(Closed) FI Parents Paying for Venue..how to word invite HELPPP

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

That is a tuff one. Maybe something along the lines of. ” his parents invite you to ~~~~~for the wedding of John and Gina with the blessing of your parents.” That way everyone is listed it is obvious his parents paid. And you’re mom will have to get recognition for the rest separately. Or you may have to leave your mom out of the invitations all together, so it isn’t outcasting just your dad. 

good luck. 

Post # 4
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

That is Awful… Why do they Need to have everyone know so clearly they paid at the expense of someone less financially abundant being embarrassed !  Surely they can name everyone … Like together with their parents… And the groom can make a big deal during his speech about them paying for reception so everyone knows and they get their glory moment 

Post # 6
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

Yeah that seems pretty selfish of her. It’s really none of her business what your parents contributed so maybe in the future you should keep that private, if this is how she’s going to act. I agree, all or nothing. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

View original reply
ginae1255:  

What about

“moms name and dads name invite you to the celebration of marriage between their daughter ginae1255 and “FI’s name” the son of “fi’s parents name” blah blah blah….

Thats all I could really think of to make it “easy”. It is a tough one!

Or you could just make them wear signs at the wedding that say “I paid for the venue”. That way there is no confusion

 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  onthefritz.
Post # 8
Member
2432 posts
Buzzing bee

I think I would do ANYTHING to avoid having them (the inlaws) pay for your wedding.

I’d rather be married under a tree in a public park to have this burden over me.

Families chip in and pay for what they all can reasonably afford, and hey, a wedding celebration is NOT a team competition, is it?

The unfortunate thing is that you didn’t have all your ducks in a row earlier on, because your mom has already layed out a chunk of money that might have been put toward the wedding itself.

This sounds like one of these scenarios in which the player with the biggest bank account decides to make up the rules. iIf there is any way you can think of to relieve them of this power, I’d do it. Truthfully, your Fiance is not acting much lke a husband in what he’s saying right now. If he can’t stand up in this situation, what WILL BE IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR HIM TO STAND UP TO?

I am so SO sorry this has happened to you.

Post # 9
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Man, that would infuriate me. I think you should push him to just include a generic statement about all parents. There is no need to single out your dad, especially if you aren’t comfortable with it. Tell them you got $10 from your dad for your pantyhose and that designates a financial contribution, so they should just be happy. 

Ugh. Stuff like this makes me so mad.

Post # 10
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m a little biased in that I was in your FI’s position where my parents have essentially paid for most of our wedding and his parents are contributing nothing.  What I did was put FI’s parents names under his name as “Son of Mr. and Mrs. John Doe”. My parents never made any requests though that I specifically exclude FI’s parents from the host line. While it seems petty and selfish, what your Fiance wants to do, my reasoning for not including my FI’s parents on the host line is that for me, it’s a little hard to see your own parents coughing up so much cash for the wedding when the other side doesn’t care to help out for a wedding that joins two people and their respective families. Epecially when your parents are generous to be paying for his parents’ guests as well.

EDIT – I do think it’s weird though that if your parents are still married, to exclude your dad and just put your mom as having helped pay for the wedding. I’d probably just do both your mom and dad on the host line. My situation is kinda different because none of his parents are contributing anything so technically neither of them have a right to be on the invite.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  Jewelieee.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  Jewelieee.
Post # 11
Member
47337 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The interesting thing is that placing their names first would indicate who is “hosting” the wedding, not just who is paying for it. There is a lot more to hosting than just paying for the venue.

His parents are being ridiculous and so is he for supporting their idiotic demands. There are a lot more costs to a wedding than just the venue. You as a couple, and your Mom are also “paying for the wedding”.

This is a good time for your Fiance to learn that being diplomatic and including all the parents in the wording will bode well not just for the wedding but for your life.

Post # 12
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

I have what I think is an unpopular opinion on this.

In my opinion, it is polite to have all four parents, listed by name, do the inviting regardless of who paid for what.  Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents request…at the marriage of their children…

Personally, I am always embarassed for people’s parents when I see the Bride and Groom doing the requesting or see the generic statement Together with their Parents without mention of the parent’s names. 

All parents are always hosts regardless of who paid for whate and all parents should do the requesting regardless of who paid/didn’t pay.

I would tell you ILs that all parents have contributed in some way and all will be honored with their names on the invitation.

Post # 14
Member
4502 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

View original reply
julies1949:  Exactly what I was going to say. 

OP, if you put his parents’ names at the top of the invitation (“John and Jane Jones request the pleasure of your company, bla bla bla…”), that indicates that they are the hosts of the event. They are not the sole hosts (so it seems to me). They have paid for one part of the wedding. Your mom has paid for another part of it. You and your fiance have paid for yet another part(s) of it.

I think the only solution is to do a “Together with their families…” type of thing. Explain the rationale to your Fiance, and have him explain it to his parents, if necessary. This is a good chance for you guys to assert yourselves.

Post # 15
Member
2159 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
ginae1255:  You really cannot leave your Dad off the wedding invitation and include the other parents. It would be so rude and unfair to your Dad. 

Your Future Mother-In-Law offering to pay for the wedding is a GIFT to you and your Fiance. It has to be all parents or no parents.. anything else isn’t fair and would look really embarassing and offensive.

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