(Closed) FI thinks registering is rude

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 16
Member
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

So don’t register for things.  I didn’t.  We put the word out, through the mothers, that we wanted GC to get the house painted.  The wedding we just got checks and bought the things we needed.  It’s his wedding too, if it makes him uncomfortable you should take that into consideration. 

Post # 17
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
Zhabeego:   Which is precisely what I meant.  The bridal couple register, then the guests ask the bride’s mother (or other person who would know – Maid/Matron of Honor for example) if said guests wish to know about a registry.   A very common practice.  Not for everyone, but common.  

Post # 18
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think it’s rude not to have a registry!  I want to be able to pick a gift easily, not have to go searching for ages.  You also often get a better price on a registry than anywhere else.  If you don’t register, you are going to have hundreds of questions of people asking you what you want, and then you will awkwardly have to answer.  I think that’s a far worse situation.

Post # 19
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m not sure where everyone who commented on here is from, but I’ve never been invited to a wedding that didn’t have a registry. I thought that it was only rude to actually put the registry info ON the invitation.  We put ours on an insert.  I never considered a registry rude.  I actually thought it was a necessity.  I’m really happy we registered because we’ve been getting a steady flow of gifts ever since we sent out save the dates (we put our website on the stds which had a link to the registry, we didn’t put our registries on the stds.)  I’m happy we won’t have to deal with lugging our gifts home after the wedding. Of course we’d prefer cash, but you can’t ask for cash so we did a registry.

Post # 20
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Fiance didn’t love the ideas of registering at first, either. He thought it was rude. 

After lots of talking about boundaries with registering (it’s just a wish list! we don’t put it on invites or anything) and some encouragement from the bee (I literally made a post and had him read it :-)), he agreed to make a small registry. We would add a few items we wanted and a few upgrades. Call it a compromise!

Welllll…then Fiance totally got into registering and we ended up registering at 3 places with lots of items! He loves it and is always like “Man, we need a ______. Did we add this to our registry?” lol

Post # 21
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

I get where your fiance is coming from.  My stepdad, who is not from the US and from a culture that does not do registries, felt the same way.  But as others have pointed out, people will want to get you a gift regardless.  And almost all of them who want to buy you a physical gift (as opposed to a GC or money) will have one of two reactions:

1. Crap, now I have to figure out what to get them!

2. I guess they just want money. (Note: I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but many people will assume this.)

People who want to buy you whatever they want will buy you whatever they want, registry or not.  But the rest of them will appreciate the guidance!

Post # 22
Member
13639 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
nessdawwg:   It is never rude to imply that no gift is expected and that a gift chosen personally and voluntarily by the giver will be cherished and appreciated.  

Post # 23
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
weddingmaven:  Perhaps rude is an exaggeration… but I certainly find it an inconvenience if I don’t know the bride and groom extremely well… which has been the case for all the weddings I’ve been to so far! 

I have no idea what I would have purchased for them if they didn’t have a registry.  I hate giving cash so I probably would have ended up gifting something completely wrong to their tastes or something they already have.

Post # 24
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You can also explain that the point of a bridal shower is to shower the bride with gifts to start her new home with her husband, and its really hard to shop for this purpose with no guidelines.  You will also probably end up with things you don’t like/want with out having a registry.  

Post # 25
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

he can think what he wants, but when Auntie and Grandma and Old Neighbor are calling your mom to see where you’re registered, what are you supposed to tell them? Is he going to field those calls?

Post # 26
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

LarLa:  I come from a culture where no one registers (everyone just gives money) but my fiance is American and his family/friends have been downright harassing us to register – they just want to get us things we actually want/need! We weren’t planning on registering but multiple people have been very persistent. We have since caved and are planning to register for some minor things (some nice glasses, dishes etc) and we will let those people who asked know.

Post # 28
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My Fiance did not like the idea of registering at first – he’s from another country where it isn’t done, people just buy random gifts and give cash. They also don’t have showers over there either, which was another hard one to explain, but since we’re not having a couples shower, he wasn’t too fussed about the showers. 

We discussed it and he decided that we would try it – especially as obviously we weren’t going to advertise the registry anywhere, so only someone who went looking for it would find it. I made sure to really involve him with the process. We talked about what we might need to build a home with (we own a tiny apartment, but all the money has gone into rennovating the apartment, so we don’t have a lot of things) – and we also discussed how nobody would know we had a registry unless they specifically went looking for it. In my circle it is considered rude to even include registry info on a seperate card in the invitation, so it wouldn’t be “out there” so to speak.

After our first shower, he was DYING with excitement because people bought some of the things he picked out. He’s now a very pro-registry man. 

He also ended up very touched by the shower. I think he thought they were huge, gift grabby events (and I know in some circles they can be) – but where I am from they are small and only consist of women who know you very well. He loved reading the cards and all of the recipies and advice I was given. 

Post # 29
Member
4539 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

 

LarLa:  my husband thought the same thing. He’s from the north as well as all his family and they don’t do registries there. They typically just give money. However, all my family is from the south and not having a registry is like blasphemy down here LOL. He eventually came around and we had one. However, it was very practical and only included things we needed. Pretty much everyone from here gave us gifts from the registry or gift cards and his family gave cash or checks. It worked out perfectly and no one was offended.

Post # 30
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
LarLa:  He’s a man so he’s never been on the other side i.e. being invited to a bridal shower and walking around with a registry for ideas.  If you’ve purchased off a registry before, did you find it rude?    

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