(Closed) FI wanted me to ask wedding bee….

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
2820 posts
Sugar bee

So I understand the contract part but not the offense part.

I guess it creates like tiers of important guests.  But if it’s just casual acquaintances, I really don’t see how it’s really that big of a deal.  I wouldn’t be offended, I’m not sure where the offense part would come in.  Like I already know we’re only casual friends, no big surprise there.  And there’s still cake and drink and dancing, I mean sounds like fun.

Post # 18
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I wouldn’t do it either. I was once invited to a wedding with two receptions – the first one was the full out shabang with the traditional timeline and the second was a get together/hors d’oeuvres type thing. You can guess which one I was invited to. By the time the second one rolled around, all the original guests were gone, toasts were over, cake cutting, dinner, etc. – and I felt slighted. It was like I wasn’t important enough to attend the earlier reception. I would have preferred to just not be invited at all.

Post # 19
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Nope – don’t do it.  Even if you think they won’t care – it still is treating them like second class guests.

If you want to have a good time with people you weren’t able to invite to the wedding – host something after the wedding date (like a few weeks after).

Post # 20
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

No way.

If they don’t make the cut to be invited to the whole thing…my opinion is all or nothing. Either you come to the whole thing, or you don’t come at all.

I kinda feel like it would be weird to have a group of random guys show up to drink and party at your wedding. Everyone will be dressed up and have been part of the whole day and the feelings/emotions, etc and then a group of random guys come in? If I were your other guests, I would be annoyed. You couldn’t party it up with them?

And if you’re contract specifically calls this out- they must look out for it. Why else would they put that in?

Post # 21
1254 posts
Bumble bee

If it clearly states it in your contract I wouldn’t do it only because you don’t want the hassle of having to police the newcomers just so that they blend in with the crowd. You mentioned that the venue is formal and I assume guests will be dressed formally as well. Without being invited to the rest of the festivities, you can’t guarantee that the “dancing guests” will be dressed the same. Especially if they are only there to dance and have a good time (I am assuming they will be doing the same things they would do at a nightclub or bar therefore will be dressed the same).

Maybe you can end the party earlier and have an after-party elsewhere where the others can meet you.

Post # 22
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

NO WAY! It doesn’t matter if they don’t care. They’d have to pay for their drinks so what’s the point? Also you could get shut down if you do this. I’d tell your Fiance “No deal”.

Why not let him invite them to the bachelor party if they’re just guy friends? They’d have more fun there than at the wedding and he’d get to hang out with them.

Post # 24
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My fiancee is British and this is common practice in England.

Post # 25
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Its tradition in scottish weddings.. only family and small circle of friends to ceremony and dinner.. and then.. invite everyone else for supper and party on. Apparently lot of towns people come and its the done thing.

But.. if its in your contract.. id say no.

Post # 26
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

No no no no no.

Post # 27
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t do it, it’s risky with 10 people, and you dont want to take a chance with your venue, have an after party if you want??

Post # 28
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

It does seem a bit hypocritical when you compare to your brother’s wedding, BUT your brother didn’t have it written in the contract that this was not allowed.  So that becomes your way out if people ask you.

Post # 29
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

We actually did something similar to this for a few family friend’s kid’s significant others.  We just could not afford to have them for the reception but we spoke to each one and apologized for being unable to have them attend the dinner but if they wanted to come by afterwards for dancing and dessert, we’d love to have them there.  It worked out fine, a few came, a few did not but everyone seemed to understand when it’s a money thing.

I doubt the venue will notice or care and as far as offending people, esp if they’re guys, I don’t think it’s a big deal if you talk to them one-on-one and explain the situation…

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