.
This sounds like one of these scenarios in which the player with the biggest bank account decides to make up the rules. iIf there is any way you can think of to relieve them of this power, I’d do it. Truthfully, your Fiance is not acting much lke a husband in what he’s saying right now. If he can’t stand up in this situation, what WILL BE IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR HIM TO STAND UP TO?
I am so SO sorry this has happened to you.
Post # 9
Man, that would infuriate me. I think you should push him to just include a generic statement about all parents. There is no need to single out your dad, especially if you aren’t comfortable with it. Tell them you got $10 from your dad for your pantyhose and that designates a financial contribution, so they should just be happy.
Ugh. Stuff like this makes me so mad.
Post # 10
I’m a little biased in that I was in your FI’s position where my parents have essentially paid for most of our wedding and his parents are contributing nothing. What I did was put FI’s parents names under his name as “Son of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe”. My parents never made any requests though that I specifically exclude FI’s parents from the host line. While it seems petty and selfish, what your Fiance wants to do, my reasoning for not including my FI’s parents on the host line is that for me, it’s a little hard to see your own parents coughing up so much cash for the wedding when the other side doesn’t care to help out for a wedding that joins two people and their respective families. Epecially when your parents are generous to be paying for his parents’ guests as well.
EDIT – I do think it’s weird though that if your parents are still married, to exclude your dad and just put your mom as having helped pay for the wedding. I’d probably just do both your mom and dad on the host line. My situation is kinda different because none of his parents are contributing anything so technically neither of them have a right to be on the invite.
Post # 11
The interesting thing is that placing their names first would indicate who is “hosting” the wedding, not just who is paying for it. There is a lot more to hosting than just paying for the venue.
His parents are being ridiculous and so is he for supporting their idiotic demands. There are a lot more costs to a wedding than just the venue. You as a couple, and your Mom are also “paying for the wedding”.
This is a good time for your Fiance to learn that being diplomatic and including all the parents in the wording will bode well not just for the wedding but for your life.
Post # 12
I have what I think is an unpopular opinion on this.
In my opinion, it is polite to have all four parents, listed by name, do the inviting regardless of who paid for what. Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents request…at the marriage of their children…
Personally, I am always embarassed for people’s parents when I see the Bride and Groom doing the requesting or see the generic statement Together with their Parents without mention of the parent’s names.
All parents are always hosts regardless of who paid for whate and all parents should do the requesting regardless of who paid/didn’t pay.
I would tell you ILs that all parents have contributed in some way and all will be honored with their names on the invitation.
Post # 13
onthefritz – that last sentence made me laugh!!
ann.reid – it’s funny cause when this was first proposed for his parents to pay for the venue, I said no. I have always been very independent, paying myself through college, working since I was 15, etc. so people helping me in such magnitude actually makes me feel weird. My Fiance and I do have enough to pay for it ourselves outright, but she wanted us to have more money to put a downpayment on a house. She sat me down and insisted that she pay for the venue because she wanted to do something special for us. (mind you this money is coming from her parent’s house that they finally sold so it’s not like it was saved for a long time to help with her son getting married) so it was hard for me to say no to her face when she was so happy to do it. But now, it’s like a competition and it’s driving me insane!
I do have to mention I have always had some issues with finances with my father – him not paying my mom child support so I would have to help her pay for bills (making 5.50 an hour as a teenager), him borrowing money from me, not paying me back or saying he’ll contribute for things, gets the credit, and then doesn’t pay (he still tells people he paid for my college, my car, etc…and I’m like ummm no you didn’t – I did) so when my Fiance sees this, I think that is where this is stemming from – they all don’t want my dad to try to take credit for this too without support. Even though my dad has some priorities mixed up and some issues, he’s still my dad, I still respect him and love him. I just wouldn’t want him to feel hurt on my wedding day so hence the issue.
Post # 14
Exactly what I was going to say.
OP, if you put his parents’ names at the top of the invitation (“John and Jane Jones request the pleasure of your company, bla bla bla…”), that indicates that they are the hosts of the event. They are not the sole hosts (so it seems to me). They have paid for one part of the wedding. Your mom has paid for another part of it. You and your fiance have paid for yet another part(s) of it.
I think the only solution is to do a “Together with their families…” type of thing. Explain the rationale to your Fiance, and have him explain it to his parents, if necessary. This is a good chance for you guys to assert yourselves.
Post # 15
You really cannot leave your Dad off the wedding invitation and include the other parents. It would be so rude and unfair to your Dad.
Your Future Mother-In-Law offering to pay for the wedding is a GIFT to you and your Fiance. It has to be all parents or no parents.. anything else isn’t fair and would look really embarassing and offensive.