(Closed) FI refuses to EVER have a joint bank account

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 62
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hubby and I have a joint account for all living expenses and basic needs, and then we both have seperate accounts for discretionary spending. ( we put the same % of our gross income in to each account.)

We value money differently. Hubby is a saver- and has saved $40,000 in the 3 years we have lived together- I am a spender- and have NO savings other than our joint money savings. (there is plenty in there- but I would never spend it!)

You say this is not a deal breaker for you which is fine, however it obviously bothers you enough to share. It also means in the end that the money and therefore power (lets be honest here!) mainly belongs to him- and this is what concerns me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 63
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@TheMsMittens:  we have a joint account now and wouldn’t have it any other way-but everyone does things differently. He seems to be reacting to his parents’ marriage problems rather than any problems in your relationship—I think you could work out a compromise here, and eventually he will see you’re not his mother lol

Post # 64
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Fiance and I don’t have a joint checking account, but we do have a joint savings account for big ticket items.. Although we do share money, more often than not, I am the one with his debit card and he just uses cash. This seems to work for us, and if he ever wanted to change our money situation and decide to be “whats mine is mine” type of mind set it would really bother me. My parents have always shared money so maybe i’m just use to thinking thats how it should be

Post # 65
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

BF and I have our separate savings/checking accounts, and also a joint savings/checking. We each deposit the same amount monthly for household bills, and a little extra to build up our savings (for trips, or remodeling the kitchen, or just general rainy day funds).

He does not see my personal account, and I do not see his.
He makes more than I do but *I* suggested we each pay 50% of the bills. That’s just how I was brought up– it’s how my folks work their finances.

That said, if he were unemployed or I was (which may happen in about 6 weeks. Yikes!!) we would still help the other person out. We do take care of each other. 🙂

Post # 66
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

Fiance and I have decided to have different accounts but also a joint account which we will deposit money in to each month.

We will split major expenses such as rent, insurance, cable, utilities, groceries etc. based on our income.  This works for me better than splitting it in half because he makes about 3 times what I do, even though I do alright.  

It’s also great because we agreed groceries come out of the joint fund, but individual lunches out, starbucks runs etc. come out of personal fund!  It’s great because it will prevent me from wanting to eat lunch out when I could buy groceries and make us healthy lunches!

This was my idea, he wanted to combine, but I agree that we have both managed our own money for so long, and the first couple of years are hard enough so we might as well make it easier on ourselves!

Post # 67
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Money is one of the most contentious issues in a relationship. But you need to sort this out. Legally, your finances are merged once you are married. If you don’t have a bit of give and take and at the very least, knowledge about each other’s finances, you can get into all kinds of trouble. It sounds like there is a profound issue with trust her and if he is marrying you, he needs to be open to finding out what will work for you as a couple, not just what he has grown up with. This may be a joint bank account, or one of you managing the finances, or something else – doesn’t matter so long as you are happy. I’d suggest couples counselling to talk about this in a neutral space. Also, gently discuss the wedding vows with him – what is he promising and does he mean it?

Post # 68
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My Fiance and i have a joint account…he suggested that he get on my checkin account …we were both growing tired of our nightly conversations of “how much do you have in your accoun?tjdhfkja how much do you have in your account?” ok lets pay this bill with your account …and you pay that bill with your accoun and this one too…oh wait your debit card isnt registered for that bill i’ll have to use mine convo….lol

life is much easier, but i must say its very hard to not jump his biz about how much he freaking buys junk food etc when i look on our mobile banking app.

but i had an ex who was a very much whats mine is mine and whats yours is yours. he  maid 4times as much as me …i paid half the rent, half the utilities…half of all the dinner bills …he did pay for our weekend trips n our movie tickets n concert tickets …but i made min wage and worked three jobs n he worked one job around 30hrs a week …i was always stressed out because i wasnt able to afford to keep up with his lifestyle n spending habbits n he never offored to have an ours account or anything of the sort….’

my fi has always, from day one made everything ours bills money, fun, everything i lost my job a few months after we got together and he made me move in with him officially n picked up my bills paid my car payments car insurance phone bill etc…n he only makes double what i make and it was rly rly rly hard for him but he did it no questions asked n there hasnt been and financial fights never not once

The topic ‘FI refuses to EVER have a joint bank account’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors