(Closed) FI wants to thank his family in speech…oh HECK NO! (closed)

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think just “thanks for a lifetime of raising/supporting him”?  I think it would be realy odd if his family WASN’T thanked for something…

Post # 4
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

He can say thank you for your love and support through this time?

 

Post # 6
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Woah, you are obviously very worked up about this, but wouldn’t it be a nice gesture to at least thank them for producing the man you are now marrying? He can simply say something like, Mom and Dad, thanks for raising me to be the man I am today, a man ready and able to be an amazing husband to MrsCreeToBe. Your love and support have meant the world to me.

Post # 7
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If they seem to be pointedly ignored at their son’s wedding, at your insistence, that’s going to burn some bridges.  Just let him say it, and remember not to to roll your eyes or laugh sarcastically 🙂

Post # 8
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

This is not a battle you can win. Let him thank his family, because guess what?  they are his family, they are going to be in your life now for the rest of your lives.  If he is insistent, then it apparently means something To HIM.  I don’t think you want to start your lives together with ya fight about how much you dislike his family . Chose your battles,  since this is not one that will end well.

Post # 9
Member
1783 posts
Buzzing bee

wow. I can’t imagine (and it’s none of my business) what they have or haven’t done to upset you to such a point that you are angry that your Fiance wants to make a minimal gesture of saying thank you to his parents.  I’m wondering what years of family get togethers for birthdays and holidays will be like with this level of hostility. 

I hope you and your Fiance can find a way to come to an acceptable solution. 

 

Post # 10
Member
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsCreeToBe:  His family, his speech, his decision what to say. It’s not for you to decide what he says to his family. Raising him for 20 or so years would be an obvious thing for him to thank them for.

If you feel like your family will miss out in comparison, you could do your own thank-you speech as well. (I did).

Post # 11
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@mrsSonthebeach:  Agree.

OP, I think you’re overreacting. While I understand that they haven’t been helpful in the wedding planning (which makes leaving them off the invitation okay), you should let him thank his parents in a speech. This is his special day too, not just yours.

Post # 12
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsCreeToBe:  from looking at some of your previous posts, I think you’re mad at his parents for things that you really have no right to be mad about. Besides the fact that traditionally, it’s not the groom’s family’s responsibility to pay for the wedding, in today’s world, it’s no one’s responsibility except for yours to pay for anything. While it’s lovely that your parents have been generous enough to contribute, holding it against your FI’s family for not measuring up really isn’t fair. And I know that you also feel that they haven’t been supportive; however, again from your previous posts, it doesn’t seem like you’ve been quiet at all about these feelings while around your FI’s family, so it’s really no wonder that they haven’t tried to be more involved. It’s your FI’s wedding too and if he wants to thank his family even in a general sense just for being his family, he has that right. Your wedding day should be about celebrating your marriage to the man you love, not about your parents receiving acknowledgment for their financial contribution. You need to let go of this grudge you hold against his parents, because if nothing else, it will drive a wedge between you and your FH. If you really love him, you won’t put him in a position of choosing between you and the family he’s had his entire life. 

Post # 13
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

@MrsCreeToBe: Woah, I realize that you have a negative history with his parents, but I think you need to let this one go and learn to pick your battles. Do you really want to get this worked up and upset about/on your wedding day over a few words your Fiance says? In the end, will it really make that much of a difference? I would suggest taking the high road and let your Fiance thank whoever he wants.

Personally, I am listing both my parent’s and FI’s mother on the invites (his mother hasn’t contributed anything–in fact she has borrowed more money from us than I can remember) and Fiance will be thanking her for being his mother and for a lifetime of “support.” In all honesty, we rarely see her, even though she lives 5 miles away. She hasn’t been that supportive, but she is his mother. 

Weddings are about putting grudges and disagreements aside and celebrating love. I would suggest setting aside your grudges for the day (I know this can be difficult) and be nice to everyone, in hopes they will all be nice back.

Post # 14
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@mrsSonthebeach:  + 10000000000000000000000

Very well said. I agree, that would be the best way to go about things .

Post # 15
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I thought you called your Future Mother-In-Law and demanded that she contribute to your wedding. Didn’t she agree?

Post # 16
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@mrsSonthebeach:  +1

They have every right to be thanked, they raised him didn’t they? They don’t have to be thanked for helping with the wedding since they didn’t, but they should at least be thanked for producing your Fiance.

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