Post # 1
Does your Fiance get along with your friends? And how important is that? My Fiance doesn’t really at all get along with a few of my friends. It’s kind of always been like this for us (we’ve been together 4+ years), and honestly it’s gotten a bit better over the years as they’ve each gotten more used to the other, but it’s definitely still not ideal by any means. It’s still to the point where I feel pretty nervous/uncomfortable when everyone’s hanging out together (so mostly I just don’t pursue those situations, but I do wish everyone could just hang out together & get along!)
The thing is, I do get why he doesn’t like them (can be a bit “wild,” tend to drink excessively, etc.). And it’s not like he insults them constantly or anything-more just expresses judgment when the situation arises. But sometimes I can’t help resenting him for it anyway. I guess I just feel like his personal opinions, however justified, of my friends, should be less important to him than making me happy. Like, if I didn’t like his friends, I would never say so, because they’re his friends and I would respect that. Anyway hive, any advice? Am I delusional in expecting Fiance to make an effort to get along with my friends purely for my sake? If anyone’s coming from the other side (i.e., don’t get along with your FI’s friends), I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!
Post # 3
He is at least cordial with the few friends I have, I don’t know that he dislikes any of them.
I’m glad that he gets along with the people I think are important. I think it’d be pretty hurtful if he didn’t like any of my friends, especially since friends are people you choose to be around, and are almost like a reflection of something about yourself (if that makes any sense). So in a way, speaking negatively about your friends could also be speaking negatively of you. I’m not attempting at all to stir up anything, btw.
If it happened that BF and my friends didn’t get along, I’d probably just not invite him along to hang out. Now if those friends bashed BF while we were alone (and not constructive “we think he is mistreating you because of x, y, z), then they’d be quick to the not-friends basket.
Post # 4
he gets along with my friends fine… but he has some friends i’m not too fond of. i don’t tell him that i don’t like them, but if they do something to bother me i’ll tell him that. he’s been friends with these people forever and i wouldn’t want to get in the way of that. as long as i’m always first in his life, that’s what matters to me.
Post # 5
My Fiance sounds a lot like yours. He doesn’t drink at all and is really not into partying. A subset of my friends (basically my college friends) are still VERY much stuck in the drinking/partying/kegger lifestyle. He thinks its obnoxious and immature. The solution is that he just doesn’t go with me when I hang out with them. Its better that way because I don’t have to worry about him being annoyed and I don’t have to worry about them thinking he’s a stick in the mud.
I guess I could be annoyed… but honestly I agree with him. I’m sooooooooooooooooooooo over their lifestyle. And I find it pretty immature too. But they’re my friends, ya know? I feel like I need to hang in and wait it out because eventually (I hope) they’ll grow up a bit and start leading more adult lives.
Post # 6
My Fiance isn’t a big fan of some of my friends. He notices small things about them (such as how they always complain about their food at restaurants) or big things (like their strong political opinions, which are different from his) and brings up these “flaws” pretty frequently when I’m talking to him about them. On the other hand, he gets along with them pretty well in person, and I don’t think my friends notice anything amiss. He’s critical of his own friends too and I don’t think they know.
I just got upset when he had deleted one of my best friends from his Facebook because he so strongly disagreed with some of her political status updates and I had told him not to stir up trouble. I hope she doesn’t notice they’re no longer facebook friends and that she doesn’t ask me about it, because I don’t know what I’d say!
Post # 7
my Fiance is always pretty good with my friends, we share a lot of friends. but he does sometimes dislike one or the other person and tells me about it afterward but doesnt let it show in their presence.
Post # 8
@ CorgiTales, OMG exactly!! Sounds like you have a better attitude about it than I do though, I’m afraid I’m more towards the passive-aggresive, sometimes agree a little, sometimes get really mad about it side of things. (Need to work on that…)
@ surkim, you’re totally right. I think that is why I get mad, because it feels like a rejection of me and my ability to choose friends / quality people to surround myself with. Thank you for posting!