Post # 1
FI told me yesterday that his friend and groomsman is coming to visit this Sunday and Monday. He said he would clean up the guest room (my wedding room) and that he would take care of everything. Cool.
Today I found out that his friend is bringing his wife. I met her in October and that’s the last time I saw or spoke to her. When I asked if I need to plan to cook a meal or if they’re going to eat all meals out, FI said, “It’s okay, you’ll have help,” implying that friend’s girlfriend would help me cook dinner. He then said, “I figure you two could spend the day together having girl time and [friend] and I can go hang out.”
I don’t deal well spending lots of one-on-one time with people I don’t know pretty well. It just makes me uncomfortable And we don’t have a lot of free entertainment in my city so I’d have to spend money that I don’t have since I’ve been scrimping like crazy to save.
Work has been super-stressful lately and Monday is a vacation day, so I really just wanted to spend the day reading, watching bad movies and maybe baking some cookies if I felt really inspired.
Is it wrong of me to refuse to spend an entire day of forced “girl time” with someone I hardly know? Am I justified in my reasoning or am I just being a complete bitch?
Post # 3
I would do it to make your fiance happy. 🙂 Even though it’s not what you had in mind this weekend, I would still do it. Who knows? Maybe you’ll really hit it off with her and have fun! Don’t try to hard and just be yourself. Hopefully it’ll go better than you think. 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 4
I find that incomprehensible. You aren’t friends with her, but he assumed you’d want to have “girl time” for an entire day with her? Sorry, but this makes me think of parents who want to hang out with their friends who are also parents, and just shove the kids out in the yard saying “Well, they’re about the same age, they should be able to entertain each other.” It is just bizarre that the groomsman would bring his wife without intending to spend time with her. I can’t imagine she would be thrilled about being dumped off on someone she barely knows either (no offense meant to you, of course). It seems like your FI really wanted all along to spend the day with just his groomsman, and tried to come up with a sneaky way to get rid of the wife when he heard she was coming along. Tell him that if everyone is going to spend the day together as a foursome, in a sort of day-long double-date, that you’d be game for that, but that entertaining his wife by yourself is not your responsibility nor your desire.
[ETA] No offense meant to parents who do that with their kids. 🙂 The comparison is meant to highlight the fact that the original poster is not a child.
Post # 5
It’s just a day. You don’t have to do any entertaining that requires you to spend a lot of money. Plus I’m sure that she will have her own money to spend.
Hit up a movie or just walk around the mall or park. Or stay at home and watch movies. Or talk to your FI and maybe do something all together. Go to a driving range. I can’t golf for crap, I can’t even even hit the ball more than a foot in front me….but I had a blast when I went with my BF and his guy friend his girlfriend.
And just be honest with the girl up front. Tell her that you have a little bit of anxiety when it comes to hosting to someone new, she might feel the same way.
Who knows, maybe you will end up being really good friends after this visit.
Post # 6
Maybe she will want to sit and quietly read or watch bad movies too!
Post # 7
I didn’t vote in your poll because I don’t think either one is completely the right answer. My fiance is always doing this kind of thing to me–asking me to/assuming that I will want to kill time alone with his friend’s wife whom I hardly know while he goes to hang out with said friend. For me, it comes with the territory of having moved back to his home state where I don’t know many people outside of him.
But I do think it’s kind of inconsiderate of your fiance to spring this on you right now and to ask you to spend the entire day together with his friend’s wife (is this tomorrow, Sunday, that we’re talking about?). Can you hang out the 4 of you for part of the day–see music, play mini golf, go out for lunch, etc., and then hang out with the wife on your own for the rest of the day?As a poster above said, you might really like her!
I would say that you should suck it up and hang out with her for a least part of the day. The friend is your fiance’s groomsman after all, so you’ll have to be seeing the both of them probably a lot up until the wedding. But I feel you, I love to spend weekend days relaxing and reading alone and sometimes I Hate for that to get compromised.
Can you bake cookies together? Everyone loves cookies!
Post # 8
got any DIY projects that need to get finish? maybe you can casually mention that you had really wanted to get such and such done that day and maybe she’ll offer…wooo! free help! and who knows, maybe she would really enjoy wedding stuff since she’s already married and not involved in it anymore. then i say put on a movie and bake her some cookies to thank her for the help. this sucks but perhaps you’ll be able to use it to your advantage.
Post # 9
Thanks for the advice everyone!
@chocolatemalt: He wants me to hang out with her on Monday. I would be perfectly happy to spend the day as a foursome. It’s just the one-on-one time that’s stressing me out.
I think I’m stressed out for a few reasons. The first is that I’ve already met her and didn’t really enjoy her at the time. We’re complete opposites and all we talked about was the wedding because it was right after we got engaged. And I know that’s what will happen this time too. The thing is, I don’t really like talking about the wedding. It usually just stresses me out. I do much better when I plot and plan in silence.
I’m going to talk to I about it tonight when he gets home from work, and hopefully we’ll come to a good compromise.