FI wants to invite his ex

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
5863 posts
Bee Keeper

beecee :  From what you described it sounds like their one-time relationship was friend-zoned years ago and his wanting to include her was simply not wanting to exclude someone from his group of friends when all the others in the friend group were invited. 

But regardless, it’s always good that you can talk to your Fiance about how you feel. And it’s an especially good sign that he was willing to put your feelings and comfort first. Based on his ‘if you’re uncomfortable, she’s off the list’ reaction, I think it would be safe to include her- IF you can be truly okay with this (but don’t beat yourself up over it if you’re not). 

Post # 33
Member
1861 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My husband and I both had exes at our wedding.  They were people whom we once dated but have remained friends.  My ex played his cello for our ceremony music.  

However…

I was pretty serious about trying to keep as much of our guest list down to people we both knew.  I would have been more annoyed about him inviting someone I never met, rather than being worried about the ex part.  In our case, these were people we both knew.

Post # 34
Member
995 posts
Busy bee

pearlrose :  That’s really an excellent point! Other than family, you really should only be inviting people you know toegther as a couple who will support you in your marriage and who you both see/talk to on a regular basis. 

Post # 35
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Exes don’t sit on my furniture, play with my kids, or attend my events. The end. 

There’s no reason I’ll accept for spending any time conversing with anyone who has ever been intimate with my spouse. There are 7 billion people on the planet who haven’t touched his junk. The ones who have don’t need to be around me.

Post # 36
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

I can understand you feeling the way you do, I’d be the same. It sounds like she’s being invited merely because she’s part of a group of friends and not because there’s a special friendship/relationship there. It’s often tough when you have a close knit group of friends to leave someone out as it causes friction and can lead to issues. My ex is part of the same group of friends as I am and I will often invite him to things I organise that involve them. I can see why you find it off-putting but it seems like she’s just another friend on the list.

Post # 37
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper

We had no exes at our wedding as a rule. But also none of them are in any friend groups. 

Post # 38
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I wouldn’t want someone my Fiance was sexually and emotionally intimate with in the past to be at our wedding.. All pointy object, including the cake cutter would need to be put away or replaced with plastic.

Post # 39
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

scullz :  Woah.  From a stranger’s point of view, your situation does not look good girl.. 

Post # 40
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

Yeah – I would say a firm no to any exes purely because I’m the jealous type! Luckily my boyfriend has no exes! I would just discuss it with him and tell him how you feel 🙂

Post # 41
Member
8556 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

scullz :  

I wanna spend more time getting to know her and who knows, maybe I’ll end up making her be part of the wedding party”  Really , are you sure ? If you are genuinely  and totally ok with it then I  admire your maturity  but if  you  are doing it  –  even a lttle bit – to please   or to show you are cool with it,  idk. 

I attended a wedding  once where an  an ex wife was  invited for your reasons. She wore  black, drooping trailing black  and sat alone gazing into the middle distance with an  expression like a tragic muse.  Then she left after immediately after the ceremony. 

Post # 42
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee

My parents were in this situation. My dad ended up cheating on my mother with her. Do not invite. 

Post # 43
Member
385 posts
Helper bee

Hmm, in any other situation I would say hell no. However, in your case it might actually be weird if he did not invite her. Here is why. She is one of the friends from a group of friends he has stayed in touch with. If all the other firends from that group get invited and she doesnt, well now that is weird and people might actually think there is some feelings and that is the reason why she is not invited.

I think you should let this one go bee. 

Post # 44
Member
385 posts
Helper bee

To add, I have been to weddings where ex parteners were invited and it was not weird. So its not unheard of. 

Post # 45
Member
667 posts
Busy bee

I guess I would wonder what the need would even be to invite an ex from a decade ago? I mean.. my ex from ten years ago was a serious relationship. But life has went on in other directions and I am not close or keep in contact with him so I would not feel the need to “save a plate” for him on such a big day. 

That is my two cents. If you don’t talk anymore, hang out, etc then why on earth should they be invited to the wedding? To fill seats? And if they are still close… thats a different issue.

 

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