(Closed) FI says were getting married too soon but we've been together for 4 years!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MrsAgainstTheGrain:  *HUGS*  So sorry you’re going through this.  I say stick to you guns about not moving in with him until you have a date set/signed venue contract.  Otherwise, he may drag his feet indefinitely.  If he’s not ready to get married, he needs to tell you that, and you need to either accept it or leave.

Post # 4
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MrsAgainstTheGrain:  I think you’re hitting the nail on the head with this: 

After nearly 4 years he still has reservations? Im on the verge of telling him that if he wants to move the date back a year, Im not confortable moving in with him. I have reason to believe he is just not ready to give up his bachelor ways and maybe is seriously questioning if he really wants to marry me . . . 

I agree with you. You sound like you have a great relationship, you know each other well — what’s the deal? I would not move in with him in July if he wants to move the wedding date back, and in fact I would consider leaving him if he keeps saying it’s “too soon.” You deserve to be with someone who’s sure. Good luck…

Post # 5
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sorry you are going through this. I think four years is plenty of time for him to know if he is ready or not.I agree that you should be cautions about moving in. What are his concerns?

Post # 6
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

How old are you guys?  

Maybe consider his feelings…he doesn’t want to rush into getting married.  He’s proposed, that’s great, now maybe take a step back from planning.  Tell him you’d like to get married in the fall, and why, and ask him when he thinks you should get married.  When my fiance and I got engaged last April, I initially wanted to plan for an October wedding.  I was all about it, and then my fiance was like, “I think we should wait until the spring,” and we talked about why he thought that, and we are getting married June 22.  

Post # 8
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Agreed – how old are you?  It took my guy a full 10+ years to get comfortable with the idea of marriage, because we fell in love SO young and he had all these deep-held convictions about being in a career and financially stable before marriage.  (Even though living together, sharing a life, buying a house, etc were fine before that!)  I think that sentiment is very very common among men.

ETA: Oops I see your answer now.  Well, I guess just try to have a serious conversation about his reluctance or hang-ups about marrying “so soon” ?  Good luck…

Post # 9
2934 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I think you’d be really, really smart to refuse to move in with him until the date is set in writing. I suspect otherwise he’s going to stall and stall. Honestly, it sounds like he either isn’t the marrying type or that some part of him knows you’re not “the one” for him. Which sucks, and I’m sorry to even say it.

Post # 10
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Don’t move in with him! He already is having trouble with dragging his feet. You don’t want to start playing the role of wife before you actually get the commitment. What motivation would he have then?

Be strong. I think it might be Mr. Bee’s Plan time. Don’t leave yet, but definitely make it known that he proposed, and as a result you ARE expecting a marriage to happen soon. That’s what engaged means, and if he didn’t mean it when he gave you the ring, then he’s led you on in the cruelest way.

Post # 12
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It sounds like he’s not ready yet. I agree with PPs that I would not move in together until he is 100% on board with planning a wedding to occur within x months of moving in together. He should be excited by the idea to the point where he says “to heck with the wedding, let’s go to the courthouse tomorrow. I can’t wait to be married to you”, not reluctant about it and asking “why so soon”.

Post # 13
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You may have personal beliefs against this, but maybe living with him for a while will show him there’s nothing to be scared of. Women always say that if you live with a man before marriage and do all the same things then what’s his incentive to marry you? Well, if he loves you and wants to spend his life with you then he will still want to marry you. I have been with my fiance now for over seven years. We moved in together after a year and a half and got engaged after five and a half. We’re getting married this September and I have no fears because I know who he is to the core, and he knows me the same. We’ve waited this long to get married because we were so young when we started dating and just weren’t ready.

If that’s not an option for you then I suppose you’ll figure out what’s best, but those are my thoughts.

Post # 15
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Me and my hubby to be live together and he is just excited as me if not more lol to get married next weekend. But I would be hesitant to move in without a serious discussion of what his reservations are if they are valid then consider moving in if not maybe its times to move on good luck.

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