(Closed) FI wants me to meet his 'best friend' (who is of his ex's)?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Meet FI's 'best friend' (aka ex gf)? (READ BEFORE VOTING PLEASE)
    No, they don't even hang out anyways! : (45 votes)
    20 %
    No, that is really weird and too much to ask! : (65 votes)
    29 %
    Yes, meet her and get it over with. : (38 votes)
    17 %
    He's an idiot for expecting you to be okay with that. : (77 votes)
    34 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    338 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Personally I wouldn’t want to either!! On the other hand I think it’s awesome that he is open enough with you to introduce you to her. It might not be a bad thing but the choice is yours don’t feel pressured into anything 🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    4311 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Why would he want this woman in his life in general?  She sounds like a hot mess.

    Post # 5
    Member
    655 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Sweet_Tea:  Shouldn’t you be his best friend? You don’t need people like that in your life so I’d tell him no effing way.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7673 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    This is wrong at so many levels. (1) Aren’t you his best friend? (2) Why is he so keen to keep a friendship with an ex going? (3) Why is he so keen to meet an ex who is a criminal?

    My gut feeling is she wants to meet you two to get money out of the two of you.

    Post # 8
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’m more on the fence than the previous posters. She’s not really an ‘ex.’ She’s an ex friends with benefits. I have several friends who have been able to keep the f-w-b thing going without ever crossing the friendship line. The way he (might) see her is as an old friend, who he cares about and thinks nothing of their sexual past, whose been in a spot of trouble- And of course he wants to have the love of his life meet his friends!

    I by no means think you need to do it, but I don’t think it was out of line for your Fiance to ask. Tell him no, because you are uncomfortable with it and he should respect that, but it would be unnecessary and possibly hurtful to say things like “no effing way” or “are  you crazy!?” 

    Post # 10
    Member
    3039 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My FI’s best friend (except from me) is really an ex of his, and as weird as it might sound stated just like that, it does really make sense if you know the details. So I  expected to click something like “sure, go ahead and meet her”! Then I read your post and decided to go for the last option. She’s been to jail for, well none of those options are great, and she’s together with another prisoner?! Eh, no. That would be a simple “No and are you crazy?” on my behalf.

    Post # 11
    Member
    6222 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    @Sweet_Tea:  Glad you cleared up the wedding question, I was worried while reading your op

    Post # 13
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I wouldn’t want to meet her, but because of her actions she sounds like nothing but trouble.

    Post # 15
    Member
    846 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    honestly, i wouldn’t be engaged to a man that had a “best friend” that i had never met, let alone one that was his ex and is as messed up as this girl sounds.

    Post # 16
    Member
    412 posts
    Helper bee

    Okay, so I voted “just meet her” before I read the story. So long as he’s over the ex, I fully support maintaining that relationship. After reading the story, I’d keep “just meet her” and add in “he’s crazy for asking” because she sounds crazy, and even if she isn’t, a huge mess and a downer to add to your life. I’d still meet her to meet her and get context, and then assuming things go poorly, tell him she’s not your cup of tea. He can’t get mad at you for judging her if you’ve actually met her because then it’s actually based on who SHE is. Do it at a coffee shop or something. Plus if he sees her with you maybe he’ll remember she’s not as awesome as he remembers (memories are always slightly more favourable than reality), plus then he’ll have the direct comparison of you vs him and how much better his life is now and how much higher his standards are (not just for gfs, but for people in his life in general). I think not seeing her just magnifies the issue. 

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