(Closed) FI wants his sister to be a bridesmaid??

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I ask FI's sister (whom I've never met) to be a bridesmaid?
    Yes, your FI's feelings are the most important thing here. : (100 votes)
    74 %
    No, don't ask someone you don't know to be in the wedding party! : (27 votes)
    20 %
    Other (please comment below) : (9 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3471 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    I would recommend you BOTH asking her– or at least, you asking when he’s around.  

    Having only just met you, it might be an awkward situation for her– but if her borther is close by to say he really wants her to be a part of it too, that will make it easier for her.  Especially since it’s not a huge deal to you, why not do this for him? It’ll make him happy, and it’ll make her feel honored to be part of her brother’s wedding.  I would go for it, and just keep him close by to ease her possible discomfort. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I think you both should ask her.  It’s really no different than asking your brother to be a groomsman.  I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to be a part of your day. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    811 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Since you don’t know her, this would be a great way to bond. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Hi – I wouldn’t ask someone I don’t know to be a bridesmaid. 

    Think about your hopes and even expectations of what you’d like your bridal party to be to you.  How does a stranger fit into that picture?

    Personally I would feel really weird if someone asked me I’d never met before.  Why doesnt your Fiance ask her to stand on his side? 

    Uneven numbers aren’t a big deal!

    Post # 7
    Member
    5271 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I would def ask her – it would be a very nice gesture and I’m sure it would mean alot to her. Plus, its his wedding too, and he should be able to have the people he loves standing with him, regardless of which side they stand on. 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    204 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I’m in a similar-ish situation. I’m having my fiance’s 2 sisters as bridesmaids, although we’re not close and I never see them away from their house. We’ve been together (FI & I) for 6 years and I haven’t developed a real relationship with his sisters. They’re being my bridesmaids, though, because I could tell he wanted to ask them (although he didn’t) and I put his feelings first. By all means, not everyone should do that, I just felt it was right and it’s made him really happy. Just means I’m having 5 bridesmaids instead of 3 now!

    Post # 9
    Member
    9548 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    First, I don’t think concerns about having uneven sides should play into this. Second, could he invite her to be on his side? I’m having my brother on my side. It doesn’t really need to be gender segregated. And you would still get to know her better without the stress of trying to organize a bunch of stuff with somebody you don’t really know. Or maybe there’s some other way to get her involved? I can totally understand not wanting a bridesmaid that you don’t really know that well, but I think that it is reasonable for him to ask to have her in the bridal party, and if that’s on your side, so be it. I agree that you should invite her together for whatever you end up deciding.

    Post # 10
    Member
    8684 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I’d say you both ask her.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5475 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Could he ask her to stand up on his side?  Uneven sides won’t make your marriage invalid- remember these are people, not props for your wedding 🙂 

    Post # 12
    Member
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I had somone I didn’t know as a bridesmaid, my Darling Husband best friend’s (groomsman) wife, and she was the most helpful supportive bridesmaid out of everyone. 

    Since you’re about to become family with this woman I think it would be a nice gesture.  If you get along with her brother so well maybe she could become a really good friend. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    805 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I agree with Paigey, it’s a nice way to get to know the girl.

    Post # 14
    Member
    878 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If this is just about the uneven thing – I have an uneven party and I am having a groomsman escort two ladies. You can also have two groomsmen escort one lady.

    I asked my FI’s sister to be my bridesmaid because his mother really wanted her to be in my party and I wanted to foster good relations with his entire family. It has given me an opportunity to spend more time with her which has been nice. She is going to help liven up the bachelorette which I am thrilled about (my sister is a little boring).

    However, she lives near us all and I see her a lot, so I know her. Your situation is a little different.

    You have the right to refuse and have only your closest friends around you. This could be an opportunity to grow closer to this woman.

    You will be “sisters-in-law” so you will be gaining a sister. You are having your sisters be your BMs, so why not try to gain a new sister?

    Post # 15
    Member
    878 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    P.S., welcome to the hive!

    Post # 16
    Member
    3977 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I would think of it as both of your wedding party rather than only your bridesmaids. If you had a really close brother or friend you wanted included and you didn’t want to go with the less traditional bridesman then it would probably be important to you that your Fiance see what it meant to you.

    I think since it’s a positive wish on his side and doesn’t make things uneven that it shouldn’t be a big deal. I asked my DH’s sister and it worked out really nice, I can’t imagine what it would have been like without her. We really got to bond over the preparation, and it would have felt awkward for her to not be at the rehearsal or go out with us to get nails done and things.

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