(Closed) FI talking to another girl

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I really don’t believe his excuse at all, that just sounds ridiculous.  I don’t even know what advice to offer, my heart goes out to you. Having a child with someone makes it scary and hard but you really never should be treated like that. This man is supposed to love you. He sounds extremely immature either way.

For me personally, this would most likely be a deal breaker, or very close to it.

Post # 18
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Trust your gut feeling! I dont think he’s telling you the truth but he must be stupid to keep the message on his fb when he knows you have his password.

Post # 19
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

Yeah his excuse may be the worst lie I’ve ever heard.  It’s on my par with my ex’s world famous  “I cyber sexed this girl and left it open on my browser just to test if you were snooping on my computer” excuse.

Post # 20
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry, but I also think he is flat out lying to save his butt. I would be livid!

Post # 21
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

What he did was totally inappropriate, and I’d be very worried about him.  If he’s publicly flirting with this chick on Facebook, where anyone, including you can see, how could he behave where he can’t get caught?  His “I was trying to push your buttons” excuse is utter BS, and he’s trying to cover his ass.  I don’t know what you should do, but you should have a conversation with him about how this is a serious lack of respect and breach of trust.

 

My friend was with a guy who did stuff like this.  He’d always have an eye out for what he considered something better.  He’d flirt with girls via Facebook and texting, and on the rare occasion a girl was willing, he’d dump my friend to hook up with the new chick.  Finally after too many years of it, she dumped him and is with a guy who loves and respects her.

Post # 22
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had this same situation years ago it wasn’t a fiance but a boyfriend. I checked his email just out of curiosity one day (I had a feeling) and sure enough he had been emailing a girl and flirting. I confronted him and he claimed it was a joke and he thought it was me and my friend trying to trick him and I let it go. Come to find out it was a girl at his office and he ahd met here there and began emailing her. Trust your gut. 

Post # 23
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

That sounds like bs, I don’t think he thought it was you. He lyingIMO

Post # 24
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Yeah that smells rotten as last week’s roadkill. 

He’s lying. 

Post # 25
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

The only part of my that wonders if he really IS telling the truth is the part where you say that he liked every one of her photos. 

FB etiquette is that you normally like only one or two of the best photos and then just enjoy the rest. In my mind only two types of people like every photo:

1) Parents/relatives who don’t quite “get” Facebook

2) Creepy people

I’m assuming that your Fiance isn’t creepy otherwise you wouldn’t be with him. Therefore, if he liked all of her photos then that to me says that he is in fact doing it to push your buttons. (Not saying that that is ok)

And if he did think that if was one of your friends trying to set him up then he was probably hurt that you would do something like that (which you weren’t) and wanted to “fight back” and prove a point. Now obviously this is very immature but at least it isn’t what you think it is. 

Given that you have access to his FB and he’s never done this before I am inclined to believe him. It’s odd, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

Post # 26
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@Sugarpug2012:  It’s not email or facebook that caused this trouble, it’s an A-hole guy! He’d be a D-bag either way, facebook just made it more obvious. 

OP, to me it sounds like he’s lying, but as PPs have pointed out, even if he wasn’t, it’s a really nasty thing to do. I’m so sorry this happened to you. 

Post # 27
Member
2977 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

There are plenty of MEN out there who wouldn’t be pulling this stupid, immature behavior on someone who considers them their Fiance and mother of their child.

Personally, I’d be finding that man. But that’s easy to say since I’m not in your shoes. The question is, are you able to be happy forever with someone who plays these games?

Post # 28
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

If it had been a joke, he should have been the one to come to you not vice versa. Has he changed his password since then? 

Post # 29
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

His excuse is ridiculous, but at the same time I’m having a hard time believing he could be that stupid.

Post # 30
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Your instincts will help you, they are never wrong with this kind of thing. What do it tell you? Don’t put that aside, because they are more accurate than you think.

Post # 31
Member
17 posts
Newbee

ohhhh facebook……. *ugh*

first, im sorry you found him doing this or “pretending” to do this… nonetheless its not ok…. I dont know how he is, but it looks like he got caught being a man, and he doesnt want to piss you off….

heres my take on it…. if this girl is just a model or someone across the world that he doesnt even know, dont let your heart break over it… men are like dogs….. hes sees a plate on the kitchen table with a tbone steak and he doesnt want to eat it, he just wants to smell it becuase he knows hell get in trouble if he ate his owners steak….. Now, i dont think its ok or should be dismissed, but i dont think its a serious threat….

 

now, if he knows this girl, or she lives in your area… thats a whole nother can of worms… Either way i would be upset, and sit down with him agian, and really talk…. take your little one to your moms and have an adult one on one with him…. ask him to be 100% honest with you, and try not to get angry. try to just listen….. maybe there is somethin he needs to say or confess or watever….

 

in the end, you guys need to collectivly decide what to do with FB… some relationships can have some cant…. for instance, my SO used to fight with me all the time over my fb…. I used to run a nightclub and knew alot of men… and well, i would get compliments and what not on my pics (nothin inappropriate) he would still get T’d off over another man commenting my pics…. i decided,”eh fb is nothing seriuos, ill just delete it” no problems since then… he has a fb, and it doesnt bother me…. 

hope it goes well. and i hope this helps a little….. keep us updated….

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