Post # 1
Prior to ring shopping FI and I had a discussion about his ring budget. He immediately shot the discussion down and told me not to worry about the prices and get something I love. I told him it made me more uncomfortable to not have a number in mind to work with and reminded him that I’m a practical person and the cost will stress me out. He once again assured me not to worry about it.
We went to the mall on Tuesday and looked at four different jewelry stores for round halo or round solitare rings and I found nothing I really liked however, this was the first time either one of us had looked at rings and the amazing salespeople educated us on the process a ton. Fast forward to today and we decided to try a local jewelry store instead of the stores at the mall. I told the salesperson I was interested in halo engagement rings and the first one she gave me to try on I fell in love with and unlike the other chain stores it had a band that fit flush with it. The setting alone was $2100 the band around $1100. So then the saleswoman asked us about our budget and I immediately looked at FI and he said whatever she wants. Well I got quiet bc I felt anxious at the topic at all. So FI told her nothing less than a 1 carat to go in the setting. Then he picked the kind of diamond out of the 1 carat’s they had to choose from. The diamond alone ended up being around $4400. So the cost before taxes and additional charges is going to be around $7600. He did ask if he could get a discount for paying cash and they accepted.
After we leave the store I can’t get it off my mind how much money that he is paying for these rings. BTW…I grew up in a single parent home and have always stressed about finances even when I had no reason to. I expressed my feelings to him and that I think we should continue to look at rings (cheaper rings). He said “do you love them” and I said “of couse” and he said “then we’re getting them.” I can’t help but think what all that money could buy and I even thought about when his family gets to see the ring they will think badly of me.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for here bee’s…maybe just reassurance. Or maybe I should tell him I changed my mind and don’t like the rings just so we can look for something cheaper?!?! Have any of you bee’s been in this situation?!?! What did/would you do?!?!
**Forgot to add that we will not be having a wedding and will most likely be eloping. So that is some money we will be saving.
Post # 3
Luckily, I avoided this situation. However, I would have been the same way.
I don’t really have any advice other than to relax and trust him if you do not participate in the finances. I have to participate in the finances in order to avoid this stress, however. If this is the case for you, you may want to open up a broader discussion about financial involvement.
Post # 4
We had a similar situation. FI told me whatever I wanted but knew I would never want a ring over $2K it would be a waste of money for me. I fell head over heels for a ring that was on sale for $1,100 so it was perfect. My dad owns a company and our family has always had money but we didn’t spend it on material things, more experiences like vacations a few times a year so I more value experiences than say a ring. I would forever feel guilty looking at my ring if it cost a lot. I would say keep looking for rings but if none compare and he’s fine with it and you don’t feel guilty then go for it!
Post # 5
@MrsN14: Thanks for the help! Before looking at rings I was thinking max of $3000. I went in not looking at price tags bc FI was with me. I wish I would’ve now!
Post # 6
@MissBlessedOne: I am very similar to you – I always worry about finances even when we are in a comfortable phase income/debt wise etc. Comes from growing up with a frugal mother and my parents not on big incomes etc. I am however ok with spending money on the big ticket items that are important to me – travel, FI etc. I’m not really into rings so didnt have an engagement ring. I don’t really put much value in rings so in my mind I could just not justify the expense. If however you do really like jewellery and would really value the ring then go for it! (if it wouldn’t send FI broke of course. He seems fine with the cost though so I am assuming that would not be the case!) it’s something you will wear for the rest of your life so get what you love, if you can afford it. if you think you would be just as happy with a smaller ring and not have the stress of the cost then do that instead 🙂
Post # 7
@Lollybags: Thank you! I’m not a jewelry person at all. The only jewelry I wear is a set of stud earrings and costume jewelry to go with an outfit. One thing I have thought to justify this big expense is that I will wear the rings for the rest of my life…and I will def be wearing them daily! I have also tried to justify it bc FI has expensive ATV’s that cost ALOT more than a ring and he certainly won’t have them for as long as my ring. I feel bad for even trying to justify it like that.
Post # 8
If you love them let him buy them for you. You are right you will have them for the rest of your life.
Post # 9
whatever your fiance is comfortable with.. u should be too! i was glad at my budget!
Post # 10
If you two, as a couple, can afford the rings, and you love them, then I say keep them. If you’re going to spend more on something it should be something that you will get a lot of use out of. That being said. If you truly don’t want to spend that much on your rings, tell you fiance. To me, your post sounds more like you’re not used to spending money, so it makes you a little uncomfortable, but you really want the rings. In this case, keep the rings. If you just really don’t want to spnd that much because you would rather spend it on somehing else or because you wouldn’t want to be responsible for such expensive jewelry on a daily basis or whatever – tell your guy you aren’t comfortable with it and would prefer a different set.
Post # 11
@JenGirl: Thanks for the advice! FI is working tomorrow and I’m thinking I should go back to the store tomorrow without telling him and see if I can find something I like just as equally, but cheaper. It frustrates me now that we didn’t have a budget so I never would’ve tried that ring on with the expensive diamond in it in the first place.
Post # 12
I was in a similar situation as you. I grew up with one parent working and we were very poor. If it hadn’t been for my gracious grandmother giving us my childhood home, we would have had nowhere to live.
When it came time for me to make a ring I liked (Long story, my husband despised the ring he proposed with), I asked for a budget and he gave me the same as your fiance.
It was difficult for me to rationalize. Why put so much money into a ring when there are other things to put money into?
In the end, I told myself that he loved me and wanted to provide me with nice things because we could afford it. I’m not poor anymore (I’m certianly not rich, either) but we can afford a beautiful set of rings and food.
ETA: My husband asks me nearly every day if I love my rings. I think it gives him a real boost that he was able to give me something that I adore. It works out for the both of you at the end.
Post # 13
it sounds like you have a wonderful FI who loves you very much and wants to make you happy. If you love the rings, and he can afford them without going into debt (which apparently he can, since he is paying cash for them), then I would accept them and be happy and comfortable with them (and him!) for the rest of your life.
Post # 14
@MissBlessedOne: I am sure your FI appreciates your concern and respect for a budget. Considering you seemed to find the perfect ring for you and he paid cash I would say it was well within his affordable means so sit back and enjoy your new beauty. Let him buy this for you, especially as he seems more than comfortable with the purchase.
FWIW my rings cost the amount of a car so please don’t fret, you did very well for pricing and I’m sure got a gorgeous ring. It could be worse! 😉
Post # 15
Thank you ladies so much! You’ve made me feel a lot better about this purchase. I just love my wonderful FI so much and would marry him without a ring! I am truly a blessed woman.
Post # 16
You’ve gotten good advice. If it’s affordable for you as a couple without eating away your savings, I would let him get you what you love. If it will cause hardship, then do not spend it.
But I did want to add, $4400 for 1+ carat diamond is not right, unless it’s poor quality. Since you’re just starting out looking, I don’t want to see you get taken advantage of. If that’s what they’re charging, it’s probably not certified, or maybe EGL certed or even clarity enhanced. Beware of that price. And stick with independent jewelers rather than mall stores–you will get much more for your money typically.