(Closed) FI thinks he is going to Germany,,,HELP!

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

They’re immediate family. I would let him go…family is important..if his mom decides to give him money to go t hats her choice for that purpose. You can’t dictate how that money will be spent.


Post # 4
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I assume you are both adults, given the fact that you’re getting married.  Therefore, it is his decision whether he goes to Germany or not.

You can, however, express your concerns about money.  That’s all I would say, though…”Honey, I think it’s fine if you want to go to Germany, but it will be very expensive.  Are you sure you can afford it?”

Make sure you don’t say it in a whiny voice.

Post # 7
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Have you thoroughly examined your budget and his vacation time to see if it is possible? She is his step-sister, and I’m sure he would really appreciate it if you could work with him to find a way to make it work. But he will also need to be willing to accept it if things just can’t work out, either financially or work-wise. Maybe you guys could sit down and crunch the numbers together to see what could work?

Post # 9
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This would bother me too, my husband wanted to go to Hong Kong while I was planning. I told him he had to give me X money for the wedding each week and whatever he saved on top could be for HK…. HK never happened.

He probably just wants to see his family (not just the stepsister) and have a holiday . Will the S.Sister & all his family be attending your wedding in 2014? Maybe he feels that if he doesn’t go to hers, the family won’t come to your wedding? Could you both go to Germany as a honeymoon instead? Or both go to Germany for the wedding & nix a honeymoon. Have a pre-wedding-moon

Post # 10
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@awolfpaw:  Whose wedding was in November, it looks like it said your FI’s wedding was in last November was that a typo?

Anyway I’d talk about this and budget.  I told my guy I wanted to go to Puerto Rico to show him where I grew up as a kid but he coudn’t take that time, wedding time and possibly having to go to Hawaii too.

If you sit down and budget he might see that you can’t afford a wedding and Germany, it looks like your wedding is not for a while anyway (2014).  Maybe you guys can make both happen and push back the wedding if its that important to him.  

Also does he have a passport yet?  Those are expensive.  How is he going to get around in Germany?  Will he have to stay in hotel?  How many days?  Make sure that he gets the full impact of how much this is really going to cost him in money and vaca days to see if its worth it.

Maybe also he’s always wanted to go to Germany?  I have and if this came up I would find a way to make it happen.  Just sit down and talk about it all.  Try to comprimise.

Post # 11
10363 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Is signing up for a mileage reward card an option? If you search, AAdvantage has some 50,000 mile signing bonus deals right now. I think you have to spend $3,000 or so in the first 6 months? But with wedding stuff, food gas, etc that’s not that hard.

It’s how we flew to Asia 1st class on our honeymoon! Maybe he could go to his step sister’s wedding for free?

Post # 12
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@crayfish:  great idea- we’re going to New Zealand for our belated honeymoon via miles- tickets were only $100 in fees.

So OP, if you get the right airline credit cards, you BOTH can go to Germany!!

Post # 14
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@awolfpaw:  They weren’t suggesting getting a credit card to pay for the trip itself. What has been suggested is getting a high airmiles earning credit card, and using it for daily and wedding purchases. If you do this, and pay the credit card off on time every month (I would suggest pre loading it with the amount of money you intend to spend, if you can do that in the US) , then you pay no interest, and every purchase you make accumulates airmiles.

At the moment some credit cards have crazy bonuses, where if you sign up, you get a large number of airmiles. With a number of airlines, 50000 is enough to fly to Germany return. So, in the case of the credit card mentioned above, if you were able to spend $3000 on wedding related things over the next 6 months (and pay back each month), then the trip for Germany will be free, bar taxes.

Post # 15
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Maybe he just wants to go on a trip and spend some time with his family and this wedding is an excuse. I dont think focusing on who went to what and why is really that important. If he wants to go then he wants to go.

It’s one thing if this trip is going to seriously break the bank and another if you just think it isn’t the smartest decision ever. My Fiance is going to Europe (France, Netherlands, Spain, Italy) for like 10 days next week with a friend of his because I dont have the time off. Am I thrilled about the money being spent? Of course not. Would I ever tell him not to go because I want to spend that money on the wedding? No chance in hell. Maybe you can sacrifice one of your trips back home and just get your meetings with vendors in on one trip. Most planning is done via email/online anyway.

Also, putting some debt on a credit card that you regularly pay on time is actually GOOD for your credit. I’m not suggesting you go into debt at all but don’t be terrified of a credit bill because you think it’s going to mess up your credit.

Post # 16
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I see what you are saying about the cost of a trip vs the cost of your wedding. Maybe get him to budget out what the cost of the trip will be, in total and then suggest other ways to make the “extra” money. you can contibute to the fund also. Im sure once he looks at the entire cost he will realize that it could pay for a chunk of your wedding. But maybe also help him see what items on your budget list could be paid for instead of a trip. If he really wants to go though, you don’t want to have that as a hot spot in your relationship, in the long run you’ll still be getting married and you will have a beautiful wedding even if you spend money else where.

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