(Closed) FI thinks registering is rude

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 32
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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LarLa: I think registering/not registering often comes down to cultural differences. So while registering might be common and accepted in the USA/Canada, it can be viewed as rude or confusing in other countries. Would this be an issue for your FI? Because if he’s from a different culture where the majority of his family and friends would have a hard time with a registry, I think it might be better to skip having one. Sure, there will be guests that would want guidance – but perhaps a Maid/Matron of Honor or one of your mothers could help out and provide ideas for those guests?

Post # 33
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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LarLa:  LOL ignore him and go register with your Maid/Matron of Honor or mom or something.  

Post # 35
Member
13797 posts
Honey Beekeeper

As I said, I know that some of the current  etiquette sources approve them, if done correctly. I shop from them, for showers, mostly.  But I guess I really don’t know how to think of a preemptive wish list of gifts as being anything other than what they would be in any other potential gift situation. Although checks happen to be  common wedding gifts in my particular demographic, I  was also  raised to believe that any gift should be a happy surprise.  

It’s not really a cultural debate, though, since some of the most traditional US etiquette guides look at it from my  perspective.  

My practical advice, if you want to convince Fiance, is to provide the current Emily Post advice on registries.  TBH, even Miss Manners, who is on  record as disapproving of registries on principle, apparently has loosened up just enough in her most recent wedding guide to  “tolerate” a link to a registry on a wedding website.  

Post # 36
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think it’s rude to register. With that being said we only registered because we knew a few of the guests had asked our parents if we were registered anywhere. We honestly didn’t need anything and our registry was therefore very small (we still didn’t get everything on it which was fine, got mostly cash/cheques as gifts instead).

I think a lot of guests like a registry so that they have guidance with what to buy (and they know you’ll like it because you chose it!).

Post # 37
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I think it is harder for men to understand the concept of registering, because often times when they attend weddings either A) they give the couple cash B) their date or a female relative buys a gift on behalf of them or C) they just don’t buy a gift at all.  Plus, many men don’t understand what it’s like to attend a wedding shower and have to find an appropriate gift to bring. 

If you explain these issues to him, he may look at the registry in a different way.  It’s providing your guests with a service and makes gift giving so much easier.  How else are they supposed to know if you want a toaster oven? 

Ask him to to put himself in the situation of a guest.  Wouldn’t he want to know what to buy?

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