(Closed) FI wants me to be more "laid back"–any advice from other high-strung brides?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1164 posts
Bumble bee

MrsRevolutionize:  ouch! I’m sorry life seems to be throwing somuch at yyou right now.  I’m afraid I’m not particularly high strung so not sure much of this will help but just wanted to send you some support.  Also could you give up some of the less important aspects to other people?  E.g. my sister is making my flowers she has the colour scheme and a rough idea of what I do/don’t like and I trust her taste so I’m not stressing about flowera at all because it’s not my job and flowers were less important to me whereas I care about my hair and makeup so I’m doing lots of mybown research to find the people to make that happen exactly how I want it

Post # 3
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I was very high strung during my planning and my husband is the laid back “who cares” kind of person so we had many of those arguments you mentioned having.

I went on anti-anxiety meds a month before my wedding and it helped immensly. I didn’t have the same stress you did, everyone’s situation is unique, but you may want to give that a try if your Dr. is fine with that you can go on one that can be stopped when all the wedding stress is done. I think it also helped me not be toooo much of a bridezilla the day of the wedding πŸ™‚

Since coming off the meds (I stopped them when my cousin killed herself by overdose a month after my wedding… so yeah I know how it feels with family suicide *hugs!*) I’ve used chunking to help deal with my tasks and stress.

Make a list and CHUNK it. Separate it into smaller lists of a grouped theme, it could be the category (flowers? decor?) or it could be that you have to go to X city to get all these items done. Make sure you can not see the other lists as you work on each individually, that way you’re not feeling overwhelmed. And cross things off! I learned that I get a little rush crossing things off so I would break my lists down into the smallest of tasks just so I could get that boost when its done.

I wish you luck with the end of your planning and I know you’ll have a fantastic day πŸ™‚

Post # 6
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

MrsRevolutionize:<br />

  That sounds so much like my Fiance and I haha. I am so sorry to hear about the events that added to your stress though, that is a lot to take in and can be very emotionally draining with wedding planning and all. My Fiance only helped pick out the food, venue, and the color of his tux. Everytime I ask him about all these ideas I have for the wedding he doesn’t care, and he really doesn’t. He wants me to be happy and will do anything I want, but I am such a planner and so indecisive (horrible combination), that I really feel like I depend on his input, which stresses me out more haha. They will always be laidback and we will always be high-strung, that is how men and women are by nature. They have more of a one track mind while we are capable of thinking about a thousand things at once.

What I do to help is I love to workout too. My Fiance and I actually workout together on the weekends and it serisouly is fun and so nice. We don’t have wedding books or a computer in front of us so we can just talk about other things while we do it. We also are pretty consistent with going out on the weekends, getting a bite to eat and some drinks and then coming home to watch a movie. I know they are all little things, but it really does help get my mind off of things until I am faced with them again.

So my advice is to go on a date every weekend, maybe change up your workout and go together or do a different workout regimen. And the biggest advice is to ask for help! If you are that overwhelmed then ask your mom, or bridesmaids to help take some of the load off of your back. Trust that it will all get done and you will have a wonderful wedding, but remember to live in the moment and enjoy it with your future husband!! πŸ™‚

Post # 7
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

MrsRevolutionize:  I would classify my relationship along the same lines as yours: he’s super laid back and “goes with the flow” as well, whereas I’m always stressed out and worried about something. I’ve had hair loss issues as well for a long time, although due to hormones, and THAT is super stressful in itself (along with the fact that I prefer to hide at home some days rather than deal with my awful hair).

I went to see a psychiatrist a while back and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. He said that he can prescribe anti anxiety meds, but that getting your heart rate up for 30 minutes 3 times a week has been shown to be as effective as medication on mild to moderate depression and anxiety. Keep in mind you want to keep your exercise on a fairly intense level.

I usually try to abide by that, and it helps (although it takes a few weeks, like with meds, to really notice a change). Other than that, if I start to get really stressed, I try to ground myself and just either think about nothing (it can be done!) or if there’s an issue that can be solved, I deal with it (sometimes that means at 2am). 

Overall sometimes it helps if you try to look at everything in context. If something at your wedding isn’t perfect, it’s NOT a big deal – you are just making it one! Try to see things for what they are πŸ™‚ 

Post # 8
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You might want to talk to a therapist and get help with coping techniques and ways of minimizing your stress.

