(Closed) FI: "Sometimes you are so stupid sometimes…."

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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@Pokemon  +1 were like that too.

We both take our anger out on eachother sometimes but after we cool down we always apologize. 

Post # 33
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well shit, my Fiance and I must be abusive to each other then…we call each other “stupid” all the time for little things…but we both know the other is quite intelligent…he’s got incredible street smarts and I have both street and book smarts…I do always make a joke about how I’m a soon-to-be college graduate and he never went, but then he throws it back in my face by saying things like, “yea, well, at least I know what a carborator is used for”…like I said, he’s smart about things that he needs to be smart about like finances and cars and work, so when we call each other “stupid”, we know that the other is just in a bad mood and doesn’t ever actually mean it…we make it a point to always praise the other about other things…

I think some people need to take a chill pill about the “stupid” thing though…just chillax! It sounds to me like it was all in good fun and the OP knew that he was just being a d*ckhole 🙂 Which is also a name my Fiance is all too familiar with! 😉

Post # 34
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@Lovemelovemyhorses  Haha! That cell phone thing made me chuckle because I’ve done that on SEVERAL occasions WHILE talking to a friend on the phone!! LOL Sometimes we just need to look in the mirror and say, “Yea, that WAS really stupid of you.” 😉

Post # 35
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Doing something stupid is different than calling the person stupid 

thats not cool 

Post # 36
Member
2353 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think people calling names in a fight is necessarily indicative of a problem in the relationship, if that’s how they’re okay communicating. But if it’s hurtful and you want it to stop, you have to insist, both when you’re angry and when you’re calm, that it is NOT okay with you. Otherwise, it’ll just keep happening. 

I’m not okay with it – I was once in an abusive relationship and I do not deal well with angry conflict at all, but need the separate-corners-until-we’re-calm-enough-to-talk kind of resolution instead – so DH and I just don’t talk to each other that way. I have no doubt that things I do seem stupid to him, but he would never say that. 

Post # 37
Member
2910 posts
Sugar bee

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@brandybelle  If I called DH or DS stupid every time they “looked” for something and didn’t see it, we’d have the crummiest relationships ever. Sure, it can be annoying, but it’s not stupid.

Post # 39
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

yeah we joke around a lot name calling but usually thats that.

But I’m also pretty blunt so I don’t hold back a lot of stuff so I’d just say whatever pops in my head at the time. I’m not really all that sensitive to what he says though I usually just ignore it or send it back his way (if he gives me attitude) Thats why I don’t think he would really say anything super rude because I’m not scared to tell him to piss off.

Lol a couple of days ago I was playing an xbox kinect game and I had to get on my knees for the thing to register me properly. So he proudly exclaims “Yeah on your knees, just where you belong” or something equally dumb like that I proceeded to give him an “eat shit” look and he lost it, laughed and told me he loved me. Sometimes those little insults can be fun.

Post # 40
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

I think as long as it’s not in an emotionally abusive way and he apologizes, then it can be forgiven. I know my husband has called me a bitch before, but I was being a bitch and he apologized and said he was just frustrated. We’re usually really good about not name-calling.

Post # 41
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

If my SO called me stupid under any circumstances, there would be hell to pay. No woman should ever put up with being put down by a man. EVER. The especially insidious version is when it relates to small things or when he’s “joking”. It’s just not a nice thing to do, ever, ever, ever.

On the same hand, I would never call my SO stupid, either. Once you cross into insulting each other, you may as well hang it up as far as I’m concerned.

Post # 42
Member
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

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@RedAngelDreamer  100% agreed!!

Post # 43
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

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@RedAngelDreamer  

Sorry, but I find that ridiculous. My FH and I have been together for nearly 5 years. If name calling is a huge deal to you, fine, but your comment kind of came across as judgy, not everyone has the same ideals and I actually like the fact that FH and I can laugh at ourselves when we do something dumb. According to your comment, us jokingly name calling means we should split up, REALLY? I don’t take myself so seriously that I can’t laugh at myself and neither does he. Likewise, in the heat of the moment we DO call each other names sometimes. I don’t think it’s a huge deal. If other people do, then that’s fine, don’t be in a relationship like that, but on the same hand don’t tell people who don’t mind a bit of name calling to throw in the towel. How does that saying go? Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me..

I think some people are very sensitive to words (which is fine) but I am by no means one of them.

Post # 44
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@RedAngelDreamer  +1

I actually totally agree with you. But I suppose its just the boundaries that each couple has set for themselves for whatever reason. For me, name calling, even in jest, can become habitual and hurtful. Once said, they’re extremely hard to undo. They can erode respect in a relationship. That’s why DH and I just don’t do it, not jokingly or angrily. Ever.

Post # 45
Member
899 posts
Busy bee

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@Lovemelovemyhorses  Exactly! In our relationship, it’s just not an option. It’s a boundary of respect we’ve set and I’m very comfortable with it. If either of us crossed that boundary, it would be a HUGE issue to resolve. Neither of us is perfect. I’m sure it will happen at some point. It just won’t be swept under the rug as “no big deal”. 

 

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@Lovemelovemyhorses  I find the word “judgy” ridiculous, so I guess we’re even ;). If you choose to think it’s judgemental of me to think the way I do, I don’t understand why. I’m not a member of your relationship. If it’s not a big deal to insult and be insulted in your relationship and that works for you, why do you care what I think?  

It’s my opinion that once something is said it’s out there and you can’t take it back. It’s a memory and will always be there. That’s very serious to me. You can say you’re sorry until you’re blue in the face, but it’s still there.

Post # 46
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I find it very unbelievable that the people commenting that calling someone stupid after they have done something that is silly is insulting and that they as well ‘hang up’ their relationship, have perfect loving relationships every minute of everyday.

Theres a BIG difference in saying to my Fiance ‘you are so stupid sometimes’ after he looked for an item that as right in front of him, then saying ‘you are a pathetic loser that will never amount to anything in life, so you may as well go die’

I think everyone is taking this way too far!

Yes, Fiance and I have called each other stupid, dumb, and many other words that doesnt mean we are okay with insulting each other either. It means that we can and do fight and bring up each others faults. Which isnt a problem, we are honest with eachother, we know we love each other (and that includes faults) so no need to pretend that we are perfect.

 

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