(Closed) FI wants to join the military. Advice?

posted 7 years ago in Military
Post # 3
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

For me, it would depend on what field he wanted to go into. My husband is an EOD tech (bomb disposal) and his tech school was a year long, very grueling and he would have had little to no time for me anyway. He was in school from 4am to 6-7pm every single day. It was better for us both that we waited until after it was over to get married. He graduated tech in June, we got married in October and then were still long distance for a bit after marriage. It really wasn’t that bad being long distance after we got married. I mean… we spend a whole mess of time long distance anyway, might as well get used to it now.

If he’s not going into an extremely hard field… then I would say you can do whatever you think is best. Being “wife” is always better than being “girlfriend” or “fiancee” when you’re dealing with the military. Plus, the insurance and extra money is awesome. Darling Husband collected housing allowance for me living in St Louis with my parents for a few months while he was in New Mexico living in a dorm on base for free. It was pretty sweet.

Post # 4
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It seems to me that if you’re ready to get married, you should go ahead and do it before he enters. 

Post # 5
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

well all things considered, its up to you.  BUT financially you also get Basic housing cost added to his salary and you can live on base if your married together. there is a lot to consider…. I think you really need to discuss it with him.  

how long have you been together? How old are you guys? if he gets stationed elsewhere are you moving with him? or staying where you are at for college?? 

this is a SERIOUS decision as its really difficult being away for so long. ahhh. 

Post # 6
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I personally would wait if you can.. Hubby and I waited until after a yearlong deployment to get married, and it was the best thing we could’ve done for our relationship.. No matter how long you are together beforehand, long distance is very hard, and I really think that before getting married and then putting that marriage immediately through long distance, it’s important to experience it first.. You need to know what you’re getting yourself into before you commit to it fully.. Not that I’m saying that it would break you guys up or anything, just that it’s important to experience it before taking that leap.. You can’t really know how hard it is until you’re dealing with it day in and day out, and it’s important to the growth of your relationship.. Though wives matter to the army where girlfriends and fiances do not, I don’t think that it made all that much of a difference in my situation when we weren’t married.. I was still his point of contact for everything, I was his beneficiary, I received constant communication from the FRG, and I was the one notified when he was coming home.. So I would say if possible, wait..

Post # 9
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Mrs.Lonestar: Darling Husband also had me as his primary contact as well. All of his info from basic and such came directly to me. Darling Husband also had me as a beneficiary of his life insurance and on all of his military paperwork before we were married.

From what you’ve said… if you’re not in a hurry then just wait. Wait until he finishes training because it’ll be much easier after that.

Post # 11
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’d definitely wait. We will have finished deployment #2 when we’re married. It’s good to know exactly what you’re dealing with BEFORE you tie the knot. Even if you’re not married it doesn’t mean you can’t be there with him every step of the way and be his primary contact. He’s just going to have a whole lot going on and putting your first year of marraige through that isn’t wise if it can be avoided. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We waited to do our big wedding, and it’s turned into a real pain. We are getting married two days before Christmas since that is the ONLY weekend that we were certain we’d both have off in a two year period. We’re both military though, so it’s doubly complicated. As for the benefits, it’s worth it to have those during basic. BAH is nothing to sneeze at.

Keep in mind that after Basic, he will go right into AIT (unless he’s going officer?) and won’t have leave until after that. There can be delays, classes moved around, changes in reporting dates, etc and you may not be able to plan anything very far in advance. There’s also limited slots available currently and planning to start basic at a certain time can be next to impossible.

Post # 13
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hard for me to give advice and lean one way or the other. yes, it’s always better to be wife than gf in the military but I would want to spend time having a relationship that wasn’t long distance like pp said she did after a deployment. Personally, I’d wait.

Post # 15
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Mrs.Lonestar: I can’t comment on living on base, but don’t limit yourself to base housing. Sometimes it’s unavailable, (6 month wait lists aren’t unheard of) or undesireable. It depends on the base.

If you chose not to live on base you get basic allowance for housing, known as BAH, that you use towards your rent/ultilies and whatnot. If you live on base you get zero BAH. For us, BAH is more than we need, so we pocket some money each month.

Fiance also likes keeping work and home lives separate, so living on base isn’t really our first choice. He doesn’t want to live down the street from his boss and half his coworkers.

I’m not discouraging you from base housing because it is an excellent option for some people, but just remember it’s not your only option.

Post # 16
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I didn’t answer the second part of your question because I’m not exactly sure what you mean, it’s just life. There’s a lot that can’t be summaried in one post. The essence is you’re a normal wife but you can shop at the commissary or NEX on base, sometimes there’s fancy parties, work schedules can suck and of course there’s deployments and training. There’s a lot of military significant other sites that you might just want to start reading/lurking on. You’ll learn lots that way.

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