(Closed) FI wants to add ANOTHER GM (mini rant)

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You’re not a jerk, you’re just frustrated. I think this has more to do with how you feel you have far fewer people than he does to choose from and it’s understandable that you would feel slightly down about that. I am in the same boat, my SO has a MUCH larger family than I do (I don’t associate with my extended family, so just me, brother, sister and parents) and it’s kind of overwhelming to think of being surrounded by all of these people that I’ve only met once or so. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to have them, but it’s going to be very foreign to me.

Plus, I feel like it is much easier to be a groomsman than a bridesmaid. As a Bridesmaid or Best Man, we are expected to participate and help with all things wedding, while the Groomsmen really just have the suit to rent, a gift to get and the bachelor party. That’s my thought, anyway, I could be wrong.

Post # 4
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I understand your frustration. My Fiance had an easy time finding groomsmen. He has 2 brothers and a bunch of close friends who he works with. I’m an only child and only have a few close friends that I talk to regularly. Luckily, my Fiance was very understanding when I told him I only wanted 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen. He just picked his 2 brothers and his best friend.

Post # 5
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

UGH I totally feel your frustration! I had my three BEST friends as my BM’s before we even officially got engaged, they are like my sisters (I am an only girl) and the closest girls by far to me out of everyone. My Fiance however has FOUR brothers so that is who he is having as his Groomsmen so 3 Bridesmaid or Best Man and 4 Groomsmen right? WRONG! He has super bad OCD and he said it will drive him CRAZY if it is uneven, so here I am already asked my 3 closest friends to be my BM’s and now I have to ask a 4th. It is hard because now I feel like picking is going to be so hard and it is going to lead to people being upset by me picking person A and not person B, or worse that the person I ask is going to wonder why I am asking her so late in the game. Our wedding isn’t until NEXT August so the timing is fine, but I know that my 3 have been my 3 from the start and I don’t want my 4th Bridesmaid or Best Man to feel left out in any way. It is so much harder because the BM’s are so much more involved (usually) than the Groomsmen are in the wedding so it is a much bigger deal to us than to the grooms. I feel your frustration for sure. 

Post # 6
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Miss.GrahamCracker:  I wouldn’t worry about the 4th Bridesmaid or Best Man being upset about being asked later than the other girls. I was a later addition to a friend’s bridal party since she lives out of town from me and, while we are old friends, we don’t talk as often. I didn’t feel upset, I was actually quite honored she would think of me!

Post # 7
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Nurse_Bee:  Thank you so much for saying that. The girl I want to ask was my BEST friend in college, but after we graduated we kind of drifted a part because I moved to NY and she moved to Nebraska. We still keep in touch, but not as much as when we were connected at the hip which I know is normal. Now she’s back living in CA and we are getting together when I fly back this summer, it has probably been almost 2 years since I have seen her, but I know that we will pick up where we left off just as we always do and I am thinking of asking her when I see her and asking her in a different special way than I asked my other 3. I really appreciate your insight though I definitely don’t want her to not feel special, because she IS otherwise I wouldn’t even think of asking her so knowing that you felt honored is great to know! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@vorpalette:  You have to tables that seat 10 for the wedding party? If you both have 5 people standing with you then isn’t that plenty of room…two tables that seat 10 gives you 20 seats and if you have 6 Groomsmen and 5 Bridesmaid or Best Man plus the wife that’s 12…unless every one of your wedding party attendants has a date….then just forget I said anything lol 

Post # 11
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I’m having two MOHs, and Fiance has 3 groomsmen (including best man) and an usher. I knew immediately who the two would be, and I was going back and forth about a third, so we’re uneven. And, we’re “spilling over” onto other tables. 

I think in this instance you two need to figure out who would be more upset with the opposite outcome (you with a 6th Groomsmen, or Fiance without having P in the wedding).

Post # 13
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d tel him he gets one and only one addition, so use it wisely, and that he’s got to be okay with the sides not matching. You shouldn’t feel obligated to add someone that you’re not close with just to have an even number. If he has a female friend who would take a place at your side even though she’d really be standing “for” him, that could be a compromise too, but only if you’re comfortable with it. It’s his idea so he should have to make some of the hard decisions, and that might mean choosing between this other friend and a “balanced” party.

Post # 14
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Could he make these extra guys ushers? I’ve seen that a couple of weddings (and we’re doing that at ours)- one or two guys who aren’t standing at the altar with us (and don’t have to rent tuxes!), but get recognition. He could have four ushers if he wanted.

The topic ‘FI wants to add ANOTHER GM (mini rant)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors