(Closed) FI pissed I won’t go to his GMs DW

posted 11 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 18
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Just out of curiosity, how did you word concern?  From what you wrote, I can understand his digging in and making a fuss not because he’s hugely invested in attending, but because the way you phrased your concerns is perhaps a bit more dictatorial than you meant? 

If my husband said, “I would rather we not do this.  It’s very expensive and I can’t see how we will be able to afford it.  I don’t think this is a good use of our money.” I would be irritated, but receptive.  Something like, “I’m not doing this because my priorities lie elsewhere” would hurt, since it seems like he’s made a big decision as himself, rather than my partner, and because it implies that his priorities are automatically better than mine.  (That may be true, but having it put in just that way stings and makes me want to fight rather than compromise ebcause I’m embarassed.)

Post # 19
Member
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

im seeing alot of “i” in your OP and not alot of “we”.   have you actually sat down together to go over the forecast budget for the year – maybe if he was more hands on with the finances he might realize how some things are not possible or other things need to be sacrificed for it to happen

goodluck!

Post # 22
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I agree with the PP. You’re going to be married by the time you go on this trip (or not), you’ve got to stop thinking of “I” and more of “we.”  This sounds like a good time to talk finances. If he makes more money than you, then perhaps when your moneys are combined, you’ll find you can do everything you wanted to do, and take this trip. It might be what he’s thinking too. Seriously, it’s not just your money anymore.

Post # 23
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Kittyachi: I think you should definitely look at this on more of a combined finances level.  I have a hard time doing this since I was independent for so long.  I’m in the same boat as you…Fiance makes a lot more than I do (although I hope for that to change soon!) so it’s hard for me to think about our money as “combined” since we haven’t officially put it together yet.  I always feel bad when he buys stuff for me or us.

Anyway, it does look like you might have to tackle the overall idea of a budget/combined finances sooner rather than later.  If with your combined money, you can swing this no problem, then you have no worries!

Post # 24
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

If he is already going, then (as a family) you are already paying for the hotel and transportation to and from the airport.  I could understand if you both decided that you could not afford to attend the wedding, but Jetblue runs pretty cheap flights to Fl, so having only one of you go isn’t the most effective cost-saving move.  Instead, I would say to my Fiance, I understand you want me to go to this wedding.  It will cost XYZ.  If you can pay for half that cost (by giving up something only he cares about, like premium cable or working extra shifts) then I’ll go.  Are you upset about the actual cost of your ticket, or the fact that he decided he could go without discussing it with you?

Post # 25
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee

Can I just say, ummm who plans a Destination Wedding right before christmas and expects anyone to show up? No offense, of course, but the weekend before? What if there’s a snowstorm and you can’t get home for christmas? How sad.

Regardless, like others said, budget for this year together. IF you find you still can’t pay for it AND you’re both giving up going to your friend’s wedding in LA, then obviously he can’t expect that you’ll be going (and probably should rethink whether he can go). Are they going to have any kind of hometown reception?

Also… OMG a dog?! there was just a post about someone’s sick kitty floating around here and talking about how expensive vet bills were. I don’t think right now is the time! Your Fiance must be made of money, lol 🙂

Post # 26
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Laboroflove- that’s exactly what I was thinking. Why on earth would anyone plan a Florida Destination Wedding wedding right before Christmas? I would think the airfare would be through the roof at that time of the year.

Post # 27
Member
3124 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@northernarizona – haha, I DID! And the flights are less $ during that time b/c it’s not peak season.

@kittyachi – it sounds like you and i have similar anxiety about money.  My husband makes many multiples of what I do, and I am anxious now that we have combined finances, and feel guilt when I buy something with a shared card. We have the money, and I hardly buy stuff, but I still feel terrible. Logically I know I should relax, but it’s hard. You guys should consider having the budget/combining talk a little sooner – i think that’d alleviate some of your stress. I think that if you can have that talk and really figure out where you stand (you PLURAL) then you might find that it’s not as hard as you’re thinking it will be.

Post # 28
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee

@Melissa well yours wasn’t the WEEKEND before though… I originally planned on the same weekend as you! I hear you on airfare, but man, the WEEKEND before CHRISTMAS… No way!

Post # 29
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

My FI’s bestman is talking about a destination wedding later this year too.  I guess we’ll figure out some way to do it, but I’m not going to worry about it until they set a date.  I was honestly relieved when her sister got engaged last month so that might put thier wedding back a little.  hehe!  so terrible!  Anyway, Christmas is still a long time away and you don’t have to make any decisions until after your wedding.  I wouldn’t let it bother you right now.

Post # 30
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Well, atleast in my experience the flights are always really expensive right around Christmas… and then these poor guests have to pack up and then probably fly somewhere else to see their own families. I wonder how big this wedding is?

Post # 31
Member
3761 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you have to remember that at the point of this Keys wedding, you will be married couple.  If you guys have a JOINT budget at that point and you guys need to JOINTLY decide if its in your budget.  He may want to fly as a couple, but realistically it is cheaper to fly solo.  Maybe you could explain that you understand he wants to be there for his friend, but its not possible to pay for two people to fly, but it would be possible if he just went. 

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