Post # 16
I don’t think you can really gauge someone’s feelings over the phone so try not to look too much into his “feelings” until you can really speak to him in person. I think that a longggg conversation about the present and the future needs to be had, so you can address whatever you think is going on.
I don’t think that a haircut is really a sign of rebellion. My husband changes his hair all the time and it grows back like a weed. The first time he shaved his head short, I liked it, but I asked him why he pulled a Britney. He shrugged his shoulders and looked at me with a smirk on his face and said he felt like his hair was thinning and he wanted to see where he was at with his hairline. LOL.
Maybe he’s a little lost and stressed out about the future and marriage, or maybe his “family issues” are affecting him harder than you thought.
Either way, a serious conversation to get yourselves back on the same page (or see if you even can get back on the same page) is necessary and long overdue. This should have been addressed before you got engaged.
Post # 17
I would be so mad if my Fiance seperated the laundry and excluded mine. In my opinion, thats more work than just doing it all together. Seems like a passive agressive move on his part..
Post # 18
I second reading Bancroft’s book.
Post # 19
Honestly I didn’t read any of the comments, but last semester I went to school 18 hours a week. On campus not online. I worked in between 15-30 hours a week, and did part time jobs running errands for extra money. And I was still able to make dinner and wash dishes and laundry.
I’m sure just because he was in school he could still find time to wash some dishes and do laundry. But that’s in the past so can’t change that. But I think he needs to step up on helping around the house.
Post # 20
Never ask a man to “help out” with the housework. That gives the impression that he’s helping you do YOUR job. Instead he has to be prepared to do his share. If he refuses he’s going to bring you nothing but misery, guaranteed.
Post # 21
agreed!!! Sounds like something my brother and I would have done to each other when we were fifteen and cranky with each other…
Post # 22
Drop him like a bad habit…find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you. Life is too short to work this hard…
Post # 23
That’s your takeaway from her post?
OP, he sounds very emotionally immature and not ready for marriage.
Post # 24
Fiance and I had a lengthy phone call last night. Apparently the hair thing was not a big deal to him which I assume is bc he is a guy and hair changes aren’t so major to them. He said he could and would grow it out again on short order if I wanted to get pictures. We agreed that if I end up going out for dinner again I should just send a text beforehand to let him know what’s up. There wasn’t much discussion of the household chores other than he said he would like for us to clean together next weekend when he is home before he leaves again. This still requires me to do my own cleaning, but when it is just me here it is my mess so that seems fair,. I will have to see if the chores improve when he is home for longer periods of time. He only travels extensively for about two months of the year and right now happens to be that time. He does want to try to plan the small wedding we were considering, but we both agree we want to be on the same page and speaking the same language again. I don’t think my original post conveyed clearly that we have had a pretty solid relationship for years, but this transition of him ending school and traveling more solidly for work has been a tough point because we haven’t had as much time to talk. There is definitely work to be done between us before moving forward on wedding plans. He did conduct himself maturely and does seem to want to be more of a team. I really at this point have to wait and see if it gets better.
And for the posters who think he wasn’t pulling his weight while in school I want to clarify that I was happy to handle the extra chores to help him but didnt want them to be assumed my responsibility afterward….he was an electrical engineering major, working full time (45-50 hrs a week), with a 3 hour a day commute for work (my commute with a a 45-50 work week is 2-2.5 hours per day), and he maintained a 4.0 in a high level mathematical and computer programming major. He isn’t a lazy, immature person, that’s why his recent behavior has been confusing to me. I realize I maybe didn’t make that clear, my concern isn’t the type of man he was all the while we dated and got engaged, it was the change in behavior the past few months, that said I do have to be sure this is a temporary change, that he has just been going through some adjustments and will be back on track and that our lines of communication are not permanently crossed.
I do thank everyone for the advice and for showing that I’m not crazy for being irate over the laundry!