Post # 1
Hi bees! I have a dilemma I’m hoping you can help with.
For several years now, my fiance has been planning to take a big overseas trip to celebrate a milestone he’ll be reaching next year. I’ve known about this plan for a while, but I thought from some things he said right after he proposed that he’d be putting it off until 2018 or combining it with our honeymoon. Well, we just set our wedding date for June 2017, and he just mentioned that not only is he still planning on taking the trip, but that he wants it to be in April 2017.
I totally respect that he wants to do this, but I’m SUPER worried about him being gone for 2 weeks, only 2 months before our wedding. He says it has to be April because of his work schedule and the exact timing of what he’s celebrating, which makes sense to me, but I wish he would just find another way. He’s been really involved with planning so far, and he’s convinced he can just make sure he does his share before/after he goes, but won’t this be the exact timing of when the invitations should be going out? Aren’t there going to be things that have to happen then that I’ll end up stuck with while he’s off vacationing? I suggested he at least cut it back to 1 week instead of 2, but he doesn’t want to spend the money on plane tickets and only get a few days there. I had concerns about him spending a bunch of money on that when we’re saving up for the wedding, but it turns out he set aside a chunk of money for this years ago, so there goes that objection!
Help me out here… am I right to be worried about wedding tasks coming up 2 months out, or am I overreacting? I admit I’m a little bummed that I won’t be able to go with him (he wants me to go, but I don’t have as much vacation time as he does), but I understand his perspective and I want to be supportive, I just don’t want to get stuck holding the bag on more than my share of planning and DIY stuff. What were you busiest with 2 months before your wedding, and how much of it could have been done in advance and how much had to happen right then?
Post # 2
Will you be able to be in contact with him
during the trip if you have things you need his opinion on? Or will he be totally off the grid?
Post # 3
You’re worried about a trip happening next April? You have PLENTY of time in advance to get as many wedding related/DIY things completed before he goes. He was also thoughtful enough to have the financial aspect of the trip already handled. I would be bummed I couldn’t join, but I think you are getting worked up over nothing here..
Post # 4
earlgrey: I could ask my husband if he ever went a two-week period without helping plan our wedding but I think he might actually laugh himself to death.
You will not have any significant time-sensitive needs at that time. You can have your invites addressed and ready to go before he leaves. If you’re so concerned about equality you can always keep track of the time you spend working on things while he’s gone and let him make up for it with thank-you cards, but I suspect your real problem is that he’s going without you. Totally understandable to be bummed but I’d let it go.
Post # 5
I would just get all the invites ready and addressed before he goes. He has given you plenty of notice! If it is important to him, I would let it go. I would use the 2 weeks to do things like you hair and make up trial runs and have some fun girl time with your friends.
Post # 6
k8goeslz: Mostly off the grid.
cc5598: I’m just worried about things that can’t be done in advance… I’ve never planned a wedding before, but I know with most big projects, there are things that start coming up that have to be dealt with at specific times. I’m not worked up so much as wondering if he’s being overly optimistic about how much we’ll have to do and how flexible the timing will be. Plus we both work really long hours at stressful jobs, but he has a much easier time taking phone calls during business hours, etc.. I’d really like for him to be able to go, so I’m hoping everyone chimes in saying there’s nothing that’s likely to come up in that timeframe that can’t be anticipated and/or postponed!
Post # 7
What do you think could possibly be so serious that you must have his input on, or the wedding will fall apart? Tri tip vs new york strip?
Your big decisions will be made long before next April. If you are too scared to make decisions yourself, make them in the next 10 minths while he is still here.
Post # 8
jennmariee: jcent: +1 to stuffing and addressing envelopes for you invites before he leaves. You can have them ready to go, stamps and all, in a box so when the time comes you just have to drop them off at the post office. Honestly, I think that’s a great idea for ALL bees! It really cuts down on the pre-wedding stress to have things done in advance 🙂
The only other things I can think of coming up about 2 months out is hair/makeup trials. Luckily, you don’t need him for that. Plus you could have a dress fitting or bridal shower around that time – which are also things you don’t need him for. I agree with PP. Use those two weeks to have some fun with your bridal party. Maybe your girls can plan your bridal shower for that time and you will get to spend some quality time with your loved ones to take your mind off of the fact that your Fiance is on an adventure of his own.
Post # 9
julies1949: I’m not talking about decisions like that, I’m well aware those will be long decided. And I have no problem deciding things on my own, though I think since this is a joint venture it’s important for both of us to weigh in on anything major. I’m mostly asking what people were busy with 2 months out.
Post # 10
earlgrey: I think you’re borrowing trouble. I arranged my wedding within 6 months and didn’t have much of a struggle (though granted it was quite casual). I think all major issues will have been addressed by then, you can have the invitations written up and ready to go. Honestly it would be very good for you to take two weeks off yourself. Consider it a vacation from planning. When his trip is over, you can address anything you are worrying about – I bet the list will be quite small.
Post # 11
For the record… he’s done plenty of solo travel that I was totally fine with, I’m just wondering about this particular situation. I mentioned being a little bummed because just like his desire to go on the trip might be making him overly optimistic, I know my wishing I could go with him on this particular adventure might be making me overly pessimistic. Also, we’re gay and I’m a man, so no hair and makeup trials or “girl time” for anyone!
But I’m relieved by some of these responses… I know all our friends who’ve gotten married recently were really, really stressed out at the 2 month mark, but it sounds like people think that can be mitigated with advance planning.
Post # 12
I was busy with nothing two months before the wedding. Certainly, nothing that couldn’t be put off for two weeks if it needed to be. Most of the detail confirming meetings and emails happened 6 weeks out, so right when he’d be returning anyway. But it’s not as though those emails couldnt have been answered a few days later.
Post # 13
Two months out I was stuffing invites and making sure no vendor was sneaking additional rental charges. Honestly there isn’t much to do until the final month. My Darling Husband traveled all the time. Align on what decisions need his major input, get those done before or after, and everything else you take care of. You can do this
Post # 14
My FH has been traveling a ton and honeslty, some of the away time has been really nice. Wedding planing is stressful and the away time has made us appreciate each other much more. He was gone for two weeks right about 2 months before our date and I mostly took a break from planning which was great. I did work on a few surprise projects, which was also really nice.
If you plan on sending out invites while he is gone, you can have him help you address the envelopes before he leaves. You have plenty of notice and I wouldn’t be worried about this aspect of his trip.
Post # 15
At two months out my invites were ready to go out and I had nothing to do other than to twiddle my thumbs until I could send them out and start getting responses. Have him help stuff invites before you leave, I see no issue with the timing.