(Closed) FI telling family member wedding plans that are sketchy, NOT written in stone

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think he meant any harm.  His sister is probably already aware of the sex offender thing.  Tell him not to say anything until the plans are set in stone.  You don’t see to many female sex offenders.

Post # 4
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Your FI’s mother is a registered sex offender? oh boy, that’s rough.  I don’t think she can legally be around children 

Post # 5
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

My husband was the exact opposite, that he didn’t share details so it seems like there is no plan in place. It drives me nuts. It seems like you have a pretty good relationship with your SIL so I would just let her know what you are thinking.

OT:Did she end up already knowing the truth about your FMIL?

ETA:I think posters might want to read OP’s previous posts about the sex offender situation, it makes this post easier to understand.

Post # 6
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Since she’s a registered offender, if there are children at the wedding, is she even legally allowed to be there?

Post # 7
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

First of all hugs because this must be a very traumatic and emotional time. Second – it would be easier to explain “no children” than no “FMIL” at the wedding so I would tend to go that route BUT if you do have any children coming please make sure you let their parents know that there is a registered offender (you do not have to tell them who it is) just that it is family and that they are bringing children into a situation that will have risk and if they bring them they need to be prepared to keep an eye on them at all times.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this

Post # 8
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m so sorry.I did not go through this, but did know someone close to me who did…

Yes, I feel that you should say no children. I would say that you align yourself to the story that it is for the enjoyment of the adults. If they continue to ask questions, such as in the case of your dear SIL, then unfortunately, I would hope that you do tell your guests that have children that there is a strict no children rule, and that it is for their safety as a registered sex offender is nearby, and that legally that is why you are obligated to not allow children. We did not say it was a guest, we just explained that it was “someone” nearby who had access to the event and that was enough for parents to keep their kids home.

Post # 9
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

Not to make light of the situation but I didn’t even realize that females could be registered sex offenders (stupid assumption on my part). 

I wouldn’t invite kids personally and explain it to people you feel close enough to share it with.

Post # 10
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think its considerate of you 1. On behalf of the children and their safety and 2. On behalf of your fmil’s legal issues. I mean its for her own good legally… why don’t you explain it like that.

Post # 11
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You don’t have to tell us, but does it depends on the type of sex offender? I think you can be registered as an offender when it doesn’t have to do with kids. 

Just tell FH not to tell any details of the wedding, until you can think of a sensitive and appropriate way to do it. It would be hard to tell people why they can’t bring kids and then all they can think about is your FMIL’s history (lots of gossip and whispers) instead of the focus being on you.

Post # 15
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

My suggestion is NO children invited. I realize that will be a challenge for family members with children, but that seems the best way, safest way all around.

The topic ‘FI telling family member wedding plans that are sketchy, NOT written in stone’ is closed to new replies.

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