(Closed) FI: "Sometimes you are so stupid sometimes…."

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

i do ‘stupid’ stuff like that and i am far from stupid haha. my bf laughs at stuff like that. i could see if you’re Fiance was in a bad mood, people say things they don’t mean. i wouldn’t take it to heart though you have every right to think that wasn’t cool! i wouldn’t crucify him over one comment but if it’s a pattern i’d have to tell him to cool it.

Post # 18
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My Fiance give me compliment ” you are so intelligent” then he will ask me to do something and give me details and instructions like I have no clue. I want to say SHUT THE F*CK UP!  I have maintained a household and maintained a career for over 30 years. In stead I just say I okay dear no problem. Sometime I say am I doing it or are you doing it? If I am doing it then let me.

Post # 19
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

When my husband or I does something stupid, we’re not afraid to point it out. Everybody does stuff like that sometimes and it’s not a big deal.” @VAwife:  

Yes! I thought most people were like this. In my case, we’re always pretty honest with each other anyway, and when one of us does something stupid it generally turns into a joke. We both know that we’re both intelligent people, so there is no need to take offense.

To the OP: I think you’re right, you know he didn’t actually mean it, and he’ll apologise for his snarkiness later I’m sure. It sucks that he’s taking his hard time out on you. I would be honest with him about it so you’re both on the same page (now that the tenseness of the situation has gone, and there is less risk of him storming off/crying). It sounds like you both know that this is not how he normally acts, I’m sure you can both figure out a way to handle the stress without anyone taking it out on the other.

Post # 20
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Nope, I say what’s on my mind. Unfortunately, I tend to be blunt at times.

Post # 21
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Beautiful Bluegrass:  Ours, too. We would have some serious problems, possibly a physical altercation.

Post # 22
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If my guy said that to me, I’d probably respond with a “And sometimes you need to not say sometimes twice in one sentence. Or shut the fuck up. Your call.”

Post # 23
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If one of us did an action that was “stupid”, we say, “That was silly!” But we’ve NEVER called each other stupid. EVER. Omg, I can’t deal with people that call me stupid.

Just. Can’t. Deal.

0____0

Post # 24
Member
4028 posts
Honey bee

Wow some posters act like they have never called their SO a name or vis-a-versa. While I would never encourage it, my guess is that we have all shared hurtful words at times in some form at some time in our relationship. Besides, it does not appear that OP was stating it was abusive or deeply disparaging.

Anyway OP, I understand where you are coming from. My Fiance will sometimes says, “Don’t be stupid” when I ask him 101 hypothetical situations that do not make sense. Like, “what if I was being held hostage and you had to chose between me and our dog?” or “what would you do if x, y, and z happended.” These are often after we have watched a movie or show where something strange happens.

In all reality, my questions are stupid and pointless. Yes, he says, “don’t be stupid,” but I know he is not calling me stupid directly and I usually just laugh at him and then harass him until he makes a decision.

Pointless, yes, but very amusing.

Post # 25
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I call my fiancé an ass lol. Mind you we say ass and butt a lot. 

Depends on what context he called you stupid, if he’s jokingly saying it its different. 

Post # 27
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@bmo88:  I think the way the title and the OP was presented kind of made the phrase seem harsher than perhaps it was?

But of course, I think people play around with names as couples, but the phrase “You’re stupid” is pretty harsh, no matter how you slice it.

Post # 28
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would call him stupid for being redundant and saying “sometimes” twice.   

No, I wouldn’t really call anyone I cared about stupid because: 1. If I really thought they were stupid I wouldn’t be with them, and 2. It’s incredibly disrespectful.  I understand that namecalling is a “game you play,” but it’s not something that I can get behind.  To each their own. 

Post # 29
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yes, Fiance is studying for an exam on tuesday (cant effing wait) and he gets in a terrible jerk mood as it gets closer, its just the stress. He knows he is a jerk though, but cant help it same as when im a bitch when im on my period, I know i am and i feel bad but i just cant help it

Post # 30
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@VAwife:  

+1

I am probably in the minority here (or the minority that admits it) but FH and I have called each other names before, both jokingly and during an argument and I just don’t see it as a huge deal. Neither of us really feel that way and it doesn’t hurt my feelings. If he called me something REALLY obscene, that would be different. If he calls me ‘stupid’? I do not care a bit. I know i’m smart and I know he knows it too, so it’s like water off a duck’s back to me. It’s pretty rare that we call each other names in an argument, but when it happens I just don’t see it as being a huge deal.

OP, i’ve done things like that before. I’ve been looking for my phone, while it was in my hand and then went to call myself off my own phone so I could find it. Now THAT really IS stupid.

Post # 31
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I was listening to the new Pink album and told my OH that the song ‘true love’ was about us:

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say. Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face.  There’s no one quite like you.  You push all my buttons down I know life would suck without youAt the same time, I wanna hug you I wanna wrap my hands around your neck.  You’re an asshole but I love you

 

I think it’s normal to sometimes be pissy and say things you shouldn’t to each other. I think you were right to not say anything in the moment, but when he’s calmed down have a calm, rational conversation about how you were upset when he called you stupid and you don’t think it’s an acceptable thing to say to you.

And nah I’ll say anything that pops into my head to him 😀 poor boy. I don’t think I’ve ever been really mean!

 

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