Post # 1
So, here’s the situation and I’m not sure if I want to make an issue of this or not. My Fiance wants to help pay for the rehearsal dinner that his parents are hosting for us at their house (a BBQ) because the guest list at this point is half of our guest list for the wedding. Personally, I think having a rehearsal dinner this large is ridiculous, but Future Mother-In-Law wants to invite all the out of towners. I would love to keep it at just the bridal party & immediate family, but hey I’m not throwing the party so I haven’t said a word. I don’t think it’s fair that we should have to pull more money out of our wedding fund to help pay for this because Future Mother-In-Law wants to invite ALL of her family to the rehearsal dinner (my side would only be an addition of 2 people, my family that I have invited are all local). When Fiance brought it up, I didn’t want to start a fight, but this is really starting to bother me. What would you ladies do, would you say something or just suck it up & help pay?
Post # 3
Are they asking you to pay, or is this FI’s opinion alone? If FI’s alone, tell him that there is no reason to offer to pay for something when someone has already graciously offered to pay. If they are asking, show Fiance exactly what this money will come out of (flowers, food, decor, whatever) and explain why this makes you uncomfortable.
Post # 4
I would speak up and give him your point of view – it isn’t like YOU demanded that 1/2 the wedding be invited, so you shouldn’t be on the hook to fund the rehearsal dinner!
Post # 5
IS Fiance wanting to pay or has he been asked?
Post # 6
Hmm…I kind of see where he’s coming from. It just sort of sounds like his parents want to make the out of town guests feel welcome, and he wants to help out with that. I know it’s traditional to have the groom’s parents pay for the rehearsal dinner, but sometimes that’s just not feasible. From the way it sounds, it’s not only his parents that want to make sure all of the out of towners feel welcome, but he does as well. If it’s important to him, I would just let it go rather than making a big deal about it.
Post # 7
Wow, I’m pretty surprised by the results so far. I was starting to think I was being selfish for not wanting to pay. No, his parents haven’t asked for any money, he just mentioned that he thinks we should help pay because there will be so many people to feed and I just didn’t know what to say…
Post # 8
2PeasinaPod – Yes I can understand where you’re coming from, but honestly invinting this many people just seems like a fiasco to me. I’m worried about having such a large party the night before the wedding when I would just like to do something low key so I can try to get some sleep the night before. I know that the guest list is out of my hands b/c I am not the hostess, which is why I really don’t want to loose money on something that I honestly wish I didn’t have to do.
Post # 9
I don’t think you all should pay…Future Mother-In-Law are paying and decided to feed all those people, therefore they must be ok with the costs. If they are not, then decrease the list!
Post # 10
I don’t think anyone could fault you for not offering to pay – you’re not hosting the party and if it were up to you, all these extra peeps wouldn’t be invited.
If you explain to your Fiance he should back you up on this. It sounds like you already have a share of the wedding expenses you need to cover and this would be taking money away from that.
Post # 11
Traditionally groom’s parents pay for rehearsal dinner, we’re not doing everything by a certain tradition but are your parents paying for the wedding?
My Fiance is paying for the wedding because in my culture the groom has to, but he has still asked his dad to pay for the rehearsal and he said yes. Thank goodness!
We are also having some out of towners come too, family that we havent seen in awhile. Your fiance is being too nice, you need to save money for other things such as honeymoon and your future
Post # 12
My bff solved this problem by having just the bridal party and immediate faily for the rehearsal dinner then adding all the other out-of-towners for drinks/dessesrt after. It’s the polite thing to do to include them since they traveled and gave up their weekend for your wedding, and breaking it up this way will save you some money.