(Closed) FI wants his closest female friend as his best man.

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

Who cares if it’s not traditional or not?  If she’s who your Fiance wants, then I say go for it. (Now, the staying over at her house is a completely seperate issue here) You’re supposed to be surrounded by your closest friends and family on your wedding day.

Post # 4
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have nothing against a female best man (Best Woman?) but I’m not particularly traditional. That said, based on what you said about her in your other post (e.g. she having a crush on him back in the day) and your general discomfort about the whole thing, I’m inclined to say that this may not be the best idea. I think you will be analyzing every little thing she says or does and it will drive you crazy. If he can find a different best man, that would probably be best.

Post # 5
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Lake Taghkanic State Park

If she is important to him why not? It might not be traditional, but being a bride with more close male friends than female friends I can see where he is coming from. I’m considering having my best male friend be my Man of Honor.

I know that you’re less likely to get crap from other people with strong opinions if you go with what is expected and that the traditions provide a definite symmetry and a real specific look, but in the end I think it should come down to who you love and want standing up there with you, not who will line up the best in the pictures.

I’m reading the book A Practical Wedding by Meg Keane and in which she helps you try to separate what you feel like you have to have in a wedding and what you actually want in a wedding, it’s a great book. Anyway she always writes to keep this quote in mind “I will not remember what our wedding looked like; I will rememer what it felt like.”

[If it’s an issue with the girl specifically though, you should really have a serious talk with him and explain to him how you feel.]

Post # 6
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It is not “traditional”, but there is nothing wrong with it in my opinion.

The issue here is how you feel about this woman.

Post # 7
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I like the idea of aything non-traditional, I personally think too many women stay away from anything different to be safe from the opinions of others.

 

With that said I would highly recommened you being 100% trusting and liking of the lady. Not that she is standing for you but you are the wife to be and another woman relationship around of any kind that close to your husband could always leave a doubt in your mind.

Post # 8
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

FI’s got a ‘best woman’ and i have a ‘man of honor’.

it doesn’t matter what you are “supposed to do”. do what feels right.

Post # 9
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

In general, I think it’s fine when people want untraditional wedding parties. However, you’re in a different situation. You said in the other post that you were uncomfortable with your Fiance spending the night alone at her place and you were upset he would even consider it. The wedding party is the closest group of friends and family standing up for your union and marriage. Sounds like you are uncomfortable with HER being a groomsmen, not a woman in general. 

Post # 10
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’ll be having 3 female BMs plus my brother standing on my side after he walks me down the aisle, then just 2 male groomsmen on FI’s side – we’ll be mismatched in numbers AND have a male bridesman (?). I really believe you can do whatever you want to do, it’s your wedding, and I’ve read a lsaying examples of people doing this too. As long as that is your only objection!

Post # 11
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think that it depends on who she is. We don’t know her, you do.

In general I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, but someone mentioned that you had posted before about her having a crush on your fiance. If you’re feeling creepy vibes then you may want to discuss with your fiance if she is the appropriate choice.

Post # 12
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I was suppose tothe the best women in my best guy friends wedding. Unfortunatelly that wedding didn’t happen but I was going to wear a long black gown instead of a tux!

Post # 13
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i had my son as man of honour and my husband had his sister as his best woman.

@raisedonrobbery:  are you uncomfortable with the idea of this or with this particular woman?

 

Post # 14
Member
1101 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you are uncomfortable with it, definitely not. Talk to your Fiance about it. I know it’s common these days, but I don’t care to see a female on the grooms side, or a male on the females side. Once again, my personal opinion.  (btw her having a crush on him back in the day, uh no she’s not standing up there with us as we get married)

Post # 15
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

If that his best friend I don’t get what the big deal is, unless there are some issues between the three of you.

Post # 16
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well if you want things to be traditional in the wedding I can see why you would feel it’s untraditional but it really does happen more often. Male MOH’s, Female best man’s, You can do pretty much anything you want.

On the other hand, you aren’t particularly fond of her to begin with so I can see some problems being had with her as the best woman. Does your Fiance know exactly how uncomfortable it makes you? It seems a bit odd that he wanted to spend the night you had the discussion and now he’s posing the question of her being the best woman. I think a good conversation needs to be had because at least for now it doesn’t seem like she’s going anywhere and if she still has feelings for your SO it’s going to be something that bothers you until it’s on the table for the rest of your life. Good luck!

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