(Closed) FI support with fights/disagreements/controversial subjects

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Nope. If he has an opinion I don’t agree with, I’ll say something. We talk about it. I’m not really one to keep it to myself if I’m passionate, and he loves that about me:)

Post # 4
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

One thing I really like about FH is that we agree on a good number of “controversial” things.

Another thing is that we are willing to have intellegent discussians about issues. If it’s a interpersonal issue than he will back me up but if it’s political we will have an intellegent debate, even if it means letting one of us just rant for a little while to get off our chest.

With family- neither family really gets into political debates, mostly because both sides are stubborn and everyone knows it. So we try and avoid arguements like the plague.

Post # 5
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

No, I stand by my own opinions, I would expect my husband to do the same. Of course I want him in my corner, but his opinions are his own and he has told me many a time that he doesn’t agree with me. I’ve done the same.

Post # 7
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@KristenGotMarried: Ahh, I see. That would bother me, too if it was just that he seemed uncomfortable with my voicing my opinion!

That makes sense. SO and I agree on most issues, but unless it was a personal issue I don’t think he’d back me unless he 100% agreed. But I can see what you mean now:)

Post # 8
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I mean, if you agree on a topic it’s fine to be in each other’s corners, but what I’m trying to say is, my husband doesn’t get involved like that either. He wouldn’t say anything, he knows my opinions are what they are and unless I tell him “Hey, back me up here” he’s content to sit back with some pie and watch. He is opinionated but very passive when it comes to family because 9 times out of 10 he doesn’t want to deal with the potential headache, whereas I couldn’t care less about the aftermath.

Post # 10
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

If Darling Husband says the sky is green when it’s actually blue, I will stand behind him and agree that the sky is green as long as there are other people there, and once we’re in private, I’ll tell him he was wrong.  But as long as we are in front of other people, we’ll present a united front. 

That said, I would be very uncomfortable if things became heated between Darling Husband and a member of his family in front of me during a family get together on Easter. Some things are worth fighting about and debating, but there are times when it is appropriate to debate and other times when it isn’t… and I think Easter, one of the most Holy times of the year, well… 

 

Post # 11
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Fiance and I disagree on plenty of things, and we’re not afraid to argue, IN PRIVATE.  In public, however, I’ve made it really clear that I think we should remain united on major issues, and that I don’t want other people to see us fighting or being unsupportive.  Now I’m not talking about disagreeing on an issue – we’ve had playful debates with friends and it’s no big deal.  But for him to choose someone else over me, act embarrassed by me, or in any other way devalue our relationship in front of other people – well I have a major problem with that. 

Obviously we just don’t pick on each other or bring up issues we disagree about when we’re out in public.  I hate being with friends and having them complain about their SOs or belittle them in front of me, so I’d never do that to Fiance, and I know he feels the same way.  Maybe it’s silly, but I think it comes back to privacy and sanctity of the relationship to not take someone else’s side against each other.

Post # 12
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If it’s a situation where it would be one of my family members going against my guy on an issue, or anyone going against him, I would defend him. Even if I don’t agree with him, in public, I will defend him. This is because if someone was arguing with me about an issue, and my guy was like, “You know, so-and-so is right and I think you’re wrong because of this and this” I would feel embarassed and feel like he wasn’t on my side. I would want him to defend me in public, so I would do the same for him.

Now, when we’re alone, I’ll let my opinions be known, I have no problem letting him know I disagree.

Post # 13
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

I’d say he was being respectful to your family by keeping quiet. Even if he didn’t agree with the opposing side, he showed respect by not discussing politics, always a wise thing to do , especially after 5 glasses of wine lmao ;)~ 

Post # 14
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

I think the part that would bother me would have to be the sulking away like they’re ashamed…

Post # 15
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is it possible that because this was a disagreement between you and a family member, he didn’t feel it was his place to get involved because techncially he’s not family yet?  It might be that he was staying out of a “family” disagreement…but he might still totally back you up if the person you were disagreeing with wasn’t family.

FWIW, I totally get what you mean about your dad always defending your mother, whether or not he agrees with you.  My husband is exactly the same way with me and it is one of the things I love most about him.

Post # 16
Member
427 posts
Helper bee

I have a similar situation that seems to happen more than once a week. My Fiance and my older sister always argue about the stupidest things. My sister never keeps her mouth shut and neither does my Fiance. They will agree on a lot of things, but if something comes up that they don’t agree on, they both act like babies and it drives me nuts. Of course I love them both, but I usually just pretend like I don’t hear them most of the time. If it is a subject that I am passionate about as well, I will chime in whenever I feel like it. But mostly, I just let them go at it because I personally don’t like fighting with either of them…let alone both of them at once! It may not be quite the same as your situation, but at least I can see somewhat how your Fiance feels 😉

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