(Closed) FI wants his sister to be a bridesmaid??

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I ask FI's sister (whom I've never met) to be a bridesmaid?
    Yes, your FI's feelings are the most important thing here. : (100 votes)
    74 %
    No, don't ask someone you don't know to be in the wedding party! : (27 votes)
    20 %
    Other (please comment below) : (9 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    269 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My future hubs’ 14-year-old sister is a bridesmaid. I don’t know her well, and my other two BMs are my two best friends, but how on earth would FI’s sister feel if she was the only family member not standing up at the wedding?!

    Post # 33
    Member
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    In my bridal party I invited my 1st cousin to be a part and my husband has a 1st cousin who is my same age and the same age as my other cousin. I decided to include her because I wanted her to feel welcomed. I had previously met her only one other time. (I have a sister and my husband has two sisters but the way it’s structured in my culture normally is that bridesmaids are just the friends and immediate family (sometimes extended) is already special and the most important – they stand up, not the bridesmaids. Sometimes the family wears different colored gowns than the bridesmaids. So his sisters were automatically included anyway, hence why I’m not specifically mentioning them.)

    Anyway, back to the point, inviting her was a great idea. It meant a lot to my husband and it meant a lot to my husband’s family. They saw how much of an effort I was making and it bonded this cousin and myself. This past weekend when her flight back from where we live (she came for a wedding, not to see us) was cancelled she crashed with us for the weekend and it was like we were great friends. I don’t think we’d have the type of easy relationship we have now if I hadn’t included her. She was a great bridesmaid and at times was more supportive than my closer friends. It just goes to show that you never know how someone will take on the role – as even just emotional support, not even throwing parties – and sometimes a girl that you don’t know as well might be even more supportive and helpful because she’s happy to be included and wants to get to know you better. If she sees the effort you’re making, she might return it in kind.

    I know this is definitely not always the case, but this did happen to me, so I just wanted to throw that experience out there. I like the idea of you and your fiancé asking her together because if she doesn’t feel comfortable or doesn’t think it’s a role she can handle she can always talk to your fiancé about it instead of you and avoid a little bit more of an awkward conversation. I think it would even be perfectly acceptable if your fiancé approaches her privately and informs her that you were thinking of asking her to be a part of the bridal party and he just wanted to know if that’s something she’ll feel comfortable with as to avoid her having to awkwardly decline to you. This way she can really show her true feelings and not take on too much and if she says yes you can give her a cute little card or something and formally ask. 

    *Sorry for any iPad typos. I proofread but my iPad has never been friends with weddingbee*

    Post # 34
    Member
    2544 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    If you’re going to ask her, I agree with PPs that you should both ask her together.

    I’m having my FI’s sister in my bridal party even though we’re not particularly close. (In fact, sometimes she drives me crazy, lol.)

    It’s not really that much of an inconvenience to include the sister, and I’m sure it would mean a lot to her. It obviously means a lot to your Fiance, so I don’t really see the big deal in asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

    Post # 35
    Member
    666 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @tonights:  This. My FI’s sister will be 19 when we get married and there is no way I wouldn’t ask her. While we aren’t very close, we  have laways gotten along and I wanted her there, expecially since both his brothers will be groomsmen/Best Man. I’m an only child, but I know if I had a brother he would have them part of the wedding no matter what. I agree with previous posters that you should ask her together.

    Post # 36
    Member
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I didn’t have my hubby’s sister as a bridesmaid and I didn’t ask him to have either of my brothers as a groomsmen though my sister was a bridesmaid and husbands brother was his best man.  Not that there’s anything wrong with having the significant other’s family in your support team of helpers.

    The way I look at it, being a bridesmaid is as much work as an honor. 

    It takes time and money.  They organize, plan and pay for a bridal shower together, buy dresses and potentially shoes and jewelry, possibly organize and pay for a bachelorette party, and help you with any planning and problems.  This is on top of normal travel and accommodation costs of a wedding.  Personally, I reserve these obligations and this emotional support for close friends. We had my hubby’s sister as a reader at our ceremony and she was happy to be included.  I didn’t mind asking my team of bridesmaids about some detail that would take way too long and too many emails to figure out but I might have felt a little weirder about asking my husbands sister, whom I didn’t know well. 

    So if it is important to you Fiance, and your BM’s are all easy to get along with, I say no harm in asking her. But personally, I am glad my husband chose his support team and I chose mine.  Everyone had a great time at our wedding and no one seemed to feel slighted at all. 

     

     

    Post # 37
    Member
    320 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Ask!!!!!

    It is your husbands wedding too. If it were his brother, he would just have him on his side. But since she is his sister, she belongs with the girls. It we be a great bonding experince for you both, and I am sure she will feel honored if you ask. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    1238 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think this is normal, “historically” and nowadays. Last year I was at my sister in law’s wedding and her FI’s sister was a bridesmaid. I think they had met a few times, but barely knew each other.

    think of it this way, she is going to become your family soon enough! 🙂

    Post # 39
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    She will be in your life for the rest of your life.  Ask her.  Or have your fiancé ask her.  It would probably mean a lot to her and his family. 

     

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