(Closed) FI wants her at the wedding, I want her at the reception. What do we do?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i think if your Fiance wants her at the ceremony, she should be at the ceremony and you should respect his decision.

it also looks like you have a lot of time until your wedding happens, so you don’t need to worry about it yet

Post # 4
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would distance myself for the time being to minimise any drama, you have a while yet. If it gets really bad I wouldnt invite her at all to be honest!

Post # 6
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

When do you have to have the guest list finalised by?

If your wedding is in 2013 a lot could happen in that time. You might become best pals or your fiance might even get sick of her!

If she keeps acting this way it wont be too hard for you to get your point across and come to an agreement over it.

I know its hard but ignoring some of the stuff might help, and make you come across “the bigger person”.

I am in a VERY similar situation myself. It sucks but at the end of the day the less emphasis that is put on this girl the better, cause its probably what she wants. She would probably get less attention by being at the ceremony than she is by being the source of arguments!

If that makes sense 😛

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

why don’t you have a say in the guest list at your wedding? We had a small, 30 person ceremony. I got to pick 15 people and so did my husband. He invited some people that I wouldn’t have picked (gf’s of good friends, when I said no SO’s even if you’re married b/c there’s just no room). But it was his 15 people, his choice, and as long as he didn’t go over I didn’t really care.

Post # 8
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

If your wedding date really is 2013, I would do nothing for the time being.  I think this is a perfect “cross that bridge when we get to it” situation.  Throw her on the guest list for early planning stages, but don’t necessarily say anything.  You never know what might happen in the next two years.

Post # 9
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have to say, I think if having her at the ceremony is going to upset you to the point where you’ll feel bad about during the ceremony, try to stand your ground. Have you really talked with your Fiance about why you’re upset? Like, had a conversation where you use “I” statements and talk about feelings and try not to blame anyone or get angry?

He probably remembers all the good times. I’d say just talk about it gently, rather than going, “Don’t you remember when she did X and Y and Z?”–say, “I know she’s very important to you, and I want to make sure to honor that. But I’m concerned that she won’t have as good a time at the ceremony as she will at the reception, and I’m concerned that if she is late or decides not to come, like these other times, it will be upsetting for both of us.”

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