(Closed) FI vs my father (long)

posted 10 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

He says it’s not fair to make older people work

my only comment is that some people need  to be doing things.  my inlaws are in their 60’s and my Father-In-Law does our lawn/gardening and if he stopped doing these things for us and his other sons then he really will have nothing to do but sit around, tend his own garden and watch tv

my Father-In-Law is no longer is head of the household as all the kids are adults and with their own families, he no longer is asked for advise or help (financial or technical) so this is one way his contributing to his family and it is greatly appreciated by us – we really appreciate it and what he does for us

maybe there is something your dad can help with, tell your Fiance that although its wonderful he wants to respect your dad as an elder its also about respect for a man that was a provider and carer so try not to strip him of his self esteem and pride – your FI’s heart is in a good place but your dad also needs to feel needed.  goodluck

Post # 4
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I definitely agree that it’s important to allow older folks to keep on trucking.  Let him help if he wants to join in!  Folks age much better when they continue to use their brains and bodies.

I agree that big decisions should be left up to you and your husband but I’d hope your husband is ok with seeking your father’s opinion sometimes.  Outside perspectives are usually a good thing.

Post # 5
3456 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s not an all or nothing situation.  You can accept some offers to help without accepting all, or ask for advice in certain situations and not all.  It’s a balancing act.  I’d suggest coming up with a way that he can help that wouldn’t lead to him unpacking or lifting heavy boxes.  For example, after you’ve unpacked, ask for help on putting up pictures.  Ask if he’d be willing to run out to the store and grab X, Y, Z for the house (if you can figure out a way he’ll accept cash – maybe prepay online).  Getting a truck is ok. 

I struggle with this with my Future Mother-In-Law – she always wants to help, and my solution has been to limit what I ask for help on. 

Post # 6
5785 posts
Bee Keeper

How old is your Dad and his parents? Unless they’re in their late 70’s and in poor health,what is your Fiance thinking? You should take whatever help is offered and let your Dad decide what he feels capable of doing. He wouldn’t offer if he couldn’t do it,right?

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