Post # 1
Ok, I know, I know. He’s a man and I can’t expect him to be excited about planning a wedding but still. We’re in the beginning stages of planning and planning from afar, so everything is online and emails so far. We finally decided on a venue after months of me trying to decide, and I am seriously SO excited! Can’t he just appease me and pretend to be excited about it? I know he’s excited about getting married and having a big party but it just seems like every time I bring it up to talk about it he doesnt want to or gets annoyed. Yesterday I asked him when he was going to ask his groomsmen (were a year out now and have our venue…I asked my bridesmaids as soon as we got engaged LAST SEPTEMBER) and he just said “soon” and walked out of the room.
Anybody else have this problem? I’m sure it’s normal but can’t help feeling like a deflated balloon every time he does it! We’re also living abroad with a 12 hr time difference so I don’t have my mom or my girlfriends to gush to about wedding stuff! Thank god for weddingbee…
Post # 3
My fi is the same way. Thats why Im on wedding bee nightly. I come on here daily to get my wedding fix. I kinda of wish my fi was more interested in the wedding, but in alot of ways, Im glad he is not. I get to do things my way on most things. He has say so on what he wants to (like the dj and cake) but everything else he just says whatever I want will be perfect.
Post # 4
Weeeeell… He is a guy. My fiancé is the same way and I never expected much from him! I look at like this: he doesn’t care so I can do WHATEVER I want 🙂
Post # 5
Hi date twin! Don’t stress. We have less than a year, but that doesn’t mean he should be more interested.
Ask him questions about things men care about most to gain interest…but don’t go in with high hopes…not all men are secret wedding planners!
Ie: Limos (guys love cars), Cake (men love food), signature drink (most men love a good drink!)
Haha…I say these without being stereotypical, just things that I know my fiance is having fun helping with.
Post # 6
My FH doesn’t care either but in a way I’m kind of glad he’s not that interested because the last time he got involved he suggested that camo be our wedding colors :/ FH will be interested in music and food, so I’m going to ask him to help with that, otherwise I don’t expect him to want to be involved with anything else at all.
Don’t feel bad about it though. Most men aren’t interested in wedding plans. They just know they have to show up on the day of.
Post # 7
@BellaDee: Perfect advice!
And, yeah, OP, don’t worry too much about it, he’ll come around more the closer the wedding day gets. A lot of men just don’t get into the little details as much as we do. Stick around the Bee and you’ll get all the wedding support you need.
Let your Fiance handle things in his own way and just concentrate on being a happy bride-to-be and having as much fun as possible. This is a joyful time in your life!
Post # 8
@Runnat: Yup. FH is kinda the same….he’s helped a bit here and there. BUT, he said it himself that this is his wedding too and he wants to be able to do some stuff. So, I let him design the centerpieces and invitations…..
I AM the one who has to get all of the supplies for the centerpieces. I AM the one who is designing the invites. His sister finally told him he needs to get these invites done, so hopefully those will be done soon.
Post # 9
My Fiance is totally interested and involved and we’re always on the same page, but I found that if I take over too much, he gets moody.
Maybe because you went 100% it into and maybe got ahead of him thinking (assuming, I may be wrong), he just shut down and is letting you take the lead, thinking that’s your preference?
Also, everyone expresses and feels different types of excitement. I’d rather my Fiance feel and express as he truly does rather than lie and pretend for my benefit. That would make me feel pretty crappy.
Post # 10
Sort of, though I don’t really consider it a problem haha. My Fiance is seriously the most laid back person in the world, which I love about him but also knew meant he wouldn’t be super stoked about wedding planning. He proposed with zero pressure from me, so it helps that I know he 100% wants to get married. I have my mom and friends to help with planning, and he’ll give his input about some things (ie guest list, honeymoon, etc). I know him well enough to know he won’t ask his groomsmen until I make him, and I figure there’s no need to make him do it more than a few months before so they can get suits. Most men don’t care about flowers and linens, so why try to force them to?
Post # 11
Yeah my Fi doesn’t get pass because he is a man. I do think you can’t force him to show the level of emotion or excitement that you want. I do suggest setting an hour or two aside to do wedding talk,make choices, and call vendors. My Fi is an active partner planning this wedding with me, and he is the sports/hunting manly man streotype so I don’t buy into the whole men don’t care about this type of things. However my constant chatter about the wedding all day every day was getting to him. So we now have a set time to talk about the wedding, make choices, do research together. That way he didn’t annoyed too quickly.
The majority of wedding planning has to do with logistics, research, finding vendors, and decor is a small part of the choices you will have to make. In my opinion there no reason why someome’s spouse shouldn’t start being an equal partner during the planning process.
Post # 12
He probably thinks a year is a really long time away and isn’t worried about it yet.
Post # 13
Yeah, guys just don’t ‘get’ the big fuss. I mean, some of them do, but a lot of them don’t. This is very normal. FWIW, I can speak from experience when I tell you that having a groom who is happy just to be getting married and leaving the details up to you will be a BLESSING in the long run!! DH1 wanted to be involved in EVERYTHING (Seriously, what man is so opinionated about centerpieces and favors???) and it drove me completely insane because everything was a discussion and nothing got done. This time? FI doesn’t care about the details, is quite happy just to be getting married. WHen I tell him ‘Hey look what I got’ or something he’s impressed or gives thoughts, but it is SO much easier to just see something I like and order it or buy it and NOT have to worry about calling first, taking pictures, showing them to him, getting his thoughts, going back to the store…..you get the idea 🙂
Post # 14
My future husband behaved exactly the same way, especially in the beginning. Give him time, when the day gets closer he’ll be more willing to talk about it and cooperate. I think it’s a common behaviour to the majority of men….For example: he only bought his ceremony suit two weeks ago and the wedding is in two weeks. Another example: he knew who his bestman would be almost two months later than I did….. I think men are just not into most of the duties you have to carry out during the wedding-planning process (flowers, decs, dresses,….).
Post # 15
Thanks everyone! I wrote that post in a moment of frustration, but I totally agree that it’s better than the alternative! He is excited, I know all the details can be a little overwhelming for the men sometimes 🙂 We skyped his mom last night to tell her all the new news (that we have a venue — yay! and found an amazing photographer!) and she was unbelievably excited and so was he!
Post # 16
Does he have a lot of friends? I only ask because my Fiance was a little hessitant because he felt he didn’t have friends he could ask. I know some guys just need time and some will agree even if its last minute. I think they have their own..world and language sometimes. Women like to do things in advance and to know in advance, where some guys are ok being asked the day before!
I was beginning to feel the same way. It just seems no one around me is excited about this like I am and when I bring it up, I feel it is being pushed aside. I had to force my Fiance to listen to this stuff because he said he doesn’t care, he just wants me to get what I want. Aw, so sweet, but I need to talk about it and get excited that we are moving forward. lol