Post # 9
2698 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015


Hello fellow high-strung bride! My Fiance is similar, his fave saying is ‘It will all work out’. To which I usually respond, ‘Yea! Because I make it work out!’. He is very much go with the flow with things whereas I like to have everything perfectly planned out, if it doesn’t go as planned I’m ok with it… as long as I’m prepared. (the teacher in me!)

We have similar arguments in planning, basically I feel, (and am) planning the entire wedding and giving his updates. One thing we did to help the arguments and make things more fair is we sat down together and I have him a list of wedding responsibilities that he is doing the research for, then telling me about so we can make a decision about it together. That made me feel like I wasn’t so alone in the process. Also, I talk to my BMs a lot!!! They help me make minor to major decisions, and just listen to me vent! I owe them a lot of wine!

As before mentioned I’m a teacher, so I have the summer off, which is really helping me calm down and plan. I also find it’s helpful to focus on something else. I’ve been really focussed on mt health lately, which takes my mind off the wedding… and will help me fit into my dress! Win-win!

I would suggest trying yoga or pilates. It’s all about connecting your mind to your body and focussing on breathing… I know it sounds silly, but it really does help. There’s lots of videos on youtube you can find… I find that even 20 minutes can make a HUGE difference.

Last piece of advice… sorry this post is long. Make date nights! Simple, I know. Go to the movies, have a nice dinner, go swimming or for a walk! The catch- no wedding talk!! Just focus on being together and connecting, it will do you both a world of good and help you remember why you’re getting married!

Good luck! ‘It will all work out!’

Post # 10
31 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014 - The Florian Gardens

Honestly I decided an anti-anxiety medication was the best solution for me. With so much going on in my life my doctor agreed that it would be the best temporary solution to the stress in my life. Mr. Farmer has thanked me numerous times for deciding to do it. Sometimes life is just a bit too much to handle and you need a little help. Talk to your Dr or a therapist and they can give you coping mechanisms. Breathing tricks, things to prioritize, excerise even and sometimes just talking about it makes you feel better. Hugs! You will get through it, it’s tough wedding planning but it won’t last forever!

Post # 11
8861 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

take a break for a few days.  you don’t need to think wedding 24/7.  i planned mine in 7 months and i really only needed 3 to do everything.

so…plan a date with your Fiance where you don’t think or talk about anything wedding related.

don’t do anything wedding related this weekend. 

trust me, everything will come together.

Post # 13
165 posts
Blushing bee

Very similar situation here. My fiance is one of the most relaxed people on the planet, and I’m off the wall most days, talking a mile a minute. We’ve certainly helped each other, the same way it seems you have. I’ve also had physical symptoms (my period was 17 days late this month! It was late due to stress at my intense university, but not quite this bad. I’m clearly very stressed! Sorry for the TMI)

– I can second the exercising, especially with your partner. We’ve started going to the gym together 4 times a week, and it really has been wonderful

– I also second date nights. They’ve been wonderful. Force yourself to smile, drink wine, and think romantic things for just the first few minutes, and it’ll come naturally after that

– Maybe hire a Day-Of planner? It is a bit of money, but I’ve felt loooaddds better knowing that, even if I stop all of my planning this instant, the wedding will still go off mostly without a hitch.

– I personally don’t like yoga because my messed up mind views it as wasting time that I could spend working or planning. Instead, I like doing things that are not necessarily calming, but something I love. For me, it’s making art or cooking. Cooking massive dinner parties is not easy or relaxing, but it does put me in a very positive “zone” where I’m not allowed to thing about wedding stress.

– When you can see he’s getting stressed, have a particular set of changes that you force yourself to do to calm him down. When I see my fiance is stressed from my tension, I immediately 1) slow my voice down and lower it in pitch, 2) comfortingly touch him, which in turn comforts me, 3) compliment him and tell him how much I appreciate him, 4) pretend like you’re swimming in a pool, or time has slowed down – every motion should be slow and graceful. Doing this every time I notice he’s getting stressed has helped IMMENSELY.

Post # 14
79 posts
Worker bee

I also have anxiety and I exercise (I do 3 hours a week of cardio), fish oil pills and warm soothing tea do the trick for me.  Fish oil pills or Krill Oil Pills are better for you than the stuff the pharmaceuticals give you, just make sure you buy a good brand (I use Nordic Naturals Omega 3) otherwise you get fishy burps (sorry – TMI?). Fish oil also helps make your hair healthier too and might help with the hair loss πŸ™‚

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