(Closed) FI wants his Mom to stay with us before the wedding!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t want houseguests either. Instead of arguing about it can you afford to leave for the week and go to a hotel? That’s what I would do. I know it’s extreme, but I need my space. 

Post # 18
Member
1862 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

To all the bees who would have a big issue with this, are you not concerned that telling her she can’t stay with you will really cause tension and animosity between you and your MIL? Is saying no really worth creating issues between the two of you? Not trying to start anything, I’m simply curious. At the end of the day, this woman is the mother of your fiancé/husband. I think my Fiance would be hurt and pissed if I told him his mom can’t stay with us the week of the wedding. I’d be hurt and pissed at him if he said the same thing about my mother. 

I dunno, I don’t see how horrible this is at all. 

Post # 19
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

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@CurlyCue:  That’s a little silly. The bride should move all her stuff to a hotel before her own wedding because her mother in law is staying?

OP you are not being unreasonable. My Fiance asked if his bro and wife could stay the night before the wedding (wtf) and I said….

NOPE! SORRY I’M NOT SORRY. 

Post # 20
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Diamond84:  I only saw my Mother-In-Law two or three times before we married and see her once a year; I could have (and still do) care less about causing tension with her. I married her son not her or her family. We keep it cordial, but having her in my space for a week- heck no.

 

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@lealorali:  Relocating a week’s worth of clothes and toiletries is not all her stuff. The bride could go back to her home anytime, but not having to be there the entire time would ease the pressure ofnhaving to be a good host.  In an ideal situation the Future Mother-In-Law would realize this would be the time to get a hotel and a Fiance would side with his bride. A week is a long time for a house guest to begin with. Plus sharing a bathroom. Plus it’s the wedding week. I’d rather not argue with my husband about his mom when I can easily go someplace else.

Post # 21
Member
2864 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Beachy0404:  She can stay if she can find room in that spare room – no wedding stuff is to be touched because there’s no time to fix it if something gets wrecked. 

Sheets are in the linen closet, food in the fridge, but please replace anything that’s used within 4-8 hours. Kitchen and bathroom should be left as found – no dishes stacked up, gross toothpaste in the sink, etc. Spare key is where it usually is, and there’s street parking for her rental car. 

Can’t wait to spend time with her at the rehersal dinner + wedding day!!

Post # 22
Member
2864 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@Diamond84:  Yeah, at the end of the day, she’s his mother, but I’ll be his wife. Happy wife, happy life. 

Are you saying that you’re planning to host both your families right before your wedding? You’ve either got more space, more patience or both than most!

Post # 23
Member
7580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Beachy0404:  Not unreasonable at all. I too implimented a “no guests” policy the week of our wedding. We have a large house with plenty of room, and I’m sure that some people probably that that was selfish. However, I had WAY too much else going on that I did not want to be responsible for entertaining or cleaning up after people. We live in a resort area, and my ILs rented a vacation house for themselves to stay in. I specifically implemented it becauase I didn’t want MY mother staying here. My brother took one for the team and she stayed with him. I returned the favor for his wedding and she stayed with me.

Our house is seriously a rotating hotel. It’s just the two of us and we have a lot of space. We have guests here constantly and an open door policy. Our family and friends are welcome any time. However, the week of the wedding I just was not down with having house guests.

Post # 25
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Regardless of who they were, I would not have wanted to have one, let alone TWO people stay at my house the week before our wedding… Ugh, that would have been too much. I agree that yes, you are still “hosting” them, and that’s asking a lot. A day or two, max. Even if it’s family, guests and leftovers start to stink after a couple of days. You don’t need that extra stress right before the wedding. 

Post # 26
Member
9679 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Beachy0404:  He’s being inconsiderate. You’re his future wife, your needs come first. Who cares if he’s mad or she’s “hurt.” Give me a break, it’s the one time you can unapologetically put yourself first. They’ll get over it. I wouldn’t want to deal with inlaws for a week, let alone my wedding week when I’m busy enough. 

Say no and don’t feel bad about it. They can be mad all they want. It beats you being annoyed, stressed, and put out. 

 

Post # 27
Member
1862 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@bitsybee:  To be fair, I will be at my parent’s house the week of my wedding. However, at my parent’s house, will be my mom’s sister coming from Europe, my mom’s brother coming from Europe, my Maid/Matron of Honor (cousin) and her fiancé (who I have never met in person yet but can’t wait to see as we’ve skyped many times together!) staying with us, and my other male cousin who is coming from Europe. Oh, and I have a good friend who lives in another state that is going to try her best to be able to make it to the wedding (she’s not sure if she can yet) and if she can make it, she already knows that I’m driving her straight from the airport to my parent’s house, no ifs, ands, or butts. 

So, yea, lol. You may think I’m nuts but honestly, I feel like the more the merrier. I know none of them are gonna expect my mom to make meals every day or all of that, because my mom will be at my hip running around doing whatever last minute things I need, and I’ll also be taking my aunt, cousin, and friend along with. The way I see it, I have a ton of people that I love at hand to help with doing the favor boxes, making the homemade favor treats, go get manis and pedis with, help moving whatever wedding stuff I need, and whatever last minute wedding stuff that needs to get done. Not to mention the awesome memories that will be made. Call me crazy but I’m really looking forward to that week before my wedding when everyone will be here. 

ETA: And to be clear, we insisted that all of them stay with us and not think twice about staying at a hotel. To each their own, I guess. I don’t really see it as hosting anyone, to be honest. Everyone will be there and they know they can feel free to open the fridge, go take a nap, watch tv, do what they want. We’re all family/close friends. No need for formalities. 

Post # 28
Member
2864 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@Diamond84:  you’re lucky your parents have the space. Not everyone is as blessed. I don’t think you’re nuts but I don’t think the expectation that homes should be opened for family because family is realistic or fair for everyone. 

The topic ‘FI wants his Mom to stay with us before the wedding!’ is closed to new replies.

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